Three years ago I packed my bags and left my hometown for a city where nobody knew me. The decision came naturally to me but it was not easy to do because I come from a small town that nobody leaves. Originally I had decided to move to a city where my sisters are, but realized the mistake in moving to where I had associated pain, and that in order to recover I needed a fresh start.
The last few months in my hometown were brutal and every day was agonizing lonliness as I awaited for my departure day. I sold and gave away all of my belongings - 24 years worth except a few suitcases of essential and sentimental things. When my departure day arrived it felt surreal. A few hours later I arrived in my destination city -- 1500 kilometers from home, 2 million people. A step up from a town of 40,000.
I landed just before midnight and met a student who I'd found through Craigslist who had agreed to give me a place to stay until I could find an apartment and a job. April 22, 2008 the turning point in my life.
Here I am three years later, and although I am in the most intense emotional pain of my life I am here and grounded. I met the man of my dreams here who was the first person who could take the sadness from my eyes. He was the first person to see it. My boyfriends family who loves me so deeply it makes me weep with joy. I found a solid employer who is understanding when I need to take off time from work for my PTSD. Moving away gave me the separation from my pain to heal. I will never give up, because despite being tortured within inches in my life -- I am still alive and kicking. I have beaten so many odds. I have found the help I need in the city, and despite the progress being slow I know that I am getting there and I have the chance to live a normal life.
I am no longer living in exile in my hometown. I am free.
The last few months in my hometown were brutal and every day was agonizing lonliness as I awaited for my departure day. I sold and gave away all of my belongings - 24 years worth except a few suitcases of essential and sentimental things. When my departure day arrived it felt surreal. A few hours later I arrived in my destination city -- 1500 kilometers from home, 2 million people. A step up from a town of 40,000.
I landed just before midnight and met a student who I'd found through Craigslist who had agreed to give me a place to stay until I could find an apartment and a job. April 22, 2008 the turning point in my life.
Here I am three years later, and although I am in the most intense emotional pain of my life I am here and grounded. I met the man of my dreams here who was the first person who could take the sadness from my eyes. He was the first person to see it. My boyfriends family who loves me so deeply it makes me weep with joy. I found a solid employer who is understanding when I need to take off time from work for my PTSD. Moving away gave me the separation from my pain to heal. I will never give up, because despite being tortured within inches in my life -- I am still alive and kicking. I have beaten so many odds. I have found the help I need in the city, and despite the progress being slow I know that I am getting there and I have the chance to live a normal life.
I am no longer living in exile in my hometown. I am free.
