My Flash Backs Happen When I Am Asleep

[TonyG]

I was living on a farm and it was about 11pm I had just gone to bed and I was laying in bed thinking about the day that i had, There was a loud bang a sickening noise so I got up and went out side and i could here what sounded like a radio, but I was miles from town and my nearest farm was 2km away, so i drove down to the road and could here the radio and about 100m up the road was a car wrapped around a tree. I was the first on the scene, So That is what i relive every time, just typing this brings me to tears and my heart is racing. I cant ever remember the tune on the radio but i hear it in my dream. This happened 30 years ago and has never left my mind, I don't think about it every day and I can go for months without the dream. Its Thursday now and I had the dream again on Monday and it was as clear as it was he night it happened, except there is no colour its a sort of grey but I smell it, and I taste the air. There are some details i cant discuss with anyone. I have a family around me and many friends with PTSD the reason we have it is different but the way it makes us feel is the same.

 

[TonyG]

waiting for conformation email for membership

 

[anthony]

It should have been instant. Check your spam folder.

 

[anthony]

Mate, sorry that you had to go through this.

There are some details i cant discuss with anyone.

Well... here the issue, being the secrets that lay within your head. Secrets cause symptoms, no shit. You are anonymous here, so just let it go and get it out of you.

 

[jcat]

I would suggest finding someone to discuss the details with. As long as they're inside they will remain there. It's worth a shot at least. Will it work? PTSD is PTSD regardless. I've suffered from it myself for 30+ years as well. So will it work? Wish I could paint some rosy red picture.... Say that it will but I can't blow sunshine like that and I've had a lot of one on one and group. I can only state, for myself, that I rarely remember those dreams anymore.

 

[Honeypie]

I have the same issue with flashbacks in my nightmares. The flashbacks are my traumatic experiences but it varies in the details. Then I wake up and have a panic attack. I talk about the dreams with my therapist and it has helped calm the severity of the images and my reactions to them. I hope you can find some way to discuss it with someone you trust.

 

[TonyG]

waiting for conformation email for membership

Hello, the site shows my email with a dot on the end

 

[TonyG]

Mate, sorry that you had to go through this.

Well... here the issue, being the secrets that lay within your head. Secrets cause symptoms, no shit. You are anonymous here, so just let it go and get it out of you.

No secrets really just a bit horrific to post up here, I arrived home covered in blood and used a course scrubbing brush to clean the blood off may hands, I woke up on the laundry floor about five hours later and went outside and put all my cloths i was wearing in a metal drum and burnt them I can see it now if i take the time to think about it. holding someones hand while they bleed out and fade away is not very pleasant, Then i just sat on the road in a daze until a fire and rescue guy pulled up, He put a tarp over the car and told me to go home as there was nothing that could be done there. I am coming around now its Friday tomorrow and a whole week has pasted since my flash back. Heart rate is coming down and he burning sensation i get in my face is almost gone. I have booked a date with a psychologist so i'll see what happens in a week and a bit. I'll be minus some dollars and hey will need to see someone after they see me.

 

[TonyG]

I would suggest finding someone to discuss the details with. As long as they're inside they will remain there. It's worth a shot at least. Will it work? PTSD is PTSD regardless. I've suffered from it myself for 30+ years as well. So will it work? Wish I could paint some rosy red picture.... Say that it will but I can't blow sunshine like that and I've had a lot of one on one and group. I can only state, for myself, that I rarely remember those dreams anymore.

I have a lot of sunshine blown my way in the last 30 years, The best ones are managers that say if there's anything you ever need to talk about i'm a good listener, so i unload my issues on them and you could cut the air with a knife because nobody is prepared for my story. I know this first hand because a good friend of mine was deployed overseas and came back with some issues of his own and i offered him my shoulder, well let me say i feel for all the poor soles i have dumped my issues on because you don't know what to say.

 

[TonyG]

I went to a Psychologist Tuesday and I was in there for two and a half hours, Not what I imagined. I spoke in detail about some of the sad times in my life, My Father died 4 years ago and my mother died 2 years ago this month and I loved them very much, I can talk about both of them without getting emotional, My mum and dad will always be in my memory,
I have felt grief for the loss of a family member but the horror in my head is so much more overwhelming, Describing it in detail just makes it intense and I'm now not in a very good place.

 

[Lucycat]

Well done for speaking to the psychologist. I am not surprised you are overwhelmed - 2 and a half hours is an awfully long session. I hope future ones will be gentler.

It is usual to feel worse before you start to feel better. You will have discussed a lot - and more than you ever expected. However this is the first step to getting this memory processed and it having less hold in your life. Hopefully when you have processed it the nightmares will stop.

 

[anthony]

It is hard to understand a persons traumatic experience, especially if you aren't used to hearing such level of trauma. People often go one of two ways, they share an event in their life and then want to fix you so they feel as though they helped you, or, they just go quiet, say a few comforting words and then change the subject, not really knowing what else to do.

Nobody can solve trauma expect the person who endured it, because the answers are in their heads, not another persons. How to get those answers, sure... but you hold the actual answers and thus the resolve to change you.