My Friend Left Me For A Guy

[Iyllsa]

A while ago my best friend was not in her best moment. This was out of character, but it happened nonetheless. Basically on a flip of a dime she asks if her and her guy friend could drop me off at the train station so that her and her friend could get together in bed. My friend and I planned to spend the weekend together and it put my in an awkward situation because everything was planned for me to be staying the weekend with her.. anyways. It happened. She didn't even hesitate or think twice about it. She just asked and of course I don't know how to say, "No," so she got excited. I gave them advice and suggested against it because neither were ready and as I was leaving the car I asked both of them if they won't. They confirmed they wouldn't. An hour later while I'm somewhere at around 10pm trying to not sob my friend texts me because she's worried the police are following her and her friend. They went to a park to try which was the main thing I was trying to get them to avoid. Of course I talk them through it and they got out just fine then they went back to ignoring me. The next day she told me they never did anything in the end and apologized..

I forgave her for it the night of because I realized it was out of character but it made me think that my best friend would leave me so quickly. I'd never do that to her yet she'd let something like that to simply drop me. Now she's easing into a romantic relationship with someone else and she talks about how she wants him and all that which is fine, but I can't help but think the same thing is going to happen. She's going to leave me.

At least once they're able to be together and I'm sure they're stable, I can easily see her dropping me and I'd be out of the picture. I wouldn't see the point in sticking around. Once I'm sure someone will be there to care for her, I have no reason to be here. They'll be there to take care of her.

 

[ladee]

I'm sorry your friend left you hanging like that.
You didn't state your agen but regardless that was a selfish act on her part.
Hope you don't mind me asking why you feel you need to educate her on the dangers she might encounter.
She apparently is not hearing you. Hope you come back and share a little more so we have a better idea how to help you.
Take care of yourself!

 

[The Albatross]

Bring it back around to, "...of course I don't know how to say, "No," and maybe take a look at how you can endeavor to do this.

 

[Iyllsa]

I'm sorry your friend left you hanging like that.
You didn't state your agen but regardless that was a s...

She made plans with me initially that we would hang out that weekend and then later that day while I'm at her place she invites her other friend over. Which I'm fine with. I enjoy the guy and he's a friendly person, but in the beginning I already had a feeling something was going on between them.

How could I say no to her/them? I was in her house, both of them wanted to and it would be awkward because it would feel like I was demanding the guy to go away and then I'd be stuck in the house with my friend who would rather be with someone else than me..

They were already cuddling and talking about times they enjoyed together with me in the same room trying to ignore them and hold back my tears. Maybe I should have said, "no," but I felt I wasn't in the right position.


I felt the need to educate her because her and her guy friend seemed so eager to get together without really planning anything. It was getting late and it was her first time. I suggested they both wait and plan it out so they could not be anxious about it all. I knew that if they were to have, they would have regretted it. Everything was pointing to not a good time. In the end, even when she didn't really do anything they both ended up regretting what they were planning and I'm glad they didn't follow through.

 

[ladee]

Well if you were unable to say "no" and it was clear they had plans..you could have simply gone back home.
Possibly have clear boundries in place next time you visit.

 

[Iyllsa]

Well if you were unable to say "no" and it was clear they had plans..you could have simply gone back home...

Sorry, when I say I had a feeling I meant the way they were acting toward each other but they didn't outright say it until near the end. I'm just more hurt by the fact that my friend and I made plans initially and I was dropped so quickly because she went and made new plans with this guy on the spot, knowing full well our plans.


You're right. Next time I'll just be more aware and set up a way to get home so that I don't have to deal with it all.

 

[The Albatross]

So basically this had to do more with disappointment of your friends change of plans which I get, but this stuff happens a good deal... change of plans/hurt feelings... doesn't seem to have anything to do with PTSD.

 

[Iyllsa]

So basically this had to do more with disappointment of your friends change of plans which I get,...

Yes but my post got moved over to here because it had to do with relationships. I initially put it in the depressive thinking, I believe. Because I originally wrote this at 2am while wanting to disappear.

 

[Freedomfighter]

A while ago my best friend was not in her best moment. This was out of character, but it happened noneth...

Well, that kind of behavior just sounds very weird. Totally unstable person there, not sure you would want to be really friends with someone that is so unstable and seems to have such negative characteristics.

You just have to keep in mind that someone like that can introduce some very dangerous people into your life. I have witnessed crazy people like that before, that is all I am saying.

They sleep with several loosers at one time and then they sicken those they sleep around with onto each other because it seems to bring them joy to do that and because they hope that some lame acts like that will make them appear as a person that is wanted by many different people.

And yes, oh yes, there are disturbed people that do exactly that. When one starts reading police reports about crap like that then one gets a LOT of insight on such disturbed behaviors.

 

[Iyllsa]

Well, that kind of behavior just sounds very weird. Totally unstable person there, not sure you...

It is. I agree with you. It's a very sketchy thing. She's been my best friend for about 2 years and she's only had that kind of moment once and it was during a bad time in her life which is why I'm not looking too into it right now. Maybe I should and I'll be regretting it down the line.. I know I didn't give a good first impression of my friend, but I still love her and I still think she's the most amazing friend I've ever met. She told me she felt ashamed of herself and she realizes her mistake.

She learned her lesson and that's fine, but if she were to do it again and again.. then I'd talk to her about it. Maybe I should drop her but I can't bring myself to even think of that as an option. I've never really delved into it, but I've been thinking I might have some co-dependant issue or something which I'll be bringing up with my therapist when I get the chance. I'm not sure though because this friend is the first real friend I've ever had in my life so it's all still new to me.

 

[ladee]

That's some insightful thinking you may be having some codependent issues!

Having that first real friend is a very special thing. And she apologized. Dropping her for one thing would not be my first choice either.

You are an insightful young woman. That will bring you far on your recovery journey.

Happy to hear the two of you worked it out and that you are willing to talk it out.

Good luck!

 

[Iyllsa]

That's some insightful thinking you may be having some codependent issues!

Having that first real friend...

Thank you. I feel like I'm far form recovering but I'm a little past "starting to recover." It would make sense, to me, if I were to have co-dependent issues. The way I was raised, I have abusive parents that were manipulative. From when I was a young child (age 2) up to 18 I thought it was normal. I didn't realize how bad it was. But about a year ago I started going to therapy, I spoke with this friend, and I slowly learned how bad they are.

That's another reason why I can't just leave her. She saved my life on multiple occasions. She's the one who brought me out from that terrible life I had with my abusive family. She's stuck with me for the rest of our lives. She really is my best friend forever. I owe her so much and I'm going to do what I can to help her too.

I feel like another reason why I may have co-dependent issues because I have lost a close friend before. Not as close as this one, but the closest I had at the time. Lost him to suicide, lost another good friend to an accident. I've seen so many people die right in front of me and some in my arms... I can't handle the thought of losing my friend. Tie that in with my overwhelming feeling of wanting to please her and make her happy.. if I'm not co-dependent then I feel like I'm borderline there.