Relationship My Supporter

[Deleted member 28740]

I see it as lying when you say you are great, when it is not true

Disagree, with qualifier.

When both are depleted, I don't agree that sparing someone the difference between saying I'm ok, not a great day (even if "horrible") is lying. Moving SUCKS. Being sick SUCKS. Both phases will pass. Not a lack of honesty in the relationship, just bearing as best you can under the circumstances.

 

[Born to Run]

I need to buy icecream and smile for 5 minutes.

I am so sorry I did not mean to upset you even more. I wish I could help you out where you are. I hope you got that ice-cream :-) Sending you strength for today :hug:

 

[katz]

I wasn't sure where to post this because it is ABOUT my supporter. I am a sufferer.

My supporter ha...

I'm sorry that your going thru this. I had a similar thing happen to me. My husband had back surgery, so he was out of the picture for close to a year. I was working 10 hour days, then coming home to run the house too. Cooking , cleaning, bills. It can be very overwhelming. I was angry at him for being sick and needing this surgery. I know that he feels better now, but it feels like it is still going on--like he got used to it and now expects it. I tend to just shut down when I'm angry. Then he gets angry at me for not talking to him.
I think that you might try writing him a letter. You can read it to him if you want too. Or, you could just put it away. What ever will help you. I know that just getting it out of your system will help you feel more relaxed. I have found that by writing things down, it makes me feel that the feelings are validated. They are very real and that it is okay to have them. I have wrote letters to my husband and family, as well as friends that hurt me. I have not shared them, but feel much better just knowing that the thoughts are out of me, and telling me that they are real and that I am just as important as anyone else.

I have gone back and reread these letters, years later. It comforts me to know and confirm that I had these feelings. It shows me how much I hurt back then, and yet, I'm still here. It also makes me want to continue writing. Most of my memories are from so long ago, that I sometimes doubt they even happened. By rereading these notes and letters, I can show myself that the emotions and memories were real. They reconfirm to myself that I am a survivor.

I know that the move will be difficult for you. Just remember to forgive yourself. You're only human. Everyone has their own breaking point. So, go ahead, stop, and do something nice for yourself. You can even stop and have that ice cream! Try to have chocolate--I find it does the job very, very well !! LOL

 

[queen]

Honestly, as a supporter, I'd much rather have an honest answer than anything else, including sugar-coating your feelings to try and avoid any drama. When my sufferer opens up (about anything, literally ANYTHING), I feel so much better because he's such tough nut to crack and I'm horrible and mind reading. That goes double for when I'm feeling depleted, because I'm less able to figure out what's going on with him than usual.

 

[Milo's papa]

I wasn't sure where to post this because it is ABOUT my supporter. I am a sufferer.

My supporter ha...

shimmerz, from a supporter's point of view, I really do want honesty from my wife. If she has had a particularly bad day, (which she does almost every day) I NEED to know these things. I can't support her if I don't know what she's going through. It isn't good when she hides these things from me.
It's ok for you to say that you're day was sh**, but that he doesn't have to worry about it.It's also ok to tell him what made your day go the way it did but that you made it through the day and hopefully tomorrow will be better. I find that I worry a lot less about abut my wife while I'm at work knowing that if things do go wrong she'll be open and honest about it when I get home. And she knows that if her day is really bad, she can call me home from work. Her care is the most important thing to me.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

My husband was my supporter for a very long time before he was diagnosed with Parkinsons and Lewy Body Dementia. I became his supporter and it was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. He only lived for three years after his diagnosis and he was so miserable. My anxiety was through the roof and my hands used to shake when I was writing checks for the bills among other things.

It is very hard to lose a supporter to sickness and have to become the supporter. I leaned so many things while taking care of him and when he died I was a basket case for a full year recovering from caregivers burnout.

I can relate. I wish you the very best in this solutions you will find.