Relationship My Husband Has Ptsd And Wants Me To "move On"

[cPTSDwife]

he doesn't understand that his mind is very ill

That is what he said, he doesn't understand it and he is scared. He has been dealing with this for 6 years but never really has talked about it and I am ashamed because I never talked to him about it, I never wanted to bring it up. I feel guilty for that, I feel like I neglected him. I told him that he didn't get to choose my fate, I do & he can't tell me not to be with him. We've been married almost 7 years, together for 9 years so it is hard to just toss it away without giving it a fair chance.

I am so thankful that he opened up to me even though it hurts, I know that it was not him talking, it was his illness. I am going to work on bettering myself in order to be able to handle this the best way I can, by taking better care of myself. I never realized how important that was until now.

 

[Sammyiam]

Hi, I have said exactly the same thing to my husband this week twice, I am the ptsd sufferer and we have been married for 28 years, I have been in not the best shape lately and said to him that he would be far better off with someone normal and better than me. I feel that I am letting him down and not pulling my weight in our marriage, I used to do so much as he doesn't keep well and I was the main worker. Now I struggle with day to day stuff.

I can feel your pain so much as that is what I'm doing to my husband, and until I seen it written down in black and white I realised what I am doing to him, with me I just need a bit of space but also I need to know he is still by my side and caring.

It is so hard on my partner I sometimes forget that. They have to put up with so much. When you say that you don't know who he is anymore, I don't know who I am anymore and it is such a scary place to be.

I really hope that it works out for you.

Please take care and I hope it all gets better for you.
Sammyiam

 

[cPTSDwife]

I am afraid to leave, even if he needs space.. I am a worrier. I constantly think, "what if" like.. "what if he hurts himself and I wasn't there to stop it." He told me he'd never be able to do that but he is just not the person that I know him to be.. I am just so confused by everything.

I don't have anywhere to go, I'd have to take 2 dogs with me.. I have no real job, my jeep is messed up right now so it needs to be fixed and I can't drive it.. I just have nothing. Idk what he expects me to do. He doesn't even care..

I battle with being angry at him, devastated for him, I hate him for the things he has said to me but I love him at the same time because I know it isn't him [even though he says that it is him, the real him].. I am just so broken from it all. I just want to cry. I don't think I am strong enough..

Sometimes I think I am strong.. then 10 minutes later I will be on the floor balled up crying my eyes out...

I get anxiety when I leave the house.. I feel like I am going to die when I leave a lot of the time.. he expects me to just leave my home? Idk if I can even mentally handle that without any of the other factors that I am expected to deal with on top of it

 

[Sammyiam]

Sorry when I said space I didn't mean leave, with me I just try to get busy on something little that I can have as a project and try and take my mind off things, when I'm doing something that sometimes helps me. The only problem is that I forget so much now that I have trouble staying on track.

I really feel your pain and I really hope that it works out for you

Take care

Sammyiam

 

[Dee Morris]

I say a lot of things I don't mean when I am pushing away someone I love because I think they are better off without me. So I can understand when you say that you don't know what is the truth and what is a lie. I can only imagine how confusing that must be for my partner. Sometimes, I really believe the terrible things I say because it makes it easier for me to tell myself I'm doing the right thing by pushing them away.

 

[cPTSDwife]

I failed to mention that he also has TBI.. how does having both of them really effect him? I don't want to ask him, he doesn't want to and doesn't like to talk about it and he has been good about answering my questions but I don't want to push my luck..

I honestly do not know very much about TBI, I am going to start reading more on it as well now since I think maybe that hurts him too..

 

[Trying best]

Your story is exactly what I am going through right now. We have been married for year and half. I was completely unaware of ptsd so I lashed out, yelled, showed anger , gave threats, until he exploded and filed for divorce. He says he is done with me and the things I have said to him will never go away. I have now learned my lesson and learnt a lot about ptsd. I realize how selfish and ignorant I was. I am devastated and close to having a mental break down! I almost feel like i might want to go in rehab to deal with this loss as there is nothing I can do to change him. He is not

On meds and says therapy doesn't help. He drinks to keep his mind clear from ptsd world. He says he wants space, and I don't know what that means. It is extremely hard to go a day without knowing what he is doing or how he is doing. He doesn't care about anything as doesn't responds to all of my msgs saying that he is busy with work no matter what time I text him. I cant believe the one person that was my everything doesn't give a two cents about if im even surviving! I am miserable and as I read your post all I could do was cry!

 

[cPTSDwife]

Trying best My husband and I have separated since this post. I was really wanting to try and make things work but I found out he was texting another female for a week, trying to meet up with her. They never met up and he has not spoken with her since but we separated on June 8th. I am still very much struggling and wanting to make it work with him but he is pushing and pushing. He feels ashamed and guilty. We have been together for almost 10 yrs all together and this is the first time he has ever pushed me away since getting PTSD in 2008. I am devastated. He is really confused, I believe it. He still feels unhappy with everything in his life and I think he feels something is missing. I know that he wants to go back to war, it is weighing heavy on his mind for the past few months so with the recent crisis in Iraq, I don't know if that is stirring up old feelings for him mixed with his lack of sleep, shift change at work and feeling very overwhelmed and stressed about household things, money and work. I think it all is just coming to head all at once and he is spiraling down. I cry all of the time, I miss him and my dogs and my home so much. I truly and miserable but I told him the other day that I am going to not contact him as much to respect his space.. I hope that things will become clearer for him. This is the hardest thing that I have ever went through and certainly the worst feeling that I have ever felt.

 

[Trying best]

@0311Wife i feel like every time i talk to my husband, i always end up crying afterwards. Just feeling unwanted and rejected and lack
Of interest amazes me. How can one change from one spectrum to the other. The days i dont talk to him are the easiest days. But like you, i want to work it out so bad. He has filed for divorce , im cooperating but

I delay things here and there's as I still feel like I am dreaming and all this is a bad dream. I miss my dogs too, I haven't seen them in 2
Months and I don't want to see them Because he has them

And to just see them for few minutes is going to hurt real bad. But my husband is also very manipulative if I don't do one thing his way even during current separation, he freaks out and goes on a rampage ! For god sake, he wanted me to
Default my own divorce so he wouldnt have to deal with the contested matters. But i have to
Protect my rights if thas what he wants unless he wants to drip itthen i will fully reconcile.

 

[frustrated in love]

Omg....its so crazy....my bf says the exact same things to me....its kind of comforting to see that I am not the only one going through this... He uses the exact same phrases such as telling me I should find someone else and move on....I know inside he doesn't want me to move on but it seems like he doesn't feel good enough....its very frustrating and tiring....I try to be understanding because I know it probably stems from PTSD....although he has never admitted to having it...and I knew if I brought it up he would get furious.....I guess I just wanted to chime in and say thanks for making me feel like I'm not the only one :)

 

[Mrs Dash]

I can relate to all of the stories above. My husband and I have been married for 3 1/2 years and been together for 8 years and now at the snap of a finger he wanted out of the marriage..told me he is not in love with me anymore...and said he no longer is interested in me. I have been dealing with the verbal attacks and abuse for a long time and I am so broken down inside. I went to counseling for myself and got help because it felt like I was starting to get sick mentally. He is now gone and moved in with another gentleman and his family and he does not answer my text messages at all. He said once were separated for a year he will file for divorce. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around how this all came about so quickly like a light switch. My best friend, soul a mate and confidant is gone To move with a MAN and his family is besides me as well. I still can't understand that one either. So many thoughts are going on in my head about that..smh... But I am trying my best to be strong and move on and do the best I can. He does not support me any kind of way at all. We have no kids together which I'm kind of happy about two it wouldn't hurt them as well but is it hard? Yes absolutely...all day everyday...but a I maintaining? Trying my best to...thank you all for the responses above because it helps me know that my story is similar and we all can try to get thru it with support . I know the stories are posted years ago but PTSD is something that is forever.

 

[Deleted member 39414]

My husband has been suffering with PTSD for 6 years now. Today was a hard day in our home...

He told...

This forum will be your support. I am so sorry this is happening. My ex combat vet wouldn't seek help either. I feel like an alien has taken over his body. It's so hard not to take things personal. But they are shut down. It's like their aperture for emotion is closed. Trust me. It won't get better without help. He is suffering and probably full of self-loathing. My advice from dealing with this and listening to others is give him his space. Tell him you love him but he needs help. Stuff your emotions until you can find a good counselor. Expect to go up to a month with no contact. Then hopefully he will start communicating. As for a family. start working on Plan B and realize that life doesn't always work out as planned. I am single with no kids and do a lot of volunteer work and work with kids. Keep your heart full. Meditate. Do yoga. You will survive this. This has nothing to do with you. Huge hugs.