My Vet Is Gone Again...

[1hopefulmilso]

This question is more directed to people with ptsd. When you disappear for a day or night to have space. Where exactly are you going to?

I'm wondering because my vet said he needed a night off and I compelty understand space, but I left to stay at a family members house, came back
Home to grab something I forgot, and he wasn't there? Now I'm
Wondering is it his ptsd or not?

 

[sun seeker]

Me? I go home. That probably doesn't help.

Could you ask him?

 

[Neverthesame]

When I still drank, bar. When I quit drinking, work. When I quit being a workaholic, anywhere quiet. I try to find a technical and fiddly, yet not overly challenging project. Something involved so I have to focus my mind away from where I don't want it. Yet, something I can still do after being awake for several days. I don't always have a plan though, sometimes I just need to go. Don't care where, just need to be moving. In which case I just walk. Sometimes for hours if I need to. Don't know if any of that helps.

 

[Sandstone]

When I was allowed to drive I'd tour round quiet country lanes for an hour or two till I found somewhere isolated with a view. Then I 'd sit there for several hours, with a magazine and some food.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I'd drive. A lot. It scared people.

 

[Ocean5]

I'm not a Vet, but child of one and have PTSD from childhood experiences (seriously I should have just been in the war - why make your kids relive it?)

I walk a lot, go places to think...places to forget myself...places to be present...trying to get my body/mind to be calm..... Maybe that helps you understand?

just need to be moving. In which case I just walk. Sometimes for hours if I need to.

That describes me...I either need to be walking, always moving...or home alone... or combination. But walking/movement help the most...

@1hopefulmilso it's good you have family to go to. Take advantage of that.

 

[Ocean5]

I also use to drive a lot...to calm me...

 

[Justmehere]

wait - you live together and he asked you to leave your home and then he left the home too?

I need space at times. I sleep or binge watch netflix or paint or go for runs.

 

[1hopefulmilso]

Thanks for input everyone. These has happen a few times that I've noticed. he isn't home. He said he's entitled to his space, which I get, but overnight seems kinda odd especially when he's not home. I'm trying to see his point of view and understand bc disappearing and not coming home does not sit well for me. Like I said I've asked but he's been very defensive. I was wondering if this is typical behavior.

 

[1hopefulmilso]

@Justmehere yes! I usually do for a day or two out of week, but a few weeks ago I came back to grab something and he wasnt home, and then I started noticing a pattern. I just don't know what to make out of it.

 

[Friday]

A ton of places. Sometimes just having the house empty lets me clear my head enough to think to be able to go get a bunch of stuff done. Or nowhere.

Unless you stayed there all night, you could have just missed him running to the store for smokes, or to pick up pizza, or whatever.

Sometimes the ask for space is preemptive. I know I've got a ton of stuff to do and don't want to have to explain myself as I'm schlepping about, or it will never happen. Or I'm gonna be up until 4am or later and the ask for space is really so I can sleep when I want to and wake up till I want to.

I would suggest waiting until he's not isolating, and ask him. Fair warning, asking during isolation is likely to get no answer or a grumpy answer at best.

 

[scout86]

I drive too, although I'm more likely to do that when I storm away from a fight instead of committing a crime. To cool off and give myself a chance to start to "think" again. Home alone? I might go for a walk, because I don't need that MUCH additional space.

If you want to know where he was and why, you should probably ask him, but leaving the house even if he was there alone doesn't seem strange to me. Sometimes it seems like physically moving is helpful, but it's nice also to know you have a quiet, safe place, with no pressure, to return to to finish getting your act together.