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My Spouse's Suicide - New To The World Of Ptsd.
- Post starter Kooksmom
- Start date
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Recovery4Me
VIP Member
(((Kooksmom)))
Any words offered by me will pale next to what you must need or feel at this time. I am so sorry for your pain.
Please consider, that with such sadness & tragic loss that (along with this site), you deserve face to face community and massive support. Be gentle, kind to your heart and mind: actively seek everything or every professional service available to you.
Prayers offered only if you accept them but with my full respect for what you are facing and for your beliefs.
Any words offered by me will pale next to what you must need or feel at this time. I am so sorry for your pain.
Please consider, that with such sadness & tragic loss that (along with this site), you deserve face to face community and massive support. Be gentle, kind to your heart and mind: actively seek everything or every professional service available to you.
Prayers offered only if you accept them but with my full respect for what you are facing and for your beliefs.
I can't begin to imagine the pain you are experiencing now. You are amazing just to be able to come here and express yourself so clearly. I so hope you have good support - who do you have you can turn to?
My own experience is that grief for a sudden loss of someone close turns your head inside out, and you cycle between wildly changing and unpredictable feelings and responses, and no feeling at all. Sometimes no ability to move or function at all, and you wonder how your body can go on breathing, digesting and circulating.
All that, and the jumpiness you describe, are a part of everyones experience of grief. You are meant to feel as though your whole world is falling apart, because your whole world has been ripped apart. It hurts and in goes on hurting for a long time, but it gradually diminishes and that is all normal. Right now is way too early to worry about PTSD. If you want to do what you can to ward it off, again the most important thing is to ask for and accept loving help. Most people who experience a trauma, as you have, don't go on to develop PTSD, because they are naturally resilient. I think the strength you have shown in being able to come here and ask suggests that you will be as well.
My own experience is that grief for a sudden loss of someone close turns your head inside out, and you cycle between wildly changing and unpredictable feelings and responses, and no feeling at all. Sometimes no ability to move or function at all, and you wonder how your body can go on breathing, digesting and circulating.
All that, and the jumpiness you describe, are a part of everyones experience of grief. You are meant to feel as though your whole world is falling apart, because your whole world has been ripped apart. It hurts and in goes on hurting for a long time, but it gradually diminishes and that is all normal. Right now is way too early to worry about PTSD. If you want to do what you can to ward it off, again the most important thing is to ask for and accept loving help. Most people who experience a trauma, as you have, don't go on to develop PTSD, because they are naturally resilient. I think the strength you have shown in being able to come here and ask suggests that you will be as well.
First of all, I am so sorry for your loss, and the fact that your husband felt the need to kill himself. I wish he had sent the note to someone else, you did not need to see him like that.
The good news is; just because you saw that does not mean you will have PTSD. Have you been diagnoised with it? If so, or if not, go ahead and see a grief counsellor, and if needed, a therapist. They can help you work through the issues.
Secondly: embrace your family and friends. They are your support network, and if you let them, they will help you deal with all of this.
Thirdly: Find a support group for people who have lost a loved one to suicide.
Lastly: Dear lady I do not know the cirumstances surrounding your husband's suicide, but in the end it was his discision, and he is responsible for his actions. If you are second guessing yourself asking what if? Then don't. Most likely anything you tried would not have changed his mind, or alltered the outcome.
We, the members of this forum, are here for you, as much as an internet group can be, and most certainly, we will be here to support you, and grieve with you.
The good news is; just because you saw that does not mean you will have PTSD. Have you been diagnoised with it? If so, or if not, go ahead and see a grief counsellor, and if needed, a therapist. They can help you work through the issues.
Secondly: embrace your family and friends. They are your support network, and if you let them, they will help you deal with all of this.
Thirdly: Find a support group for people who have lost a loved one to suicide.
Lastly: Dear lady I do not know the cirumstances surrounding your husband's suicide, but in the end it was his discision, and he is responsible for his actions. If you are second guessing yourself asking what if? Then don't. Most likely anything you tried would not have changed his mind, or alltered the outcome.
We, the members of this forum, are here for you, as much as an internet group can be, and most certainly, we will be here to support you, and grieve with you.
rightkindofme
Diamond Member
There are many good books on coping with suicide. If you want, I can give you a list of what is on my bedside. I have read most of them commercially available. I have Opinions about them.
I'm very sorry for your loss. I won't tell you for sure that things will get better. I've lived through a lot of suicides in my family. I think it will always hurt. I will always miss them. It has gotten easier to bear over time. I wish I had more concrete hope.
Find a good therapist. Hecka important. Just because your partner lost the thread of life that means you have to be few woven into the weft of life. You still matter.[DOUBLEPOST=1404302838][/DOUBLEPOST]Ignore "few" tried to delete it and failed. Darn iPad.
I'm very sorry for your loss. I won't tell you for sure that things will get better. I've lived through a lot of suicides in my family. I think it will always hurt. I will always miss them. It has gotten easier to bear over time. I wish I had more concrete hope.
Find a good therapist. Hecka important. Just because your partner lost the thread of life that means you have to be few woven into the weft of life. You still matter.[DOUBLEPOST=1404302838][/DOUBLEPOST]Ignore "few" tried to delete it and failed. Darn iPad.
Springer80
Diamond Member
I think you need to be with other people who have gone through this. I'd take yourself to your doctor and say you need help finding a support group for spouses/widow's bereaved by suicide and a grief counsellor.
This must be and will be incredibly hard. Take it easy on your self, no one is superhuman especially in circumstances such as yours.
This must be and will be incredibly hard. Take it easy on your self, no one is superhuman especially in circumstances such as yours.
- Post starter
- #8
Justmehere
Sponsor
I am so deeply sorry for your loss and pain. 2 years ago, I lost a roommate to suicide. I had to help clean up the blood when the police finally let us back into the house. 4 years ago, I survived my own suicide attempt.
I'm going to tell you what I have learned along the way.
It was NOT your fault. Period. It just wasn't. You could not have stopped this or saved him. There was nothing I could have done to save my roommate. He made his choice. When I tried to take my own life, it was because my pain overwhelmed me, and it was my choice. No one could have saved me unless I reached out and got the professional help I needed for myself.
It's ok to be mad, sad, confused or feel any way that you do. Even to feel these feelings towards him.
Talking about it the loss of a loved one with safer people is very important. You have already taken a great step reaching out here. Suicide is way too taboo and leaves a lot of complex feelings and deep pain for the people who lose someone to suicide. I very much agree with the recommendations of finding a counselor and/or grief support group.
Lastly - It will get better. The pain you are in now will not always be like this. It for sure gets better.
My heart goes out to you.
I'm going to tell you what I have learned along the way.
It was NOT your fault. Period. It just wasn't. You could not have stopped this or saved him. There was nothing I could have done to save my roommate. He made his choice. When I tried to take my own life, it was because my pain overwhelmed me, and it was my choice. No one could have saved me unless I reached out and got the professional help I needed for myself.
It's ok to be mad, sad, confused or feel any way that you do. Even to feel these feelings towards him.
Talking about it the loss of a loved one with safer people is very important. You have already taken a great step reaching out here. Suicide is way too taboo and leaves a lot of complex feelings and deep pain for the people who lose someone to suicide. I very much agree with the recommendations of finding a counselor and/or grief support group.
Lastly - It will get better. The pain you are in now will not always be like this. It for sure gets better.
My heart goes out to you.
Recovery4Me
VIP Member
(((Kooksmom))) these quotes are some of the most valuable words ever offered from a member who heartfelt shared.
You need to repeat to yourself, every day within your journey of healing these sentences: more if you doubt them...until you believe.
Tears, hugs and more prayers each step you take.
- Post starter
- #11
I was awful to him the night before and the day of. I said very hurtful things because I was mad when I used his computer and found some things. He would not have done it if I would have never found that stuff. My question is, did he leave it to be found, or was it an accident??[DOUBLEPOST=1404356245,1404356034][/DOUBLEPOST]He was a good man, and I feel like living with me may have broken him.
rightkindofme
Diamond Member
I will do the list of books tomorrow.
Please don't blame yourself. Suicide doesn't work that way. He didn't commit suicide because of anyone. He killed himself because he couldn't see another way of solving his situation/pain. That is not your fault at all. It can't be. Suicide is always about the coping reserves of the person who goes and it is not a statement about the survivors.
My father left a suicide note saying it was my fault he was dying. That doesn't make it true. He died because of his choices, not because of me.
It is very hard to live with anyway.
But it isn't your fault. It can't possibly be.
Please don't blame yourself. Suicide doesn't work that way. He didn't commit suicide because of anyone. He killed himself because he couldn't see another way of solving his situation/pain. That is not your fault at all. It can't be. Suicide is always about the coping reserves of the person who goes and it is not a statement about the survivors.
My father left a suicide note saying it was my fault he was dying. That doesn't make it true. He died because of his choices, not because of me.
It is very hard to live with anyway.
But it isn't your fault. It can't possibly be.
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