My Therapist Totally Just Traumatized Me

[Abstract]

I'm just... it's just a bad weekend, that's all

Its a very bad time for you and no wonder. It will settle down. Try to hang in there and do lots of nice things for yourself. You seem to visualisations of what is good soothing so maybe you can do some of that. Visualisations of separateness of your life with your H and your daughter. You can bathe the picture in pure light and put it somewhere really safe and protected.

Maybe you can do more visualisations of the the destruction of the picture too. Even physically burn some paper and imagine it is that.

I am glad your H knows that something is happening for you as he will better understand why you are not yourself. I will agree with Safenow though and say I don't think its necessary to tell your H details of what happened at all! Some people seem to find that helpful but personally I would never want to do it and would not find it helpful.

Keep in mind though that the picture wont affect your H like you as he has not been abused.

What can you do for yourself for the next few days to help you get through this horrible place?

PS. Just saw your last response.

I feel bad telling him.

Please don't feel bad!! As I said before he was not abused and it will not impact him like it did you. I think anything in his mind will only be sympathy for you. You have made nothing worse. Although I have to say that I think her saying this is essential

telling him "how" my

is off.


This will be ok and you and your husband are going to be OK. This will settle. Give yourself some time.

 

[CrazyHorse]

PTSD or no PTSD, abuse or no abuse, NO ONE should or would benefit from taking that image into bed with them!! Good intentions or not, it is simply plain wrong and useless in every aspect!

 

[Abstract]

I've tried to be reasonable and calm about this Leah but I have to say that your therapist has truly got up my nose. If I can't drop it I can only imagine how you feel.

I am starting to feel really doubtful of her qualifications working with trauma. I think if her lack of personal experience enabled a slip then that is one thing but why the ridiculous comments such as you thanking her later. To me that indicates lack of knowledge and training as well as lack of judgement and personal experience as one would hope her training would have kicked in on reading your emails.

Without knowing all the details I am concerned about her pressurising you to share details with your H. Some people do it and find it very helpful but I think things such as that should be hugely influenced by personal choice and that individual person. Maybe there was something specific that she was hoping it would help you with but I just can't see why she has pushed this with you and to a point that makes you feel so unsafe.

I really hope you are not stuck in obsessing about your relationship with your H though as that sounds so good and healthy. Nothing you have done or said will change that.

Its your T I am not sold on.

Really feel for you.

 

[Pencil]

your therapist has truly got up my nose.

am concerned about her pressurising you to share details with your H.

Ditto. Totally. Hell, yes.

 

[Pencil]

Sounds to me she is there in bed with you now too. Sorry, hope I'm not making things worse. She probably thinks this is another golden key. Sheeessh.

I think I should keep quiet now.

 

[Leah123]

Wish me luck, all. We have a session today. I hope to chat w/her on the phone, and pray that what she says is somehow reassuring.

 

[Abstract]

I hope she can help you gain back from this. Wishing you luck.

 

[Leah123]

This is what she originally said that freaked me out, don't know if I posted it yet:
"Well, I can finally tell you without hesitation that you are wrong, XXXX. Your father is in bed with the two of you now."

I don't even know exactly what she was saying I was wrong about, and I've asked her to explain! I keep finding more to say to her, more problems I have with her statement to point out. What I really need is for her to own up to her mistake *without* making any excuses or caveats. Here's some of what I posted for her- I'm hoping now that I'm calming down a tad, maybe I'm able to be a little more constructive.

So, I told her: Your wording, not to mention timing, was simply inappropriate. It demonstrates poor judgment, not the type of beneficial pushing that you were aiming for at all. There are any number of ways to state your concern, without giving me such a horrible visual.

I believe that asking me if being able to process and let go of the memories I'm fighting off wouldn't help make going to bed more comfortable would have conveyed your concern in a MUCH kinder manner. I believe that asking me if I wouldn't feel better not having to work so hard to keep the two separate and that you could help me with that when I was ready would have been a true blessing, instead of what you said to me. What made you want to challenge me so? It's terrible.

She wrote earlier: "My point was that I know you are afraid to share with XXXXXXX how your father abused you, but when you get to the point where you can do that, it will only make your sexual intimacy better."

I just replied: That is a personal decision, and it involved more than fear. Your reply also implies your assumption that I'm not satisfied with our sexual intimacy. I don't appreciate the number of assumptions you've been making.

Further, I have to doubt that you have quite the specific, comprehensive experience you suggest you have in asking women to discuss specific sexual acts that were perpetrated on them in order to improve their sex lives. I would be surprised and impressed if you were aware of enough empirical research or even had amassed enough case studies based on your own practice to make the blanket statement that telling someone's husband such specific, intimate details about sexual abuse was always beneficial.

And:

I never told you that there was no cost in my compartmentalizing. I never suggested that my coping was perfect. I said, I admitted, that intimacy was very hard for me because of discussing the abuse with you. But what is very true for me, that you violated, is that I do not mix my father and my husband up in my mental or physical space."

I appreciate you all bearing with me and reading all this- the number of levels this hits me on is just tremendous.

 

[Leah123]

I really hope you are not stuck in obsessing about your relationship with your H though as that sounds so good and healthy. Nothing you have done or said will change that.

You are RIGHT about that! That is my happy thought for today. That even though I felt on shaky ground, telling him about that HORRID conversation w/my therapist, that he has proved to me, AGAIN, how right we are for each other, and that he loves me deeply, forever. I am SO blessed to have him. I've told her our life together isn't perfect, we both have things to work on, but my husband is a GOOD man, and I love him. I made the choice to promise myself to life for him, and as someone who is divorced, I fear she doesn't have that security, or know what it's like, to make and keep a commitment, to persevere, and to *choose* love even in the moments where we don't feel that perfect honeymoon bliss that some people think is the only way a good marriage should ever be. She says she married for security, too young, and you know what- I did too. I got married fairly young, and for security, but I'm at home with and content with my decision. I am so much stronger for making my marriage work, and for choosing a wonderful man- he's not movie star perfect for me, but this isn't the movies, and I LOVE him.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

I would say personally that you've out grown her on many, many levels whether she has trauma training or not. I also still think that the only hope she has of even being remotely possibly able to understand you or even more broadly her own errors would be to read this thread and see how people who really understand trauma and PTSD react to such a suggestion. But realistically you don't owe her anything and it sounds like she's trying to cover her own back and not admit to anything in an unnecessary way as you've made yourself perfect clear to her as you've made your self perfectly clear to her.

 

[MsTerri]

This statement, in my opinion as a recovering sec abuse victim, whether taken in or out of context, would creep me out enough to look for a different therapist. I have found the need a few times to drop one immediately and to be very careful about whom I talk to. Having said that, hang on to all the great things you have read in response and realize you are of course not where your therapist said you are. Hope I didn't break any rules saying all that.

 

[Chosen]

I would dump her...she sounds worse and worse all the time. Sorry you're going through this!