Dom Violence My Mum Just Hit Me & Tried To Drive Drunk

[Lolly]

Holy crap yes, you need to address this. I'm a recovering alcoholic and nobody did me any favors letting m...

First off, thank you so much for your reply! I've been dealing with this drinking problem with my Mum on my own for a few years now, & no one has ever give me advice on how to deal with it (especially advice as good as yours!!!), so honestly, thank you so much!! I'm going to take it all on board!!

With the amount of times my sister vommited (and yes she is on a lot of meds! but I made sure she didn't have her evening meds - which is the stronger stuff - so it wouldn't mix with the alchohol.) I wasn't sure to phone an ambulance? next time (hopefully there won't be a next time) I think I'll have to do it to be safe. It been monitoring her & Mum, they've not been sick since 1:30am (about 2hrs 45mins), they're both breathing fine. I'm too scared to go to sleep incase one of them is sick in there sleep though!!! D:

I have been trying to get my Mum into therapy for a long time now (she goes to a family therapist every few weeks with my sis, that's it!), but it's proving increasingly difficult to get her to go. She won't even acknowledge that she has an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. My Mum is a complete lightweight when it comes to alcohol. After one small glass of wines she's tipsy - give her a whole bottle & she'll be drunk as a sailor! When she gets drunk, the next day when I try to confront her about it, she'll treat me like a complete liar. Last time she was this drunk, she did try to hit me, so I suppose I should have taken it as a sign that the next time it could go further. I'm just praying there won't be a next time, so I don't have to find out what comes next.

I'm definitely going to come up with a back-up plan if staying here is going to be a bad idea. We'll just have to see how it all pans out tomorrow I guess after I confront them both :/

thank you again. your message was so helpful!!!!

 

[The Albatross]

Alcohol is a disinhibitor (er?)... when there is familial dysfunction and family members enable each other in maladaptive behaviors like substance abuse (alcohol)... you were slapped because you stood your ground against the escalating and increasingly more dysfunctional dynamic between your mother and sister. Your mother acted out because she was feeling that meeting her eyes was a challenge or a judgment (and I got tons of experience with this personally).

You did the right thing to get the keys away from your mother, you tended to them both, but heck yeah I would not bury this. When they are sober I'd have a serious sit down about both the binge drinking, the two enabling each other, and the fact that your sister needs consistent care... all these are totally legitimate concerns. Mother in particular and sister perhaps may need recovery meetings or intervention for substance abuse if not addiction.

I don't know how old you are, but you will need intervention as well... meetings for how to deal with alcoholics... it's a life skill at least, and can be a relationship changer at best.

Kudos for you though you took on more than "should" be necessary to keep your mother and sister safe. Very glad you're here and that your posting.

 

[The Albatross]

P.S. I myself am a co-occurring behaviors PTSD and SUDS... substance abuse disorder syndrome, alcohol was my former motus operandi... and I am about 15 years in recovery though not entirely abstinent (full disclosure)... I practice harms reduction and have done AA, AL anon, Adult Children of Alcoholics, SMART Recovery, ... you just about name it and I've thrown all including the kitchen sink at it.

I though stood my ground against my first abuser and at times alcohol was involved (my father)... I am old now... 55 almost 56... but hey, education, peer support, are assistive.

Wishing you and your family well... blessings gal.

 

[The Albatross]

P.S.S. Mediation with an independent third party or other family members for a sit down might be appropriate so you don't have to withstand the stuff from either side, your mom or sister. Just and additional thought.

 

[Lolly]

Alcohol is a disinhibitor (er?)... when there is familial dysfunction and family members enable eac...

ahh, that's very interesting... it would never have crossed my mind that looking into her eyes when she's agitated would feel like a silent threat. Thank you for explaining that!!

Thanks! I'm definitely going to have a sit down with them tomorrow - I don't care how bad their headache is I need to get my feelings across while I've got the confidence!!

I would definitely class them as binge drinkers. They have a couple of drinks during the week, but then every other week one of them (occasionally both) will get completely smashed! I can deal if one of them is drunk, but it's when they're both drunk it becomes increasingly difficult. I think my chat with them tomorrow will have to be some sort of intervention. I can't live in a house with people that constantly put me in situations like this - it really screws me up!!

Thank you so much!! I'm so pleased I posted here, I feel so much better for actually telling someone about it. And the amount of awesome advice I've received is priceless, thank you!!

 

[The Albatross]

Very welcome... glad I was assistive.

 

[Lolly]

P.S. I myself am a co-occurring behaviors PTSD and SUDS... substance abuse disorder syndrome, alco...

thank you so much petal!!! you've clearly been through so much yourself, and I hope that each day is getting better for you rather than harder! Wish you all the best, and sending lots of good vibes from very old England haha.

 

[Lolly]

P.S.S. Mediation with an independent third party or other family members for a sit down might be ap...

unfortunately I've tried this... because my Mum made me out to be a liar to my family (re: her drinking), I couldn't get together any support for an intervention. My two older sisters understand that she gets "weird" (their words) when she gets drunk, but unfortunately they don't belief that she can be aggressive or violent. I'm hoping that telling them about this instance will help them to understand a bit better!

 

[The Albatross]

Locking eyes... is a very primal thing. When peeps are high or loaded it can be interpreted as a challenge, judgment, threat and they're chemically affected so they default to their hardwiring cuz they have no governor... (like I said don't know your age but government vehicles used to have a "governor" to limit the maximum speed of the vehicle)... weird I know but best analogy I got at the moment.

 

[The Albatross]

My life in recovery is consistently better... thanks, I didn't know that underneath the booze I had PTSD... I wasn't even diagnosed officially til after I came to this forum... but yeah, thanks.

 

[The Albatross]

The family dynamics though... mine and my spouses... well they still revolve around unhealthy dynamics and alcohol or prescription drug abuse. But we're solid in recovery (my mister is a product of two alcoholic parents and neglect but not PTSD and his brother is a three time DUI alcoholic and still in his behaviors though his mom is sober and his father has passed).

 

[The Albatross]

Hard row to hoe, but stay above the fray (as best as you are able), take evasive maneuvers when necessary to protect yourself and be consistent in your character... to thine own self be true gal cuz in the end you have to look yourself in the eyes when you look in the mirror and feel okay. That's all I got.