Nan died

[Esterio]

Hi Ice-Fire
Be gentle to yourself, you could never know in advance. She was probably just missing you. It sounds as if you were very close and loved each other greatly. Let her go and cherish all those good memories you have. She will always be with you in your heart, your thoughts and deeds.
Peace be safe

 

[Deleted member 12723]

If I'd have just come home...:cry:

I know how it feels to have a regret, when my son died I had the chance to talk to him one more time on the phone. He had called and was very drunk and I was so worn out by him and his rants that I did not pick up and the answering machine picked up his voice.

He was in the accident that took his life a day later. I wrestled with guilt for a very long time and you did not know, Please do not wrestle with this kind of guilt. At least you were talking to her every day and kept in touch the only way you could. You had just sprained your ankle and was working at a job and was building a life with your Iz. There is no way that you could have known this and in spite of the physical pain you were in you flew to her and it is just so sad and tragic that it was her time to go. It is not your fault and you have done nothing wrong. I still wrestle with my regrets but he knew I loved him and that had to count for something.

Please do not hang onto a regret or feel the guilt because you kept in touch with her the best you could at the time.

Also my mom wanted me to go her place for a stay two weeks before she died and I was in college and twenty one and had my own life. I was so sorry that I did not accept her invitation but my sibs did and she had a good time and in spite of this we were on the mend in our relationship so I am better about this one. She had written me a letter that I could have used my entire life except that my dad found it and ripped it up and threw it away. But in my heart I know that at long last my mom did love me. You know that your Nan loved you so very much. Besides being the person that she was she would not want you to feel bad about her leaving because I believe because she was not feeling good that she had made her peace and was ready to go. I really do believe this.:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

I have learned not to take anything for granted anymore. You will too and your life will be a very good one.

 

[Ice_Fire]

Aww @Rain thank you. You won't believe how much I needed to hear what you just said.

 

[Deleted member 34561]

I'm so very sorry for your loss Ice Fire. I've suffered a great deal of bereavement in my own life not least my Dad almost 17 years ago. I too felt like my life was over when he died and I too had regrets that I didn't make the most of him when he was alive. It was a very sudden death as he died in a road traffic accident on the motorway doing his job as a taxi driver. Obviously we had no warning this was going to happen whatsoever. At first like you I wanted to off myself so I could be with him again. But at the time I still had my youngest kid living at home with me and their dad my ex partner. I knew it would be selfish to leave my own kid without their mum even though I couldn't stand the pain I was in. So I hung in there for their sake not my own. In time the pain lessened as I learned to live with my loss. I learned to let my regrets go and to focus on the happy memories of my Dad instead. I also visited a medium 6 weeks after he died which brought me great comfort as they told me things about my dad and other deceased relatives that they could not have possibly have known if they hadn't been receiving the information from Spirit. It was the best 20 quid I ever spent in my life. But I know it's not everyone's cup of tea and I did get a medium through the British Association of Spiritualists in Belgravia London as I know there are a lot of charlatans out there who would exploit a vulnerable person in their grief. The guy I saw was the real deal. In any case I absolutely truly believe your beloved Nan is watching over you and one day when it's your time to cross over she will be there to greet you. And I'm with Rain that if you quieten your mind and listen to your heart you will still be able to hear your Nan's voice gently encouraging and supporting you as you carry on your life. I agree that you are most probably still in shock and a state of disbelief that this loss has even occurred. Elizabeth Kubler Ross came up with the 5 stages of grief after studying terminally ill patients in the late 1960s then publishing her findings in a book called On Death and Dying. The 5 stages are Denial Anger Bargaining Depression and finally Acceptance. These stages don't occur in a linear fashion and you can go back and forth through the different stages and even experience one or more stages at the same time. People all mourn and grieve in different ways. And it can take a very long time to get to acceptance. Please be gentle with yourself as you go through this process. And don't be afraid or ashamed to reach out for support as you grieve. Nobody can go through this on their own. It's too heavy a burden to carry otherwise. I really hope that what I've shared here will help you in your deep sorrow. Big ((((hugs)))))) if you want them. God bless you xx

 

[Ice_Fire]

Thank you @crazydiamond47 for your words. The funeral was on the 9th. The time is passing so very quickly yet at the same time each day feels like a lifetime. Time is weird, Nan always said that. She's right, it is.

I have gone from feeling too much, to feeling numb. Everything seems like too much, I know I need to keep going but honestly I just want to stop. Not that I can even sleep for any length of time to escape.