My Rapist Was On The News- Major Flashback

[Belle Reve]

My mom triggered a major flashback for me a few hours ago and I don't know how to handle the situation. How do I respond? How do I assert myself? How do I comfort myself? I don't know what to think, I'm in a pretty bad way. She knows I survived a sexual assault and three months of sexual abuse at the hands of my high school teacher when I was 17. After I got out of rehab (now over a year sober from my addiction to my old pain pill prescription) I explained to her what triggers my flashbacks, etc, and I continue to direct her for my own comfort and to maintain our relationship/clear communication.

I'm still down in my hometown visiting my parents- I go back to my apartment and uni next week.

Last night, out of no where, Mama tells me, "Guess what your brother and I saw on the news a couple weeks ago?"

I asked her what, and she said another teacher was being investigated for sexual assault/abuse.
(THIN ICE, MOM, WE'VE TALKED ABOUT THIS.)

Mom: "And when the news showed his picture, it was (my rapist)!"

I felt like I was going to throw up. I still feel like I'm going to throw up. She kept talking about him and this $#@& news story even though I kept telling her to stop: "This is too much for me, Mom, I can't handle this" etc.

It was like she was happy that my attacker had popped back into my life-
"Oh, well, they've got him, now, honey, don't worry, he can't escape them now! He's in the system again, he'll go to jail for sure!"

(When I was 17 and reported the abuse I survived to the police, they charged him but he got off scot-free.)

It felt like she was only trying to comfort herself with this knowledge. It was like I'd been stabbed in the chest.

It feels like she never listens to me- she accidentally throws me into the worst flashbacks because of her actions and her accidentally thoughtless/insensitive words, even when I'm literally exclaiming "STOP MAMA, I CAN'T DO THIS."

I know she just wants to "make it better" or help me, but holy crap-- I'm reeling from this and I feel like there's no one I can go to because when I got upset, when I panicked and dissociated, she got frustrated with ME.
"Great now you're mad at me! Now I've upset you! Great!" etc.

I feel so alone and vulnerable. I managed to distance myself mentally and physically from my attacker, but thanks to Mama I feel like he's right over my shoulder again. I feel exposed like he knows where I am and when he can get me. I am completely aware that these are illusions- but it feels real like he's some huge, nightmare monster...

My mom tossed me head first into a storming ocean.
I feel so betrayed, so vulnerable, so hurt I can't even cry.
I don't know how I can feel my feelings without bringing on the stress of Mama's bad mood.

I haven't been able to sleep all night.
How do I respond to this? My therapist has a family emergency so I don't want to bother him.

Now I'm angry and panicking/flashbacks. How do I address my anger and hurt to my mom? She has a very unpredictable temper.

How do I assert myself? How do I comfort myself? How can I comfort myself now in a healthy way?

 

[scout86]

Do you have the option of returning to school now, because it sounds like time to go home, to me.

I have NO idea what your mom's problem is with the definition of the word "stop". It's a fairly simple word. You aren't likely to change her, though, and it doesn't sound like being around her right now is very helpful

As far as the other deal goes, flashback is an illusion. It's over, the original event is over, and the rat bastard is in jail. Focus on "this time he might get what he deserves and who ever let him off last time has reason to feel responsible" if you need to focus on something. Focus on you're safe NOW, you have control over the situation NOW, and things like that.

What do you usually do when you have trouble sleeping? Have you discussed sleeping, flashbacks, mom, with your T? What does he say? If you really get in a bind and need to contact him, I'm sure he'd prefer you contacting him to you getting yourself into a real crisis. Personally, step 1 would be to get out of that house and find someplace more supportive to stay. Even if it was a hotel.

 

[Anarchy]

Here's a quick link to help you ground and soothe yourself
http://pete-walker.com/13StepsManageFlashbacks.htm
It's bloody difficult when that happens. I find it very quickly ends up in a fight with them angrily justifying it in ways that only make it worse:
"I'm only trying to help"
or
"this is reality"
or
"you're too sensitive, you're over reacting"

Can you find a way to limit exposure to her until you manage to go back to uni?

 

[shimmerz]

She kept talking about him even though I kept telling her to stop

My heart goes out to you. I can feel (in my own way) what you are saying here. I am so sorry. People just don't get it. I am certain your Mom was trying to get across that justice was served, which is fine for people who are not sufferers. So frustrating when people won't stop. :hug:

 

[Belle Reve]

Thanks so much for the resources. My family just doesn't seem to understand how upsetting this is for me and it's a subject they don't want to address (I can't blame them) so it may be best to retreat and focus on self-care. (My family does always try their best to help me but there is only so much they can understand/help without actually experiencing PTSD)

I feel stupid, weak and whiny- my mom's old frequent demand ("GET OVER IT") is ringing in my head but I've learned that if something upsets me, I can't escape it or deny it- I have to work through it. Thank you so much for listening and giving your advice.

After some sleep, I'm feeling much more grounded and safe- I always underestimate sleep's importance when it comes to this.