My T Thinks Therapy Is Making Me Worse

[Kefira]

You'll work through it. It really sucks though. I think the decision for me came from the fact that even if we managed to patch things up I felt like I would have lingering mistrust, as I felt really betrayed. I'm not sure where you're at on that. But I also feel like if he didn't have any solid reasoning or suggestions you have to be prepared for this occurring again unless you can really get it worked out with him so you both understand it and there are no misunderstandings. Just my thought.

I think it's just really hard. I normally withhold a lot and slowly disclose, which means sometimes Ts think I'm getting worse, instead of realizing I'm just opening up more. With my current T I really tried to make it clear how much of a basket case I am from the beginning so there weren't any surprises, but I find it hard to work with him because I forced myself to trust him. Even though he hasn't done anything to show I shouldn't. There should be guide books on etiquette and Therapist-client interaction. I don't seem to have it figured out.

 

[Jane.l]

@intothelight thank you - I like your way of breaking it down into questions.

It's the difficulty I have with my trust and abandonment issues that he thinks is causing me a lot of upset - I guess it's true if you don't have anyone to trust you can't be left or betrayed - we come back to issues similar to this a lot and we seem to have a lot of difficulty getting the relationship to work for both of us.

We haven't done any actual trauma work for a while because either our relationship is messed up or I am feeling suicidal or he is away - we don't seem to be making much ground .

He is right in that I think we do need to reset things but we seem to be doing that every other week and it always comes back to - I need reassurance to be able to do trauma work and he is incredibly inconsistent in if he provides that or not - if he doesn't I find it really hard - it probably is me and not him - I hate the whole thing - why is everything so painful I just want it to stop

 

[Jane.l]

@Kefira I like your idea of being a basket case from the start.

I am thinking i might make an assessment appointment with a clinical psychologist just to get some one else's take on where I am at - I have been wondering if I have some bi polar or bpd traits going on - (something else my T seems to want to ignore ) maybe that would help me see where to go from here

 

[greenleaf]

Hi @Jane.l -- I really like your idea of making the assessment appointment with the clinical T!! How about also researching your area's Ts and finding one who seems to specialize in trauma and your issues, as you understand them? There are threads here about finding a good trauma T.

You don't have to terminate with your current T while you are thinking about the new one, too. You can likely ask for initial session(s) with other Ts who seem possibly good while still talking to the old T. If your insurance has limits on this, maybe Ts will give a free initial session?

Analogy... If you are currently in a leaky boat with this current T, you can actually find a good boat, pull it up alongside yourself, test it out to see if it feels stable, and then climb in when you feel ready. You don't have to jump in the pretty scary dark water by yourself at all.

I used a website in which Ts write a short blurb about their philosophy, specialties, experience, etc. and I found I could get a sense of some; it really helped. Here is a UK one:

Link Removed

I just went through this process last summer, it was very hard but now I'm making much more progress in a few months than I did in years with the old one, in some crucial areas for me.

 

[Lucycat]

I have been wondering if I have some bi polar or bpd traits going on - (something else my T seems to want to ignore )

My T and psychiatrist are not keen on labels. I was told I have Complex PTSD as I needed to write something for the police, but that is as far as it goes. My team don't favour the notion of personality disorders and are inclined to think that it is all wrapped up in the trauma diagnosis. I was told if I lived elsewhere I might be considered BPD - but they don't feel it helpful. The trauma therapy is exactly the same - in my case EMDR/Brainspotting. The depression or bipolar diagnosis can also be completely 'covered' within a diagnosis of (C)PTSD so is not a necessary extra to carry. If you have depression then it needs treating, but it does not have to have a separate diagnosis.

I am only able to speak from the perspective of my own team, and it saddens me that your T has not had such frank discussions with you to explain why he does or does not think it important to enlighten you.

 

[Jane.l]

Thank you @greenleaf - I like your analogy - that was a helpful way to look at it, my T was just amazing last year when my marriage broke up on top of everything else - he is really good at dealing with relationship issues but maybe for whatever reason some of what I am experiencing is not his 'thing' - he has really helped with some of the trauma issues too and I think if we can sort out our relationship we could start to get on top of things - but maybe he is not the person to help with that - omg only I would need therapy for my therapy ! I really don't want to go into all the deep and nasty stuff with anyone else but maybe if I had some support in another area maybe I would be stable enough to do more work with my current T

Thanks for the link - I have emailed a Clinical T - to see if thinks an assessment would be useful and he is happy to do it as I am in therapy with other T - don't know if they mind stepping on each other's toes .

 

[digger]

omg only I would need therapy for my therapy ! .

Oh if you only knew how many times I've said/thought/felt that exact thing!! ;)

 

[Jane.l]

@Lucycat thanks for your post- I don't want labels really either - I just want to find a way to get more stable so I can do some trauma work - I am having major mood changes - I have no idea what I want - I flick from one way of thinking to a completely different one - I am unable to make any decisions because I change so much - I am incredibly impulsive at times and I find it hard to live with the consequences of that - it's making me very suicidal and I just thought if I knew where it was coming from I might be able to 'fix' it ?

 

[Lucycat]

just thought if I knew where it was coming from I might be able to 'fix' it ?

I would suggest you do know where it is coming from - your trauma. Yep - I get the mood swings, unpredictable, impulsive, self destructive thoughts, feelings and behaviour. Suicidal ideas that spring out from nowhere. T has suggested that when I'm in a bad way I 'disconnect'. All of that is stuff we are working on - and I am getting better at dealing with it. I can see the warning signs. I know when I am acting out - but can't control it. But he would still say - it is all part and parcel of the effects of trauma.

 

[scout86]

I'm glad to hear you've taken action to work through this.

If I might be forgiven one more "horse training analogy"......

If I'm working with a horse, and we stop making progress, and maybe even things get worse, there are several possibilities. Sometimes it's just a plateau and you move through it fine, in time. It can be frustrating, but it passes. I normally recognize that that is what's happening. Sometimes, there really is a problem. BUT, if there's a problem, the problem is with ME, not the horse. The horse is perfect as is, we are just working on learning new and better stuff. If he's not learning, it's because I'm not teaching well enough. There can be lots of reasons for that. Possible solutions are 1) I learn to be a better teacher (usually my personal first choice, because that's the way I am). 2) Find another teacher/trainer that can do the stuff that needs doing. 3) You can always give up and/or blame the horse, but I find that to be a totally unacceptable option.

In this case, what ever is going on, it is NOT because you're a "bad client". He's the therapist. If "therapy is making you worse" it's because something is wrong with "therapy" not because something is wrong with you. (Ok, in a sense something is wrong, or you wouldn't be IN therapy.) But there's no way therapy, handled well, should make anyone worse. If you weren't putting any effort into it yourself (and I'm sure you are) then "nothing" would happen, you don't get worse.

 

[greenleaf]

In this case, what ever is going on, it is NOT because you're a "bad client". He's the therapist. If "therapy is making you worse" it's because something is wrong with "therapy" not because something is wrong with you.

Great post, @scout86 . So many people have had this thrown at them.

 

[Jane.l]

Thanks @scout - very tempted to send your post to my T ;) - wonder what he'd make of that !