My Therapist Is Leaving :( I'm Not Okay

[FindingMyself88]

This is probably really weird but today I went out and bought a journal so I can write to my therapist. I've never been able to do written journals before because I have a hard time putting words. Normally I do art journals.

But I thought maybe it would help me get through the next few months if I wrote letters to my therapist although never sending them. Then I can imagine what she would say to me if we talked about what I wrote.

This way if I find it hard to open up to my new T about things- I still have a connection to my old T. I know it won't be the same, but I need to have something.

 

[Justmehere]

That's a great idea!
(I may borrow that idea myself. :))

 

[FindingMyself88]

Go ahead! It has seemed to help today. I've wrote 2 pages front and back.

 

[DharmaGirl]

My therapist of 3 years left this time last year. It was horrible for me. I was retraumatized and really messed up. I wrote to him every day in a journal for months, now it's once a week. I am sorry you had to go through this. My therapist constantly reassured me that he wasn't going anywhere. Then he left. I'm better about him now and I found a therapist I can relate to better. I hope you do too.

When we were in session once, he stood up reached in his pocket and threw a condom on his desk. I was horrified. WTH?? Turned out to be a tea bag of Earl Grey tea. I laughed for a long time about that. When he left, I got him a container of Earl Grey Tea. I love your idea of the parting gift you are giving.

 

[FindingMyself88]

Ok I'm freaking out slightly. I just did some searching about the new T my current one wants me to see. If what I found is right which I believe it is then the new T is the EXACT same age as me!! I know for a fact she went to the same school as me because it says on the website. I don't like this. I don't want someone my age. It just doesn't feel right :(.

 

[DharmaGirl]

Ask for another referral. I had a T that was 5 years younger than me, worked out ok though. I hope they have someone else more to your liking. If not, there are lots of therapists.

 

[FindingMyself88]

It's nothing to do with her experience. It's about what I'm comfortable with. I was bullied by peers my own age. And while I think down the road trying to work through that with someone my age might be good, not right now in this stage of healing.

I'm willing to meet her, but I am going to voice my concerns to my T. She knows me really well and will know if this is something I can work through or not at this time.

If I don't voice my concerns now and just see how it goes- I know myself. I will stick with the new T just because that's what I do. But I won't heal and it won't be therapeutic.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I didn't mean you should do that, sorry if it came out that way. I would be uncomfortable with someone my age who went to the same school as I did.

 

[scout86]

I'm willing to meet her, but I am going to voice my concerns to my T.

That sounds like a smart idea. Age is just a number. The people who bullied you didn't do it because they were your age, they did it because they were bullies. But, this is a real issue that deserves to be dealt with, not swept under the rug to cause more problems down the road. (This sounds like a good reason for T's NOT to have a FB page! LOL) It's fine to be aware of potential issues, but be careful of focusing on reasons things can't work. There's a fine line between being proactive and being determined not to give things a chance. (I can do a GREAT job of convincing myself that something "can't" work and, when I do that, I'm pretty much always right. They call that a "self fulfilling prophecy".)

I'm sorry to hear your current T is moving on! I know the 2 of you have established a good relationship. Those kind of relationships are valuable and should be appreciated. Sometimes it doesn't seem like it, but there are more potential good relationships out there than we think. No two will ever be the same, but they can each have value in their own unique ways. Good luck with the transition!

 

[FindingMyself88]

I didn't mean you should do that, sorry if it came out that way. I would be uncomfortable with someone my age who went to the same school as I did.

You are fine. Just someone last night kept pushing and telling me to do it which only made matters worse.

@scout86 i do agree with you, I do. I definitely think that this is something I need to work through eventually- but I don't think now is the time. Not when much deeper issues are coming up and that would directly conflict with this. The shower issues are coming up because we were not able to finish EMDR on them a few months back due to new memories kept coming up. Now I'm left very open and raw. This is not something I think I could work through with a T my age. I even struggle talking about it to my T that I trust very much.

I'm willing to meet her, but like I said it's something I have to talk to my T about this week. I think I might be more open to it if I had longer to transition and open up. But I have two weeks left with my T and then I'm basically dumped with whoever we choose.

 

[scout86]

but I don't think now is the time.

I can understand that "now" might not be your first choice. If you end up going with this T, it might be that "now" is going to be what works. You ARE going to have to trust her to do the other work. You probably have to work out any issues due to her age in order to trust her. You're willing to give it, and her, a chance. That's all you can do. Either it will work or it won't. I'd say to make sure that both of them understand your concern. I hope this works better than you expect!

 

[CPTSDKV]

I totally understand where you're coming from. My therapist is retiring and I get to see her once a month (if that). Since the news, my progress from yet another life threatening trauma in may was getting better (ptsd wise), but seeing her less and less has had a tremendous effect on me. Stopped going to work 9/21 and decided to go inpatient residential treatment for chronic ptsd and alcoholism. It's so hard to find a good therapist... Then you talk, trust them, and tell them all.... Now I gotta start all over again!? Seriously... How do I do that? Admittance is Wednesday... Hoping for the best.. Don't give up.

So today marks 2 years since my last "trauma"- when I was raped. Weeks ahead of time we schedule...