Sufferer My Poor Bride And My Ptsd

[jcat]

Okay... So I've had the therapy one on one and group and a lot of it. I can reach out and help others with PTSD. My compassion and empathy have grown tremendously over the years. The biggest cause of my PTSD was having two ex wives disappear with my kids. I wasn't abusive to them and was no threat they just did what they did and some people are just totally messed up in the head. I get that. I guess the issue now is truly loving and trusting my new bride. She deserves so much more than I seem able to give her emotionally. I love her but just can't seem to be able to really love her. The way I was able to before. With other partners. She is happy and knows I love her. But.... She didn't know the me... And how I loved 20 years ago. Yep.....talking to a shrink about it but.......

 

[anthony]

Have you been diagnosed with PTSD because of relationship breakdowns? Or are you saying this is your major stressor, but your diagnosis stems from something else?

 

[Sighs]

Criteria A - "an event or events that involved actual or threatened death or serious injury, or a threat to the physical integrity of self or others". Did you ex-wives threaten to harm the children? No expert but hard to see how a relationship breakdown could meet Criteria A...

No disrespect intended to you and not to minimize your suffering over losing your kids - just think PTSD is often used by non-professionals to mean "I was really upset by something" - when in fact its a whole lot more than that.

 

[anthony]

Criteria A - "an event or events that involved actual or threatened death or serious injury, or a threat to the physical integrity of self or others". Did you ex-wives threaten to harm the children? No expert but hard to see how a relationship breakdown could meet Criteria A...

Whilst I see your point, your reference is incorrect... that is DSM IV, which is no longer applicable for diagnosis... DSM V:

Exposure to actual or threatened death, serious injury, or sexual violence in one (or more) of the following ways:

1. Directly experiencing the traumatic event(s),
2. Witnessing, in person, the event(s) as it occurred to others,
3. Learning that the traumatic event(s) occurred to a close family member or close friend. In cases of actual or threatened death of a family member or friend, the event(s) must have been violent and accidental.
4. Experiencing repeated or extreme exposure to aversive details of the traumatic event(s) (e.g., first responders collecting human remains; police officers repeatedly exposed to details of child abuse).

[DLMURL]https://www.myptsd.com/c/thevault/posttraumatic-stress-disorder.17/?page=2[/DLMURL]

 

[jcat]

Yes I have been diagnosed with PTSD. I think the marital and kids trauma affect my overall detachment when it comes to my wife. She is everything I ever wanted and more. We have both had very traumatic lives and share the same types of trauma and at the same ages when they happened. It's safe to say that when a shrink lists off the 10 major traumas that life can deal you it's just easier and a lot faster to name the 2 that I haven't been through. I would never say my life has been worse than another persons as we all take things differently. But it has been a rough go of it. I had a shrink actually tell me she was a little surprised I wasn't in a corner drooling on myself lol. Okay.... Not funny but thank God I'm a very strong person

 

[p-no]

Welcome, jcat! :)

 

[intothelight]

@jcat When you say....

I guess the issue now is truly loving and trusting my new bride.

are you experiencing some emotional numbness? Also, many people with PTSD have major trust issues since many times the abusers are people who under normal circumstances are the people we should be able to trust. e.g. parent, spouse, etc. It is good that you are addressing this in therapy and there are also a lot of threads and posts here on this subject.

I hope you find the information and support here beneficial.

 

[jcat]

I guess I should clarify that this is one aspect of my PTSD diagnosed by 2 psychiatrists in 2 different states. The second diagnosis came before the doctor had received my records and I didn't mention it to him. The divorce and kids are more of "the straw that broke the camal's back"

I've had years of therapy one year of which was spent with a one on one and a group session every week. I guess it just sucks that I have the detachment and numbness to some extent. The permanent scar that will always be there.

However.... I'd like to offer up this to all. There is light at the end of the tunnel. After a lifetime of one sever trauma after another and a decade of therapy, I do lead a pretty normal life. I was even taken off meds 6 months ago and I'm doing fine. I don't have panic attacks, a little higher than normal anxiety at times but not very often.

I'm finding this site to be very helpful though. Now I'm a surviver not a victim. I can offer people insight, a new perspective and a lot of understanding on many different kinds of traumatic events. That in itself helps maintain a healthy level of empathy and keeps me from being as numb.

Don't worry folks..... Stay in therapy, stay on your meds, by all means NEVER stop taking your meds without your doctors approval and follow his/her instructions to the letter while coming off them. Try and stay aware of your headspace and what effects your meds are having on you even after you find a medication that works. Lastly, it's always a good idea for your doctor to explain side effects to those closest to you it can be a very useful tool on dialing in your dosage and adjusting it through your healing process

 

[intothelight]

I guess it just sucks that I have the detachment and numbness to some extent. The permanent scar that will always be there.

I don't know that it will always be there, but could it be the new marriage is triggering some of the past and it is fear that is holding you back? Is it something you can chip away at and work together on as a couple? Sometimes the hardest thing that the spouse of someone who has PTSD deals with is the detachment and/or periods of isolation or withdrawal. You might want to read some of the supporter threads on this topic just to get their viewpoint.

Trauma shakes trust to the foundation and major life stressors like divorce can be a lot harder to process or to recover from with PTSD. Keep tweaking your recovery so that you continue to live life to the fullest.

 

[jcat]

Thanks.... My wife has a pretty bad personality disorder. Our insurance didn't want to cover abilify and so her doctor switched her medication. Since everyone doesn't react the same on meds..... Ooofta! She was blacking out and verbally attacking me. Threatening to leave, accusing me of all kinds of things I wasn't doing or saying. And on the turn of a dime. Basically full on psychotic episodes. That's what triggered me.

The doc forced the issue with our insurance and she's back on abilify. They don't like covering it because it's $1200 a month so they won't unless there is no other choice. Fortunately for us she's tried enough different meds things swung in our favor there.

We also have the same shrink and that's very nice. Most won't take a husband and wife when they aren't seeking marriage counseling but individual therapy. He settled me down and explained what was going on with her. He didn't breach confidentiality which is good and he would never do that.

We have a very good relationship. We've both had the same traumas at pretty close to the same ages in our childhood and they're the heavy ones mental, physical and sexual abuse. Sudden death of a parent and rape. All in our teens.

Since my first post she's back to normal I'm back to normal and we're back to normal. Whatever normal is LOL

 

[jcat]

If it wasn't for her ability to truly relate her life to mine I really doubt I'd be off meds. At the same time my ability to do closely related my life to hers has allowed her to stop taking some of her meds as well. She'll always need the abilify unfortunately but our love and true understanding of all aspects of each other have replaced the pills. We are 2 very blessed and lucky people