General Worries about my sister's future and homelessness

[strongshadow96]

Hello everybody this is my first post but I'm very familiar with this website. Love it, it's fantastic.

Last week my 27 year old sister was 5150'd. She had a psychotic break resulting from the realization that she was molested as a teenager. It's been a long battle trying to get her help. It was a miracle that she was 5150'd last week. She now is ready to be released and my mother is refusing to let her come back home. My family believes that she needs to find a place to live, get a job, and work on getting herself healthy.

This is the most lucid she has been in like a year and the 5150 was only a temporary fix, a means to long term care. I'm infuriated with my family for turning their backs on her and letting her figure it out on her own. If I could I would house her myself, but I unfortunately cannot. I don't live in the same area anymore.

I don't know what to do. It's unfathomable to me that my family could be so ignorant to the situation. I'm very concerned that my sister will end up homeless. She can't keep a job, she's only been lucid for a WEEK. It's so disgusting and frustrating that my family doesn't get how extreme this situation is. God help me, please.

 

[Sideways]

You’re in a different part of the world to me, but if it helps at all?

Hospital is a great place to be if you’re homeless. Especially for women (certainly here), they don’t like discharging lucid psych patients to the street if the patient had housing on admission. Housing services very often get paid more for helping folks in crisis, which you qualify for if you become homeless in hospital.

And accessibility to social resources generally (employment, disability support, housing, and cheap health care are the big ones) tend to have a bit of an orbit around those spaces. Getting help from a social worker (usually on hospital staff) while you’re in hospital opens a lot more doors than accessing the same help as an outpatient.

For the family and friends of people living with mental illness, there’s often a breaking point. And you usually only know where that is once they’ve reached it. Getting support for themselves will increase the chance they’ll go on supporting your sister. So encourage them to do that.

All the pretty words aside? Been exactly where you are. It hurt a lot to watch. I am now living with that same sister (unfortunately - it is what it is), in large part through sheer guilt. Your sister cam get through this. Let her know you care, and encourage her to persist with the supports around her.

 

[Movingforward10]

It hurts a lot when family can't/won't do what is needed to support another family member. Been there many times over.
You can't fix that. You can't make them. And you can't protect your sister from the fact either. And you can't save her.
All really hard facts to accept.


Like @Sideways says, is there any housing and out patient support she can get?

 

[strongshadow96]

You’re in a different part of the world to me, but if it helps at all?

Hospital is a great place to be if you’re homeless. Especially for women (certainly here), they don’t like discharging lucid psych patients to the street if the patient had housing on admission. Housing services very often get paid more for helping folks in crisis, which you qualify for if you become homeless in hospital.

And accessibility to social resources generally (employment, disability support, housing, and cheap health care are the big ones) tend to have a bit of an orbit around those spaces. Getting help from a social worker (usually on hospital staff) while you’re in hospital opens a lot more doors than accessing the same help as an outpatient.

For the family and friends of people living with mental illness, there’s often a breaking point. And you usually only know where that is once they’ve reached it. Getting support for themselves will increase the chance they’ll go on supporting your sister. So encourage them to do that.

All the pretty words aside? Been exactly where you are. It hurt a lot to watch. I am now living with that same sister (unfortunately - it is what it is), in large part through sheer guilt. Your sister cam get through this. Let her know you care, and encourage her to persist with the supports around her.

It's devastating to watch, she's barely functional. She messaged me yesterday about how she saw a pedophile inside the hospital. She is very unstable and my family won't work on themselves. I've been trying but they are very lost. My biggest fear is that my sister will die. She should not be alone.

It hurts a lot when family can't/won't do what is needed to support another family member. Been there many times over.
You can't fix that. You can't make them. And you can't protect your sister from the fact either. And you can't save her.
All really hard facts to accept.


Like @Sideways says, is there any housing and out patient support she can get?

Where you said I can't save her definitely hit home for me. I wish I had the means to house her. She's a very difficult person to be around, but she desperately needs help. She's truly not in a good state of mind. My biggest fear is that she will die.

I'm not sure what housing is available to her. The chances are very low she'll be able to find and keep a place. They recommended therapy for Outpatient care. She wants to see her old therapist, but my sister manipulated this therapist and this therapist has crossed some professional lines. She treats my sister like a friend and not a patient. My sister needs full time care. I hope we can get her there.

 

[LeiaFlower]

Where you said I can't save her definitely hit home for me. I wish I had the means to house her. She's a very difficult person to be around, but she desperately needs help. She's truly not in a good state of mind. My biggest fear is that she will die.

I'm not sure what housing is available to her. The chances are very low she'll be able to find and keep a place. They recommended therapy for Outpatient care. She wants to see her old therapist, but my sister manipulated this therapist and this therapist has crossed some professional lines. She treats my sister like a friend and not a patient. My sister needs full time care. I hope we can get her there.

I wish I could add more to the conversation besides the fact that I understand what you mean about wanting to save your sibling. And if you don’t save them then something bad will happen and it will eventually lead to blaming oneself It’s hard when we’re barely in recovery ourselves but we see someone we care about struggling and we want to save them. Though like as others mentioned, the best help you can provider her is helping her learn to take care of herself. First step is housing, then an intense outpatient program for what she’s dealing with. I’m not sure if she has Borderline Personality Disorder or Bipolar Disorder but if she does maybe helping her find a support group for that. Then maybe the last step is her finding a new therapist that specializes in what she has and has dealt with enough to not cross boundaries.

 

[Friday]

What to do?

Keep fighting.

Be you.

 

[EveHarrington]

I am guessing you are just looking for emotional support here?

I am not trying to be rude, but “help” varies widely from state to state, so without this info, nobody can give you any sort of concrete advice on how to get her help other than “call around”.

For now she is in the best place to get help. Make sure the hospital KNOWS she will be homeless upon release. DEMAND to speak to the hospital social worker. They usually have the most knowledge about how to help her. Once she’s released, it’s almost certainly going to be harder to get her help as there are waiting lists, etc. This is the most advice we can offer without a more specific location (but I understand why you wouldn’t want to share this.)

 

[strongshadow96]

I wish I could add more to the conversation besides the fact that I understand what you mean about wanting to save your sibling. And if you don’t save them then something bad will happen and it will eventually lead to blaming oneself It’s hard when we’re barely in recovery ourselves but we see someone we care about struggling and we want to save them. Though like as others mentioned, the best help you can provider her is helping her learn to take care of herself. First step is housing, then an intense outpatient program for what she’s dealing with. I’m not sure if she has Borderline Personality Disorder or Bipolar Disorder but if she does maybe helping her find a support group for that. Then maybe the last step is her finding a new therapist that specializes in what she has and has dealt with enough to not cross boundaries.

They gave her a diagnosis of bipolar but we believe she is borderline. My mother is borderline and they behave very similarly. Go figure. My sister is in denial and doesn't see she has a problem. I don't even think she knows she just came out of psychosis. She refuses the help we suggest. She only wants to do it her way, nothing else will suffice.

It's a relief to talk to people who can see what I see. Sometimes I feel like I'm the crazy one when going against 3 other people. So much for a united front.

I am guessing you are just looking for emotional support here?

I am not trying to be rude, but “help” varies widely from state to state, so without this info, nobody can give you any sort of concrete advice on how to get her help other than “call around”.

For now she is in the best place to get help. Make sure the hospital KNOWS she will be homeless upon release. DEMAND to speak to the hospital social worker. They usually have the most knowledge about how to help her. Once she’s released, it’s almost certainly going to be harder to get her help as there are waiting lists, etc. This is the most advice we can offer without a more specific location (but I understand why you wouldn’t want to share this.)

I guess I am looking for emotional support. A place to vent and talk with people who have experienced something like this before.

I did learn some things from you in terms of how to ask for help. Unfortunately she has been released from the hospital and is living in a hotel. At least my family paid for her to be there until Wednesday, but they expect her to figure it out after that.

 

[LeiaFlower]

They gave her a diagnosis of bipolar but we believe she is borderline. My mother is borderline and they behave very similarly. Go figure. My sister is in denial and doesn't see she has a problem. I don't even think she knows she just came out of psychosis. She refuses the help we suggest. She only wants to do it her way, nothing else will suffice.

It's a relief to talk to people who can see what I see. Sometimes I feel like I'm the crazy one when going against 3 other people. So much for a united front.

Yeah, I have a sibling who was first diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder but later diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder instead. There are three subtypes for Borderline, and the difference between Borderline and Bipolar is that Borderline, not always, has a connection to trauma. Even if her trauma was repressed or unprocessed her body and other parts of her mind remembered then formed coping mechanisms to try to protect her that being symptoms of BPD.

You’re definitely not alone. I’m sure the majority of the people here can connect to some part of what you’re going through.

It’ll take some time for her to adjust to a diagnosis such as BPD and Bipolar Disorder. Unfortunately due to the media and others perception of it, it usually have negative connotations. Maybe she doesn’t want others to see her negatively or even like her mom.

Is she refusing the housing situation, outpatient program, and/or the suggestion for a new therapist?

 

[strongshadow96]

Yeah, I have a sibling who was first diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder but later diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder instead. There are three subtypes for Borderline, and the difference between Borderline and Bipolar is that Borderline, not always, has a connection to trauma. Even if her trauma was repressed or unprocessed her body and other parts of her mind remembered then formed coping mechanisms to try to protect her that being symptoms of BPD.

You’re definitely not alone. I’m sure the majority of the people here can connect to some part of what you’re going through.

It’ll take some time for her to adjust to a diagnosis such as BPD and Bipolar Disorder. Unfortunately due to the media and others perception of it, it usually have negative connotations. Maybe she doesn’t want others to see her negatively or even like her mom.

Is she refusing the housing situation, outpatient program, and/or the suggestion for a new therapist

People with BPD can be extremely difficult to be around/deal with. What is your relationship like with your sister? Do you have many boundaries with her?

She is open to more treatment. She's currently doing some kind of outpatient program provided by the hospital she was released from. I don't know much about it though. She only wants to see her therapist, and I've been trying to convince my family that completely banning her from a therapist she feels safe with is counter productive. She was living with my mom before she got 5150'd and my mom is refusing to let her come back. She was taken to the hospital and then my mom and sister moved her stuff out of the house. I'm trying to convince them to let her come back home, otherwise she's living in a hotel until all her money is gone and she's homeless.

 

[LeiaFlower]

People with BPD can be extremely difficult to be around/deal with.

It depends on the subtype though anyone with any mental disorder or even just due to their personality can be difficult. Not necessarily all people with BPD.

What is your relationship like with your sister? Do you have many boundaries with her?

The only boundary I have with my sister is talking about religion since I have religious trauma. Other than that she’s my main supporter. She’s very loving and puts an emphasis on improving her relationships with those around her. Of course she still has certain things that needs to be worked on but she definitely came a long way.

She is open to more treatment. She's currently doing some kind of outpatient program provided by the hospital she was released from. I don't know much about it though. She only wants to see her therapist, and I've been trying to convince my family that completely banning her from a therapist she feels safe with is counter productive. She was living with my mom before she got 5150'd and my mom is refusing to let her come back. She was taken to the hospital and then my mom and sister moved her stuff out of the house. I'm trying to convince them to let her come back home, otherwise she's living in a hotel until all her money is gone and she's homeless.

Yeah, as sideways mentioned sometimes families have a breaking point. Dealing with people with any mental disorder can be a lot. I’m not sure how long you’ve been gone from the home your sisters and mom live in but a lot can change. Personalities clash. The only thing to do is to plan for the future

 

[strongshadow96]

Yeah, as sideways mentioned sometimes families have a breaking point. Dealing with people with any mental disorder can be a lot. I’m not sure how long you’ve been gone from the home your sisters and mom live in but a lot can change. Personalities clash. The only thing to do is to plan for the future.

Yeah I know my family has reached a breaking point and I get it this situation hasn't been easy. My sister certainly doesn't make it easy, she can be really abusive. But I also know she's struggling and isn't mentally well. I am more functional than her and that's an important distinction to me. I'm trying to plan for the future and as things are now her future is being homeless. That is preventable.