My Inner Strength

[MissMacD]

Still a rollercoaster at times. Have started Effexor this week because I had a PTSD relapse over the last year that I couldn't recover from without medication. Funny that last week in therapy I realized how ashamed I have been of myself and thought that some how I did something wrong. Turns out I am not nuts, just super sleep deprived and being haunted by my abuser. Psychiatrist says it looks like I've had a relapse. Normally I can climb out of this type of thing myself, but not this time.

No matter how bad things get, I always know that in these nasty stink weeds -- the sunshine will come to warm me eventually. I am no longer ashamed of myself, and am okay with taking anti depressants so that I can find enjoyment in my life.

Today I started to use my Facebook status to practice self love, this morning I ate breakfast (which I rarely do). Oatmeal!!!!!

Also, my awesome psychiatrist gave me a coping mechanism which I hope that can help someone else. He told me an analogy. Suppose your neighbor puts litter on your lawn everyday, and you clean up the litter everyday which results in missing your bus to work. Your neighbor is laughing and getting enjoyment out of watching you clean up the mess. What do you need to do to get yourself to work? Ignore your neighbor, get on the bus and go to work.

We did therapy Friday which has finally given me some peace and control over my witch of an abuser. If she comes into my mind I am going to not care -- and not react to her. If I do I'll get stuck back there -- picking up her garbage from my lawn and missing the bus.

I know it will take some time to learn this, but am more than motivated to get it right. My heart goes out to all of you suffering. Never give up, cause when you truly need it all of your strongest armies will come to your aid.

 

[MissMacD]

I see my life as a grand saga with me the heroine of it. I have PTSD from childhood where my father died in a great tragedy that was in all the papers.My mother was mentally ill so i've been on my own since age seven. Today I feel my inner strength returning. Something in me refuses to give up. I just believe in me and all I do to make the world better for me and everyone . Yes, I had a relapse in PTSD. But I think I will follow Anthony's advice and focus on only one important task today.

Funny that my mom disappeared around the same age, and less than a month after my mom left (parents were married for 13 years) my dad replaced her with a sociopath. So yes, I have been mostly alone since I was 6 -- and some days I can only handle a few minutes at a time. But the bad times always pass <3