My Little Introduction

[Chris]

Hey, I'm Chris, I don't do very well with putting a lot of info about me out into the public, plus I don't trust people, so if you find any of the following interesting, then feel free to message me. Even though I am here for help, it's extremely hard for me to open up, so please don't expect roses and rainbows at first. I am a realist, if it doesn't make sense and fit into the natural order of the universe, I would rather not bother wasting my time with it. I am on active duty, my branch is Infantry. I have had 2 combat tours. Both good and bad things happened on them. I have been admitted to a psychiatric hospital in their inpatient program twice, and am currently attending their outpatient program. I used to have nightmares about the things I have seen and done on my tours, so I stopped sleeping. I am on a laundry list of psychotropics, anti-psychotics, sleep meds, narcotics, benzos, and pain killers. I'm 25 years old but physically I feel like I am 50. I am always exhausted, strung out, ready to snap, moody, and angry. I don't drink for fear of losing control, I abhor the thought of illegal drugs, but I smoke cigarettes like they are going out of style and drink ungodly amounts of coffee. I can't go 30 minutes without a cigarette before I have a massive panic and anxiety attack. I think that's enough about me. Please comment or message me if you have found this interesting.

"Inside I'm a danger to myself, Inside I'm a prisoner in my own Hell"​

Five Finger Death Punch​

My Own Hell
​

 

[Jimmy1]

Hey Chris, welcome to the forum.
The font you chose hurt my eyes, but like anything else, thats up to me to deal with.
All the symptoms you are giving are common among the majority of veterans with PTSD.
I am not having a pissing competition with you, I will just let you know a little about me. I personally started on my medication and a PTSD course over four years ago now. I was on anti-psychotics, antidepressants, benzos, and pain killers. After returning I had bowel surgery, shoulder surgery and recently back surgery. The self medication was the worst for me as I substituted all my meds for alcohol and marijuana as well as any pill with a kick in it. I also used to smoke over a pack and a half a day.

Times have changed and will change for you mate.
I have stuck with the medication and the therapy and now am on a limited dose of antidepressants. I drink rarely and have even given up smoking. I still miss it sometimes and never imagined being able to cope with the stress without them, but I am (JUST).

We don't need to know anything about you mate, thats up to you. I take it from Fort Bliss you are in the states, me, I am an aussie.

The one thing we all have in common is the 'Beast' as we affectionately know it as.
There are very few rules here. The main one is that you have to be a veteran with PTSD and that you respect each other. You don't have to even comment if you don't want to. But we would appreciate anybodies point of view.

Once again, Welcome mate.

Jimmy

 

[Chris]

Yeah I realized that was a pretty shitty font to use.... unfortunately after I posted it LOL. Just my luck, I promise to change the font for you crusty old wardogs.

 

[Jimmy1]

Nah mate its cool, I am nearly as old as you feel, 45, I need my peepers on sometimes.

Crusty hey?? I resemble that remark.

 

[Chris]

I think each one of us in here is crusty about something.

 

[Wagon]

Welcome Chris. you'll find allot of good people and info here. It is great to get a few different perspectives on this Beast.

I'm pretty new to this as well. Found out about 7 months ago. But I have had PTSD for 20 plus years. Go figure. And then things really got wacky.

Yeah, I'm a bit crusty too. But young in........ well something. Shirt is fresh today anyway.

Welcome aboard.
Wagon

 

[Ammonthejarhead]

Hey Chris...I just got out of the National PTSD clinic, (inpatient) and have my first visit with a counselor at the local Vet center today. Believe me...you ever need to talk about those programs feel free to hit me up. Take care my Brother.

 

[Misera1013]

Welcome Chris! These are some great people in here.

 

[reddevil1111]

Chris, I found this place by accident and it has been a godsend. There is more info in here than anywhere you can look. So if you dont feel chatty its ok. Just read and I promise you will feel more relaxed knowing we all share the beast in common. This is the only place that accepts me for being me and understands when I post a rant to vent when no one else in the world cares to listen. This place is my safe zone and its becoming a real home. Its nicer in here than in my marrage.
So Welcome and all that trash.

 

[Chris]

I want to apologize to everyone for being so curt, I posted this before I read any of the other topics, and I can see that everyone here cares about each other. You all have the well being of each other here in mind and you are all a family that I would love to be a part of and share with.

 

[Chris]

I actually searched for combat PTSD forums and this was the first one to pop up.

 

[Ammonthejarhead]

I agree RD...this is a place where we as Brothers can discuss things WITHOUT being judged. My gf joined a PTSD support group, but it was for everyone who has PTSD and she was always kicked out of the conversations because there were NO vets in it only people with early childhood traumas etc....it hurt her a lot when they would say "we don't want to talk about "military" right now. She got kicked out of the group because one of the chick members told her I was "babying" me and that I just needed to get over it my gf of course defended me and didn't say anything offensive...SHE GOT KICKED OUT OF A PTSD FORUM!!!! That hurt her a lot. You guys talk about anything...no judgement...none...we are all Brothers/Sisters and here for each other when most people are like that girl and says "get over it". I might be a hard head sometimes, but we are all but we understand each other. Great forum!!!!