Dom Violence My Husband Is The Boss

[Sandi]

Having an abusive husband is almost like living the American Dream? Please think about it.

If y...

Do you really think he would hurt my daughter?

 

[hodge]

Hon, he's hurt you. Are you willing to take the chance that he won't hurt her, too? Maybe not today. But eventually, probably. Abusive people abuse others.

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

Do you really think he would hurt my daughter

Yes, he might very well. He will seek to control her, too, and if he can't control her, he will hurt her.

Also, please understand that men who sexually abuse their daughters do it in an attempt to control them. CSA is all about control, power, domination. Your husband is really big on control; I do believe your daughter is in danger.

Just think: If he is capable of going after you for the most idiotic of reasons, just in an attempt to control you, imagine what he could do to her if he couldn't control her - if he couldn't, for instance, get her to stop crying.

Have you ever watched the movie Pay It Forward? If not, I suggest you watch it. It will help you understand the dynamics involved.

Ben

 

[void]

@Sandi :hug:

Men like your husband hurt EVERYONE in their lives....ALL of them.

Think of it, how many people does he NOT bully/control/intimidate/boss around??

He seeks to control everything and everyone in his life...as you have already explained.

He has stripped your support system away....only those who don't resist him are left.

Those with this need to dominate are often Sociopaths and they are never satisfied....they always push for greater submission.

Regarding your baby,.....he will crush her spirit.

He will take from her and never give. He will use force.

Perhaps, your baby will end up like you.....repeating the abuse that began while young.
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Most women like yourself end up in the DV cycle BECAUSE they were abused by their father -OR- saw their mother abused by their father.

Is this what happened in your life?

Our hearts ache for you and your baby...we have lived through or seen this many times.

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My best friend(platonic) TAUGHT DV courses for A LIVING:wideeyed:........it was her CAREER!!!!

.....and she was raped and beaten:blackeye: on a regular basis:cry:.........as she taught women the Cycle.:cry:

Let that sink in.

Past abuse warps and controls our minds Sandi. It causes us to minimize the abuse in our minds, like you are doing.

It stops us from seeing that there is NO LOVE that rapes and punches and forces and controls.

You and your baby can be safe....only you can decide.

 

[Fadeaway]

I would bet you just about anything that, were you to tell your parents the whole truth, they would pop you in their car and take you to safety.

In fact, I would not be surprised if your father beat the Hell out of your husband. I would, if someone did that to my daughter.

Unfortunately, many parents would rather live in denial or encourage their children to stay in abusive relationships for religious reasons. I personally got lectured on how divorce was a sin. Abusers rarely pick women who have a dad that would kick his ass.

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

Unfortunately, many parents would rather live in denial or encourage their children to stay in abusive relationships for religious reasons. I personally got lectured on how divorce was a sin.

Even regarding overt abuse, such as in this case?

I'm a religious person. My faith values human life over all else. It's hard for me to understand the opposite approach.

Ben

 

[EveHarrington]

Abusing the mother IS abusing the child.

Maybe this sounds harsh but we "tell" animals when to eat (by virtue of controlling their feeding schedule). It's completely unacceptable for a husband to tell his wife when to eat. My jaw dropped when I read this-----

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

Eve, I'm with you.

Ben

 

[Fadeaway]

@BuckarooBanzai Well, that was my experience. I was told I must not be a very good wife, because it was my job to make my husband happy, or I wasn't trusting in God and praying hard enough. I got quoted scripture that says if I woman leaves her husband she must never marry again or she would become an adulteress. This distressed me because I was in my early 20's and thought I would have to be alone forever. My grandmother also pulled me aside and told me that the reason my ex-husband and his friends (sanctioned by my ex) had raped me was because I was supposed to be whore in the bedroom and a saint in the kitchen. This was unrelated to the LDS church, and in a state outside of Utah.

However, in the LDS church, they have it even worse. If a woman leaves her husband, she is barred entry into the Celestial Kingdom. and ostracized from the church. Currently living in Utah, I have learned that pretty much the whole state will not support a woman trying to leave a D.V. relationship.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Do you really think he would hurt my daughter

if he's ever been alone with her, who's to say he hasn't already?

I agree with others, you need to make an exit plan, keep it totally safe and just get as far away from him as possible. And if you do that, don't ever go back to him, no matter what lies he uses to try to get you back. Don't be fooled by him, he is a dangerous man and he won't change. Ever. Because he has something wrong in the head and he'll always have that need in him to dominate people who can't stand up to him.

We're not trying to frighten you, just want you and your daughter to be free from him, and safe.

 

[SGT1209]

Hi Sandi,

You are not blowing it out of proportion, it is wrong. I understand you not being ready - get your plan in place now. I lived with the two parts of me fathoming it for too long - I had the 'knight in shining armour' routine. I had death threats to myself, children and my family, I had Intervention Orders/AVO's (he said they were only pieces of paper and he could do what he liked - he was ex-law enforcement) - I thought if I stayed I could keep everyone else safe and he would change (he promised he would - they were all empty promises) - he didn't - it got worse - the emotional abuse was daily (incl phone, text).. ('joking' is emotional abuse - there is always some truth to it - its about controlling you and keeping you in fear to leave and be free).. (and we didn't ever live together - but it was nearly 5years of h*ll)...see the dv wheel I had all of them... I lost friends - easier to keep them away from my nightmare, and they told me to leave - I wouldn't. He would tell me that 'all women are to be subservient to men'...bs!... The person that did this to me was a narcissist, psychopath, sadist, with anger management issues. I now have PTSD.

search : understanding the dynamics abusive relationships (psychologytoday website)
: signs of emotional abuse (liveboldandbloom)
: what gaslighting (loveisrespect)
: thing wish known gaslighting (everydayfeminism)... (*I like this woman's strength).


You can still have the dream you want...just not with this man...please make yourself and your child your #1 priorities.....get out, take time to heal...love yourself and your child....I raised my children without their father by my side (first time it happened)...best thing I have ever done (even though my family wanted me to stay - ultimately I would not tolerate the abuse toward me and the children)...you can do this...we all believe in you, and in you being happy.

Peace love and light to you

 

[Gs172003]

My husband has made it very clear that he is the boss of our marriage. I met him shortly after breaking u...

I'm sorry but he won't get better. He will get worse. You need to get out before he does.