My Friend Left Me For A Guy

[Iyllsa]

I'm not sure if I'm understand the definition of co-dependency correctly which is why I'll speak about it with my therapist. I do believe there's some sort of relationship issue going on. I know it's normal for someone in my position, but not normal or healthy in general.

 

[Iyllsa]

I'm not sure if I'm understand the definition of co-dependency correctly which is why I'll speak about it with my therapist. I do believe there's some sort of relationship issue going on. I know it's normal for someone in my position, but not normal or healthy in general.

Accidentally ended that too soon.

I feel like out of both of us, I'm the one with more low confidence and doubtful of one self. She likes to help people, it makes her feel like she has a purpose and is important in some way. So she helped me with my issues, still is. I feel like it's more of me than her because although she says she can't manage being away from me, I know she means her friends in general. She would be fine with her other friends, but because she's my only friend at the moment it can feel like things get worse without her or if I'm not communicating with her in some way. And if I'm not physically with her at least once a week, I get even worse. Not to be uniform, that I must be with her on every single friday, but I've noticed that even if I'm texting her.. if I haven't had face to face social interaction with her for more than a week, I start to think she doesn't like me or I'll just feel worse over all.

(Side note: I think it doesn't help that I don't talk to people much at all. I have social anxiety and other issues that make it hard for me to talk to people. I'm not exaggerating when I say I can count the amount of people I talk to on one hand, most of which are her own family because they happen to be in the same building and I've gotten used to them. I know lack of social interaction is also not good, and with my friend as my only source of interaction, this makes it even worse and can be promoting co-dependecy.)

Now that she's not feeling too well herself, I feel like I have to physically be with her to take care of her. I want to wrap her in blankets and make her tea. Make her as comfortable as possible and I'm ready to bend down to anything if it'll make her happy. I need her. She says she needs me and wouldn't be able to function if I died, but I am not sure if she really means that. I know for myself that if she were to disappear and die, I'd have no need to stay alive in this very moment. I'm sure I'll find something to live for, but life would be extremely difficult without her.

 

[Iyllsa]

Now I remember. The other issue is possibly abandonment issues.

 

[joeylittle]

@Iyllsa - how often are you seeing your therapist, and do you have other kinds of support in your life?

 

[Iyllsa]

@Iyllsa - how often are you seeing your therapist, and do you have other kinds o...

Typically once a week as that's the only time both her and I are available. If there is more need then I'm sure I can talk to her about it. For the past two weeks though I've been unable because problems kept arising.

Besides my friend, no. And right now I can't expect her to be of support because she needs to focus on herself right now and get better. I know it's not good, but I'm okay with not having another friend I can rely on. I feel like it'd be weird to find another friend that'd be like her. I'm okay with not having an adult I can speak with or anything.

I know maybe I should focus on myself and continue on focusing to get better, but all I want to do is make her happy or to at least distract her from these things. All I want to do is find something that can help her. I know this is starting to get mixed up with my other post, so sorry if this is seeming confusing.

I'm not thinking about myself or what I want to do. A while ago I was unhappy with myself and I saw myself as a failure but I can't even focus on those thoughts because I'm so occupied with trying to find ways to help my friend. In my mind, she is in a dangerous mindset and more important than me. I know how I am and how close I am to danger but I don't know about her.