Death My Sister Died Last Night

[recoveringfromptsd]

@AngelkeeperJ/AKJ I just turned to my DBT book and used Worksheet 7, which has to do with opposite action and emotion.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

@recoveringfromptsd :hug:
Here is a picture my son took on the island he lives on now. In the past, I would have been depressed and upset that he, his wife, and my grandchildren are living half way around the world.

I have learned to "step back and observe" my feelings, in order to allow myself to be "comfortable" while feeling sad, about not having a larger and frequent presence in their lives.

I can be more rational, than emotional, which allows me to see and appreciate all the good and positive things that are happening in their lives because they live where they are.

That soothes me emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. As a result, I am not depressed about the situation. That is a HUGE change in my coping skills.

Persistently being in therapy and choosing to learn how to deal with emotionally difficult feelings instead of hiding or burying them, has led me to being who and what I want to be.

I finally can live "in the now", instead of the past, or the future. That only served to make me miserable and kept me "treading water" emotionally, instead if swimming forward into healthy thinking and feeling.

I know that there will be times that I may regress to my old way of thinking and feeling, but I have made that important shift in my way of coping.

This picture is one that I am going to work on using as a focal point, to learn how to focus on it's beauty, stillness, and light, when my mind needs a resting place.

You are engaging in life, and sharing with us (me) the ways that you are learning and using to attain more control over your emotional and mental state of mind.

Again... I hope that all makes sense. It's WAY past my bedtime...

Take good care of yourself, and be proud of how far you have come!:hug:

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

View attachment 47074
@recoveringfromptsd :hug:
Here is a picture my...

I am taking care of myself as best I can, getting better at it as time goes on. Despite PTSD and bi-polar, speaking of bi-polar, had another bi-polar depressive drop around noon.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

@recoveringfromptsd :hug::tup::hug:
I hope you bounce back from your drop quickly...maybe even today? :):hug:

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

@AngelkeeperJ/AKJ I know I will, I am an ultradian cycler, so my switches in mood happen quickly. It could be worse if I was not on medication, this I can tolerate. It's just unsettling. Good thing my recent blood work showed my lithium level at 0.9 which is near perfect.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

((( @recoveringfromptsd )))
I think...and this is my opinion...that you are a good educator. I say this because I have learned A LOT from you, about self care, self regulating, and being an active participant in one's own mental and emotional health. You may think this is not a big deal, but I have met many, MANY co-sufferers who expect medication, and other people to be "in charge" of making them feel better.

Being a "participant", and "observer" in your journey of learning how to "stay, or go", has allowed me to learn from you, and to find my own courage and stamina. As I read about your struggles, I say to myself "if SHE can do it, so can I! You may not be able to understand why you are an inspiration to me, but, I do want to give you that credit!

You do have a good psyche team, whom you trust, and who can be trusted. Not all providers are diligent and careful with medicating us. I am thankful that YOU are taking charge of your OWN care!

My friend in California...the one I visited in May...had been in the hospital and had SEVERE shakes. Come to find out, the psychiatrist had NOT made sure her Lithium levels were checked, and her level was SKY-HIGH!!! In the hospital, they had discontinued it (obviously) and sent her home with instructions to CONTINUE the lithium. (Me, "say WHAT???" :eek:)

That's when I arrived, and her family had been wary of giving her the Lithium again, after she hadn't had it for almost 10 days...:mad: I BEGGED her to insist on getting off the Lithium. She was also on Lamictal, which is what I take. She had NO business being on both meds. She did get permission to wean off, and within THREE days, her shakes were GONE. Her main problems are COPD and Congestive Heart Failure, which had gone undiagnosed. We REALLY have to be our own advocates in the world of medicine these days!

What you said about being ultradian, was interesting. I wonder if maybe I am a little like that? I can "flip" from being fine, to NOT fine, and back to fine again, in the course of a day. It really gets in the way of trying to keep my moods level. It is kind of reassuring to know that other's can "bounce" up and down in a similar way.

I hope today is a good day for you, and that you will more stable and confident, as you head towards continued EMDR sessions. I have full faith in you, and your decision to give your ALL, in order to assure that your life continues, literally!:hug:

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

@AngelkeeperJ/AKJ I am a little concerned, I normally see my T every 2 weeks, she cancelled all her appts for the week last week and the week before that due to family issues. Assuming my next appt on the 30th is not cancelled it will be a month since I have seen her. And this is the time I need her most.

If she cancels again I am going to be concerned she is not coming back. Considering how long and how hard it took to develop a trust with her, starting over will set me back big time, and it may setoff a crisis. Especially if someone new does not work out. That will fall into the situation uncertainty that usually ends in hospitalization.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

I will be hoping that your T will be back soon! Family issues can take up a lot of time...hopefully she's not sick herself. I know it would be hard for me to go that long without seeing my T! Breaking in someone new is really difficult, too. I hate having to go through all the trauma, tears, and trying to remember the steps I have taken forward. It kind of gets all muddled together. I think that predictability is super important to your self-care.

I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!:hug:

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

@recoveringfromptsd
I may have pisses Anthony off and wouldn't be surprised if I get banned. Although we have a "right" to voice our opinion, I am not sure that I will not be
"punished." Hopefully not.

I hope that you are posting in the
"proper" place. I would hate to see you
"spoken" to in a rude and inconsiderate way!

AKJ

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

@AngelkeeperJ/AKJ I have never seen anyone banned for voicing there opinion here, and your not the first who has made that statement to me about getting banned for voicing.

As to posting in the proper place, well this is a place where we all interact and support each other, and this thread has continued from its inception when my sister died.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

LTHANK YOU for your words
I am off to bed...my eyeballs are rolling.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

@recoveringfromptsd :hug:
You have been in my thoughts and prayers, hoping that your T is back on Friday, and that you can continue your EMDR therapy when you are ready. I know it's hard to go for a long period between sessions, but hopefully you will be able to jump right back in.

My mom gets back from her vacation tonight, and I am actually ready for her. It gets pretty quiet and lonely here without her. Our dog misses her dreadfully! He will be SO happy when he sees her tonight when we pick her and my aunt up at the airport. I have put him in doggie daycare a few times so he can play and not be moping around looking for her. This is the first time she has been the one who is gone. It's usually me. Plus, it's too hot to let him wait for me in the car when I have to run errands. He can't be left at home because he has separation anxiety. He sure fits in around here! :geek:

Have a good day! I hope you check in soon, I get concerned if I don't see you here for a few days. I've been keeping busy, and trying to stay off of my rear end...;)