My Husband Just Told Me He's Leaving Me

[Zanshin]

Ah, but you did derail, so let me reply then we can get back to the real thread.

I've lost too many to alcholism, as I said it's one of my cringe points. I'd hate to see Mal or anyone doing well at fighting PTSD and losing to another fierce mental enemy. If it's a couple days coping, I still understand it, but can caution to not let it get too far - as I would expect people to do to me if roles were reversed, and as I have to other friends that I know.

This post was no different than my others in this thread, pointing out things I'm seeing that Mal (Can I call you by just your "first name", @Mal Content? :) ) may be too wound into the situation to see and realize right now. You can be supportive and call people out on potential self-injuring behaviors; I'd argue that it's more supporting than just patting them on the head for everything that they do.

ETA: @Mal Content , if anything I said offended you, I will gracefully back out of this thread and wish you the best going forward. Feel free to message if you don't want to post it here.

 

[EveHarrington]

I see no judgment, just concern. What you see as finger wagging can also be a legitimate message of concern for another's well being.

As someone affected extensively by others who had drinking problems I really do think we'd be the crappiest supporters ever if we didn't even mention concern over alcohol use that may be a negative coping mechanism that could lead down a dark road and make things worse. I'm not the only one who didn't think it was a joke.

 

[UnKnown-Self]

......... All I can say is...... f*ck a duck and shittin feathers! Over and out.

 

[8888]

So sorry to hear that! Thinking of you.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

@Alice.in.Wonderland @Zanshin every one of your comments in this thread so clearly showed that you care about me and are concerned about my well-being. I feel nothing but love and gratitude for both of you!

If one of you had written that comment about wine for breakfast, I honestly don't know which way I would have responded, but, like you, my response would have come from my heart. Let's move past this, ok? I want to hear from both of you! :hug:

 

[GrayOwl]

:hug:
Stars Can't Shine Without Darkness.
Yet they continue to shine.
Hang in there Mal and "To Thine Own Self Be True".
Hope you have a GREAT day, whatever comes your way.:joyful:

I get to see my wife about 5 days a month. In a few hours I make the 5 hour drive to visit for a few days.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder. She tolerated me through horrible drinking and neglect for years and years.
Today we both work on honesty and our relationship. Both are improving, life is again becoming fun, and we are full of hope.
It's not always easy.
I hope good things come your way. Shine On!

 

[UnKnown-Self]

When I said "over and out" I just meant for the evening not forever.
It didn't ever occur to me it would be taken that way or I wouldn't have said it.
When I recognize I'm being triggered, even if I don't know why, it's best to step back. Maybe even partake in some whine.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

:hug:
Stars Can't Shine Without Darkness.
Yet they continue to shine.
Hang in there Mal and "To Thine O...

You just made my day. Thank you, Gray Owl! :hug:

I'm glad that your life is improving.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

My friends, I wish us peace. Namaste.

 

[ladee]

Namaste to you my hard working friend !! I see you not only being understanding with others, but with yourself and the hubs ... that is a rare quality to have after being together for all those years.... you give me strength to be myself, to love who I love and no explanation necessary...Happy that you saw people loving you ! Cherish that. One of the things I love about being here. We get a lot of what we never had, being here. We give it to each other as we attain it for our self... we share...Just so happy you are here with us, not the reasons you are here, they suck, but we would have never got to know such an awesome person... Sending you healing energy and lots of love.... So happy you are in my life!!

 

[Zanshin]

@Alice.in.Wonderland nice wordplay on the whine. I'm sorry if anything I said triggered you as well. I'm a bit... bold... on people's problems and alcohol is a serious trigger for me for a number of reasons.

@Mal Content thank you for understanding my concern. I'm happy for the progress you're making with your husband and the strength you're showing throughout - asking for help and support is tough to do sometimes as well.

 

[hodge]

Alice, I agree with you. The thing with me is, I missed our sex life. It really adds more intimacy to our relationship. It makes us feel closer to each other even more than we already do. I really don't mind having a couple of glasses of wine in order to be physically intimate and my husband likes it as well, so I don't think there's a problem here. I've talked about this with my therapist, too, and she agrees there's nothing wrong with it.

Sorry to interject on your thread, Mal.