Relationship My Husband Has Ptsd And Hasnt Had His Meds For A While??

[jaycee]

Hey, I need some advice and I am new to this.

My husband got back from afghanistan in october of 2010 and he has ptsd. He denied it for a very long time but he finally admitted it and went to a dr he was on meds for one whole month and then the va sent the meds to the wrong address so he has been with out them for about 2 and a half weeks and he recently told me he isnt in love with me anymore and he feels he hurts me to much and I deserve better.

Could this be because he hasnt had his meds or what happens to them when they have meds and then all of a suddon don't anymore? I love him with all my heart and i am just really confused.

<Edited by Anthony: Basic Grammar as well.>

 

[amethist]

Hi jaycee

Welcome to the forum.

This is common for sufferers to do, they are so mixed up with their emotions, they can do the yo-yo thing often.

If he has only been on the meds for a month and now is now waiting to the next lot because of this mix up, give him time to settle into taking them again.

Everything will take time, nothing with PTSD is quick or easy, baby steps all the way, for both of you.

Take care and remember to look after yourself too.

Amethist

 

[jaycee]

Thank you. He got his medication on Wednesday and I'm hoping sometime soon things start too look up but, I know that it will take a while. It's just really scary we have a 2 year old daughter together and i have always wanted him and our family. I'm really trying to understand.

 

[J'aime]

Omg Jaycee, my heart goes out to you for so many different reasons. Foremost, because I'm sure his words hurt you very much. I'm sorry for the pain you're going through, and the struggle. But thank you for coming here on behalf of your husband.

The second reason my heart hurts for you is because I have told my fiance those same kinds of things when I am aving a 'bad day' with the ptsd, and when I haven't taken my medication for a time. My fiance and I have a great relationship, and I love him with all my heart. But some days my brain's telling me "everyone's the enemy" and I turn on people I love. I feel terribly guilty afterwards, and expect them to have every right not to want me in their lives anymore. I beat myself up for things I've said and done when I'm going through an episode, even those I love know why I did things, and they've long-since forgiven me.

My fiance is a very even-keeled, mild-mannered person, so sometimes I even feel that I'm destroying his life because he's 'normal' and I'm 'crazy'. Even though in my heart, I know that's not true. Your husband is going through the normal ups and downs of the disorder, and I'm sure he still loves you tremendously.

I hope you find solace here, and I hope we can help! xoxo

<Typo's fixed. :) >

 

[J'aime]

Aaaaand yes, that post was attacked by typos. Sorry! I am regretting purchasing a tablet instead of a laptop haha.

 

[jaycee]

He tells me the same thing! He says that he doesn't wanna ruin my life and that I deserve better than him because of the things he has said to me and they way he has treated me, but all I want is him.

I'm not too sure what I'm supposed to do to show him I'm not going to leave?

All I know is I'm waiting for the meds to kick back in and he is getting really sick. He wont even say he loves me right now.

 

[jaycee]

I really don't know what to do anymore I'm a mess i idon't want to lose my family. All of this came out of no where when i left town we were a happy married couple and a couple weeks later BOOM out of no where he does this. I'm at his parents house in another state too.

 

[Pippi]

I just want to echo what J'aime has already said. You can also read a recent post of mine that goes into this: [DLMURL="https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/i-broke-up-with-my-boyfriend-for-no-reason.21622/"]I Broke Up With My Boyfriend For No Reason[/DLMURL]

Regarding meds, I know that when I stop taking mine cold turkey, even if I only miss 2 doses, I start losing my grip on reality. I've been taking meds for several years, though, so I'm not sure if they would have the same effect on someone who has only been taking them for a month. If it's an SSRI, it usually takes about that long for it to have any effect on the person.

When I am in the middle of an episode, it's really difficult for the people in my life to understand what is going on with me, because I don't even know! I become so overwhelmed that I look for something, anything, that I can change in an attempt to stop the awful feelings. Unfortunately, that resulted in my recent decision to leave the man I love dearly. I had convinced myself that I no longer loved him, that I needed to be single in order to heal, that I didn't deserve him and would only cause him pain.

These are very common PTSD symptoms. I'm sorry you are dealing with them right now. You are both going through a difficult and painful time, and I think the best thing to do is refrain from making any major life decisions in the throes of his anxiety. Take things slowly, be kind to yourselves and one another, give him his space, and let him know you are there for him when he wants to talk. I doubt that he has suddenly fallen out of love with you. It sounds like he's dissociating due to feeling overwhelmed and out of control.

 

[jaycee]

Thank you guys so much! He did tell me he feels like he is fighting a battle inside his own head. I appreciate all of you giving me advice and helping me understand even just a lil bit.

I decided I'm just going to wait it out because I'm not going to give up on my marriage he means too much to me to just let him push me away.

 

[J'aime]

Definitely wait it out...that is exactly what he needs, even thoug it may seem nearly impossible to do so. If my fiance hadn't waited around for me, left me, etc, I am 100% certain that I would be a complete mess today. When we were going through the terrible years of doctors throwing all sorts of different medications at me, and I was going off the deep end every time they played guinnea pig on me, my fiance would give me these huge hugs and not let me go, and rub my back, and reassure me in this manner that made me realize everything will be okay.

It would take a long time for me to snap out of those kids of episodes-sometimes days at a time-but afterwards, my bond with my fiance was ten times what it was before. Once your husband gets his medications back in line, I promise things will get a little better, at the very least.

Today, for instance, I thought I could handle my day without my medications. I delayed taking them for 4 hours, and was a complete mess. I sent my fiance very rude text messages about little things that are bothering me...but I took it to the Nth degree. It was then that I decided I need to put my pride aside and take my medications, and twenty minutes later, I was feeling like a total jackass for what I'd said. I'm now in the process of apologizing. Give your husband time, because his medications will make all the difference in the world. This too, shall pass. :) xoxo!!

 

[jaycee]

Thank you thank you thank you! I just don't know how to act and I can't do much from a different state. I need to be home but I can't get home right now.

Thank you for sharing your story with me I hope one day my husband can open up like this to me.