My Therapist Got Emotional

[Jade-]

During my last session, after I had talked about some major things, my T acted all emotional and almost looked like he was going to cry.

This made me very uncomfortable. I realize he's human. I realize the things I was telling him were pretty horrible. I don't want him to act all cold and uncaring, yet I don't want him to actually care either.

It made me feel like I am wrong in telling him these horrible things. It makes me feel like I'm somehow corrupting him or something. He's such a nice guy, too nice for me to go into such graphic details with.

Has anyone else experienced their T showing their emotions during a session? If so, how did it make you feel? And did you talk to them about it?

 

[Jade-]

Just wanted to add that I really like my T and I'm slowly starting to trust him. I don't want to stop going to him or anything, I just don't want him to be a "normal" person. I just want him to do the job that I'm paying him to do.

 

[kers]

You say you "don't want him to actually care, either"--why not? Exploring that might be useful.

The wonderful thing abut therapists is that they are there to hear all the awful and disgusting things. They have the training to be affected by it during your session, and then to put it away until they need to think about you again. Your therapist will not be haunted by what you tell him, not the same way you yourself are haunted.

I don't know if this applies to you, but sometimes I think my therapist has to show his emotions in a fairly exaggerated way for me to understand them, since I am so numbed out. For example, when I talk about something really sad, he sometimes looks devastated. It helps me figure out how to pick up emotions in other people, and how to manifest them myself, as opposed to my normal stoic face.

It might be helpful to ask him what he feels when you tell him this information. His answer might make you more comfortable with understanding what's going on between the two of you.

 

[Artista]

Hmmm.. I see your point! The only reason I can communicate as well as I can with my therapist is because she is not in my personal life and I don't have to worry about taking care of her and her feelings as I have most of my life of others!! If she were to cry, it would be detrimental to me. It would mean I would hold back. I have a hard time so as it is to let it out to her or anyone, but knowing she is unbiased and steady emotionally, makes me safe to do so. I see genuine concern in my therapists face... empathy but not pity or sadness. She is in control for sure.

You are right he's human, and maybe it struck something personal he was unprepared for. You may want to discuss your concerns. Just to be sure it was a one time thing. Hard to want to work on a new patient/T relationship of all else is going well. I worry all the time I may not be able to afford going to this amazing woman I have now and have to go elsewhere. THAT would be a mess for me.

 

[gdf]

Hi Jade,

I kind of get where you are coming from on this. You don't want tons of emotions because then it doesn't seem therapeutic. My first significant therapist would show emotion but in all the time she never cried. I felt supported and that she was a source of guidance in the chaos. The second significant T was a man and he showed more emotion and sympathy but then never followed through and kept wanting to hug me and touch me which I felt was too familiar but this was in general a very bad experience as he seemed to get caught up in every facet of my life but the trauma. The new T is much like the first--more solid emotionally, feels more secure and predictable. I too am uncomfortable with the too friendly, too emotional approach.She is a woman. I am wondering if it has anything to do with gender? Perhaps women are better at handling the really nasty, gory, messy stuff that accompanies PTSD? Just pondering...

I think about the almost two years I spent with the T where I made no progress and often thought "Why don't you do your job and do EMDR and CBT and everything you can do to get me through this so I can move on?"

Gina

 

[Tessa]

My therapists have showed emotion sometimes. It made me feel less like a rat being studied for behaviour and more like 2 human beings trying to communicate. Hope it sorts out for you.

Take care
Tessa

 

[Jade-]

kers...why don't I want him to care? Because that just seems too personal to me. Plus he will just end up being disappointed by caring. I think I will ask him what he feels when I tell him stuff. Maybe I just took it the wrong way. I know if somebody told me the things that I told him, I would have a hard time hiding my emotions. But since it's me, I guess I don't feel "worthy" of it ????? I don't know really.

Artista....I'm glad you see my point and understand where I'm coming from. My T is usually in control, I was just kind of shocked by it and uncomfortable.

gdf...My T is pretty awesome and I wouldn't want to have to start over with someone new. I don't think I would do well with a female T. I wouldn't feel believed or that she was truly there to help me.

 

[Lauren]

We chatted about this alot last night Jade, but still wanted to comment. The main thing is to talk about it with him. It will be educational for both of you and you will work it out. IDK Gina, my therapist is a male and he always stays emotionally stable. He shows surprise at some of my comments when he wants me to know that I am believing a lie and shows humor. He has always been very level, so have my other 2 T's who are both male as well. I think it just depends on the T. I agree with Artista that something may have struck him personally that caused the emotion to seep through. IDK I have a major problem with strong feelings even if it is someone else showing them so for me it's better that my T is level emotionally. At least for now LOL! Maybe others need their T to show emotion to model it like Ker said. And I definitely agree with you Ker that a therapist who has worked thru his/her "stuff" and is well trained will be able to leave the emotions at work, not letting them affect their personal life.

And imho NO therapist should be touching and hugging a client all the time. That is crossing boundaries.

 

[cat]

Jadebear - I understand how you feel about not wanting your T to care, for me my self esteem is so low that I find it very hard to accept people who do.

I was like others here quite shocked when my T first showed emotion about my traumas but she did go on to explain how it made her feel. From the age of 3, I learnt to keep my feelings to myself & emotionally I am very numb, what she was doing was showing me that it was okay to experience emotions without the ensuing panic that I always experience.

Actually by showing me how she felt validated all I was telling to her & has helped me a great deal in trusting her. For the first time in my life someone was willing to listen & validate me as a person, that has been extremely important in helping me to recover.

Please don't feel you cant tell your T all the horrible experiences you've had, although human they are trained in how to deal with their own emotions & most have regular counselling supervision themselves.

Therapy takes time & cannot be rushed, give your self chance to build a trusting relationship with your T & you will gradually begin to understand the way he reacts to you & your trauma.

Take care

 

[Artista]

You brought up a good point cat and made me think about another reason I don't want to tell others I know... can't face that mirrored pain and hurt they get in their eyes. Yet, if someone shared that with me, I'd feel for them... I just can't feel for me. Clearly when I accept compassion i will finally be getting somewhere with myself!!! So it could be seen as a good thing in certain ways, to acknowledge what another feels as we tell of our pain. Did I just talk in circles, did that make sense???

 

[growingpains]

[lang=sv]This is something that I struggle with as well. Oddly enough or perhaps not--it seems my triggers are emotionally based. So seeing strong emotions in others can be quite upsetting. I shared a little bit of my story with a friend and my friend cried for me and I was upset. I thought why can someone else cry for what has happened to me and I cannot even "feel" it myself? I can try to help or have compassion for almost anyone in the world except myself. A lot of what is written in this thread makes sense to me, so don't feel alone or odd. I mean I do, but when a lot of others who have PTSD write about these similar feelings or reactions it validates it for me that this is just a part of PTSD and I am not crazy. That is a comforting thought. :)[/lang]

 

[Jade-]

I guess another thing that bothered me about my T getting emotional is I know the things I'm telling him are horrible, but when he reacted the way he did, it kind of scared me.

It made me realize that wow, these things really were traumatic. I have tried to rationalize them and minimize them for alot of years. Seeing someone else get emotional over it made it real. Maybe that's what I needed though ?