My Girlfriend And I

[Deimos]

Sorry I was distracted when writing that. (putting foot in mouth) I responded because I can relate to this in many ways.

By all means, no don't just take the abuse. That's wrong for both people, it reinforces her negative behavior and destroys you at the same time. As a sufferer we can't hide behind that fact and abuse it. At the same time you can't blame everything on PTSD. It sounds like there are issues and manipulation going on beyond the scope of PTSD. I guess what I should say is with PTSD you will have things happen that are part of the disorder and you have to be ready for that. Not that you deserve it but its part of life with a sufferer at times. We all have to draw a line in the sand disorder or not.

 

[Blondie362]

Marty I am glad to see that you saw some potential flaws in Deimos post, you can't just tell somebody what you think they want to hear and think everything will be happy ever after.

I wish you well in your own quest for peace and happiness, and hope at some point your ex? G/F finds that too, but you can't be the glue that puts her back together sadly, as PTSD sufferers we have to work on our own issues with hopefully a good therapist, and we are the only people that can do that- nobody else.

Kate.

 

[Marty]

hings are not good, and I am not saying that for pity, I am just not handling this well. Here is the latest footnotes version

-we broke up a week ago and have been talking ever since.
-she really wanted to try to make things work but I have decided to listen to my friends and a friend of mine who is very spiritual and they say I dont deserve to be treated like she does when she is mad and controlled
-She says stuff like " I am extraordinary and youwill never find someone like me. Dont come running back when you are tired of average I wont be here"- it hurts and gets me thinking I better rush back or i will lose her
- I have been good to her and I think deep down she knows it and wants me so bad -her facebook posts are all these emotions about celebrating being done with me (she is very popular on facebook) and then sad songs- its hard to watch and everyone is saying stuff to her like -"move on to someone who deserves you, someone better" and she is like "amen" and it gets to me
-I just want to take time apart- I love her and it feels so bad- but it is true I was pretty stressed being with her- now I am stressed without her and the pressure ot go fix everything - she puts huge time constraints and threats on things it feels like- maybe i am just sensitive.

I really apreicate your help. I love her like crazy and dont know what to do. I think I have white knight syndrome and just want to go rescue it. Trying to be srrong and make the right choice.

 

[Blondie362]

Marty, when you say she is popular on facebook- you have to remember its a " social networking site" .. which basically means you can be friends with a total stranger without having any emotional attatchment.

You have probably answered your own question " white knight syndrome" the need to be needed and fix somebody, it sounds like she needs good professional help, which you can't give her at this moment in time, being a knight isn't going to fix her, she is wanting to hurt you as much as she is hurting, and its not healthy.

If you are finding it hard to watch what she is putting on face book- take her off your friends list, I know so many people that break up and then post about it on FB- changing the status etc.. knowing that the ex is reading it- they then get obsessed reading what their ex is up to...

Facebook can be a good tool, but also very weird- many people gauge their " popularity" by the amount of " friends " they have on their list- when they don't even know half the people on there, and find it hard to cut it in real life with relationships away from the keyboard.

When somebody writes that they are extraordinary, and you will never find anyone like her, .. thats your clue about how she see's herself in your relationship, that you can't do any better .. read through all your posts on here and I think you may find - you can.

 

[Marty]

Hey "brat"can you please tell me how it made you sick? I am on a 2 week break from her and I am going crazy. It was my decision to take the break and she is putting things on facebook that are driving me nuts. I know its my fault for checking and getting emotional like a kid about it but I am.
First of all she put a poll asking what everyone thinks about me taking a break. Eveyrone was like "ditch the loser" because they dont know anything and there were like 88 comments. She "liked" all of the ones that bash on me and this is pretty infuriating.

Then yesterday she puts "Her own name, I have hearts in my eyes for you' - best thing in my world right now". Really upsetting because I know she is trying to f with me.

My friends are telling me to be strong, to stop being obssessive about it, but its so hard. It feels like nothing matters and it hurts so bad I want to just go back with her to make the pain go away. They all dont see her beautiful side like I do, only the problems and drama she causes. My best friend now despises her and tells me he will never respect her. I am crazy about her...such a tough predicament. I would really appreciate your advice. Thanks.

 

[Marty]

Blondie, you called it!

 

[Sandra]

She sure sounds like a Dr.Jekyl/Mr.Hyde actor to me. An angel one day then a devil the next. I try and run from people like that. That isn't the kind of person I want in my life. Someone like that will usually try and bring others down with them. A good relationship is when they compliment each other and not put either down.

 

[Blondie362]

Marty if you are telling your own friends about all the bad stuff about your girlfriend, then surely you can see that's why your friends are saying you are obsessive, you are now doing exactly what she was doing to you, and watching her on-line.

She obviously knows you are reading the her posts, what sort of person runs a poll to ask about you taking a break- too weird.

I think that would be my wake up call to to the state of mind of a person in my opinion.

It sounds like you both need to get out more, and real life socialise you don't have any distraction and now are both all consumed in what each other is doing= really unhealthy.

Bottom line is either remove from your own Facebook or stop going on it altogether, you either have her in your life and all the abuse and sh*t that comes with it, or you cut the ties totally and get on with your life.

" You are a long time dead" I couldn't be bothered wasting all my energy on a person who gets their kicks from degrading me , either online or real life nor would I put up with it.

My favourite all time quote " if I wanted to be treated as a doormat , I would have WELCOME tattooed on my ass"

Think about it.

 

[Sandra]

Well said Bondie362.

I think a lot of it is too he is thinking with his heart and not his brain. No disrespect to Marty though.

I've done it myself. And I sure learned the hard way by doing that.

 

[atl22]

In my opinion, you really should un-friend her and block her for your own mental health. I do not believe that you are actually taking a break from her if you are looking at her Facebook page. Reading her comments and the comments of her friends will only bring you mental anguish. She probably does know that you are checking her page. Just stop. Block her. Take that power away from her. You don't need to know what her friends are saying.

 

[Sandra]

As I said AtI22. A good relationship is when they compliment each other and not put either down.

And I totally agree with what you said.

 

[Marty]

Thanks everyone. I think the Dr. Jekly/Mrs Hyde may be true but she is usually great until we are almost splitting up or if she feels I violated her (mental cheating). I have seen some improvements in how she handles things and she is very loving. It is now her ugly sides come out and I am playing into it, I fully agree and take responsibility.

I am thinking with my heart too much, thinking of all the great memories, laughs, and it is so hard to walk away from something that is so great at times. The facebook stuff is very childish and even though we are not talking for a couple of weeks (1.5 left) I feel like calling her and telling her off for the facebook bs. Posting pictures of beers, giving thanks for compliments that "would make any girl smile" and listening to guy hatred songs. Deep breathes are being taken but so is absurd amount of anguish. I take the blame. I feel like I might crumble soon and just dive back into a relationship with her on these conditions and if something occurs just once more its over:
- no posts about us on facebook ever
-no fleeing the seen, ever
- she sees a therapist

I would be curious to see your thoughts. I dont know why I cant let go of her, there are so many healthy fish in the sea. Part of me enjoys the challenge I guess, proving others wrong, and of course her love because when its good its good.

Thanks again. I like the doormat quote. I will not be anyone's doormat, so she might be getting a rude call if she keeps up the bs. Or like you said, perhaps that is THE RED FLAG and I just cant see it.