Death My Mom Is Dying

[Lionheart]

My mother is 80 years old and has end-stage COPD.

She is having exacerbations of COPD that have caused her respiratory failure, hypoxia, unresponsiveness etc. and this will continue to happen and she will get worse, until finally she passes away.

This has happened four times, so far, with good days in between. Hospice has taken over as we made the decision to make her comfortable and allow her to pass.

My mind is quite preoccupied with thoughts of my mother and memories of times shared.

I decided to post this thread because I am starting to shut down. I am filled with anticipatory grief. I can barely get words to come out of my mouth, I have lost my appetite, I want to isolate.

I don't really want to talk about it., I'd like to pretend it isn't happening, but I know differently.

thanks for listening.

 

[GrayOwl]

Hi Lionheart........
You have my utmost condolences. About 4 years ago my 87 year old mother started a process of heart attacks and strokes. Shortly after she passed away peacefully in hospice care. I was her only living close family. We had discussed and prepared many times over the years her wishes. That did not make it any easier for me, but knowing in my heart exactly what it was she wished for and knowing also how she felt, I was much more at peace. We can never be 100% sure, but I was as close as I could be to knowing I was doing what she wanted. This allowed me to focus my energies more on being there with her rather than doubting or doing busy work.
It was still a shock to my system because we had grown very close in the 20 some years since my father had passed. But I am so incredibly grateful that we shared many good times and we both understood as well as we could at the time what the processes were. None of that makes it easy. I understand the feeling of loss and, for lack of better words, desperation. I hope you have great consolation in happy memories and knowing that you are there for her. There is no greater gift than to be at one's side. It sounds like you have been strong and done many of the right things. You show compassion in your words and I am very sure your mother feels that. I wish I could say more.
God's peace and blessings to you all. Remain strong. I'm sure you will.
You are in my thoughts and prayers. And thank you for posting.

 

[The Albatross]

Prayers to cover you all Lion, you all have done all you could to give her a solid chance.

 

[Teamwork]

Remember we are all here for you. Keep the isolation down by checking in with us, even if it's to see who responded to the thread. I'll bet you'll soon discover that others have done this journey already. Mine was 58 when she passed.
Grief is a very personal journey so any conception you have of it right now may change as you go through the experience. There are a few things you can think about now concerning your own wishes, such as if given the opportunity do you want to be there when she goes? Is there anything you wish to say to her that has been left unsaid?
I remember that part with my mom and I walked away from her death bed with no regrets. I think it was because of that aspect for me of knowing that my mom and I had reconciled some issues way before her death that when it came to standing watch, I had nothing to regret.

 

[Tinyflame]

I'm very very sorry @lionheart . I know how heartbreaking it is. :( :cry:

My prayers and love for you, for her, for your family. Thank you for letting us know.
Xoxoxoxoxox :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

 

[Ronin]

Prayers and care, Lionheart.

 

[City Slicker]

@Lionheart777

I am so sorry to hear this.

Having lost my mom I know that anticipatory grief you mentioned. If it's any help I can say that the anticipatory grief was way worse than the grief I felt when she finally passed.

One step at a time.

 

[Lionheart]

We knew that moms health would bounce back and forth and then she would pass away, but I called about her condition and her nurse said that she does not look at all like a hospice patient and that the doctors are talking about sending her back to the nursing home...I thank God for good days like this and I am hoping that I will get to see her either later tonight or tomorrow!!

They even said my mom has been singing and that they all just adore her. My grief has a moment to pause.

 

[Teamwork]

I love the phrase, my grief has a moment to pause.

 

[Lionheart]

Because of all the medications she was given to keep her sedated and pain-free, my mom does not remember much of the last 3 weeks that she has been in and out of the hospital. (She has been given medications known as Versed, Propofol, and Morphine.)

She is very confused and disoriented.

She does not realize that she is dying and I am anxious about that because she will soon discover the truth and I don't know how she will handle it.

I am worried about her mental state....yesterday, she asked five times where she was at and what she was doing there. Then afterwards, stated that she did not know where she was.

She is doing much better than expected because she is alive and back at the nursing home, but the fact that she is dying is not lost on me. I hope some good comes of all of this and know it is making me a better person, but at what price?

Thank you to all who have replied to this thread, I am grateful for your words of comfort and wisdom.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Lionheart777 I'm so sorry that you are facing this. Unfortunately all of us eventually will be in a similar place. I hope that your mom gains a bit of herself and will be able to understand what's going on. Or maybe it would be best if she doesn't. It's a tough place for you and your family to be.

Hang in there, and just love her the best that you can, and be grateful for whatever time you have with her.

 

[Abstract]

Much support and good thoughts for you and your mother Lion.