My Regret

[sonicwhite]

I see how gullible I was and how I wanted to change the course of my life just to be back with someone who never had my best interest in heart and also lied to me.


I blamed myself for all the problems but it is now coming to light that I was atleast more forgiving and tried. I'm not going to go back on past hatred. Instead I'm going to learn from my mistakes. Just because a woman is beautiful doesn't mean she is always telling the truth. I'm so glad our relationship ended the way it did becuase she prolly saw for the first time someone who cared.


I do plan on however moving on. What I found out has made it a lot easier for me to. Start slow. Don't jump into things and always communicate. I want someone who will love me. Not lust after me.

 

[EveHarrington]

It sounds like you have a good plan for moving forward! :)

 

[illusionist]

Imo love comes after lust...takes time to achieve. Take with you lessons learned..

We are always learning....sounds like you are, and acting on it.

 

[sonicwhite]

The thing is I hate being lied too. For eleven years I believed this woman because of her looks. Beauty like that is truly only skin deep. I fogive her. But what broke us up where are enlarged egos getting in the way.

I now know to communicate to a woman. First friends above all things. Find something you both have in common and I mean like faith or something. Then don't get your hopes up. Just try to see it work into what it will be.

I cannot believe I was deceived as much as I was but I was just a kid. Now I see the land minds and look out for them. Been that since 07 and I'm going to continue in this way.

 

[illusionist]

So this relationship ended 07?

 

[sonicwhite]

No in 05 but I was going to date someone worse then her in 07 and I saw the destruction beforehand and told her I will prolly never see you again.

Over the years weight from meds and just being lazy because of apathy. I have lost a lot of my good looks. I will admit like a fly to the flame I am drawn to physical beauty. I hate that about myself but it's true.

How on earth I was able to resist and see beforehand what was going to happen I just praise my Lord. Over the years I have been reclused, stuck in my room just trying to cope with the pain I endured in 05. A psychosis that left me damaged.


If it didn't happen I would be dead today but because it happened it opened my eyes.


But I do wish for a relationship to bloom. Maybe two ppl are really meant for each other. I just haven't found her. But I fear the longer I go without I lose my grip on how to get a woman interested.


So instead of trying to impresse I will just find a loving funny person who will accept me for me. My ailments. My past afflictions. There will be no secrets.

 

[sonicwhite]

I have just as much to blame as she my ex does. Eleven years ago this happened. I don't know why my heart is going in reverse instead of healing. Maybe cause I'm just now finding out a lot that I didn't know that I should of seen but being gullible I just thought she was telling the truth.


Now when I look back on it I asked God to bring me and her back together. Now I see why God didn't allow that to happen and I'm thankful for it. He sees more then we know or see and can keep His children from harm.


I want the best for her. I'm tired of thinking about the what ifs. But if this is what I have to go through to learn not to touch the fire than so be it.