Need Advice From Those Who Have Children

[Mcll]

My husband and I have been discussing having a baby, I have been apprehensive about it in the past but that has changed in me :). How has having a child enriched your lives?

 

[JustBe]

My Children literally saved my life. I have suffered from Major Depression since childhood and having the responsibility of another life gave me a very important reason to live.

 

[Loveneverfails]

I never wanted kids but ended up adopting my niece and nephew as my own when their mother couldn't care for them. It's been hard and painful at times, but they gave me the strength to face my past and try to make myself better. Without them I don't think I ever would have left my abusive ex, I might not be alive today if I had. But more than that, they've become my life. It felt empty before, now it feels complete in a way I didn't think a single woman ever would feel. Children are everything life is about for me.

 

[DharmaGirl]

The day my son was born my whole life changed. I vowed to never hit him, and to parent him the way I wish I had been parented. He is 15, and a smart, funny, respectful, intelligent child. He has enriched my life and allowed me to sort of "overwrite" my childhood. You get to live all those horrid holidays and such, making them into wonderful days. He is the first person I've loved unconditionally and the only one I have accepted that kind of love from. It really made a huge positive difference in my life!

 

[Deleted member 12723]

My children have made my home a family. I have two granddaughters now. They have so enriched my life in a way that I do not have words to describe. They have taught me so much I never would have learned had I not had them.

At one time I did not want to get married or have children, but I am so glad I did. My daughter is my friend. We are very close. And she helps me so much. She knows how to do certain things that I have trouble with. I get the granddaughters for a weekend occasionally. They bring so much life into our home.

They are precious and my treasures. I am so glad I was a mother and now a grandmother I just love it. My life also feels complete having them in it. They are teaching me still.

 

[Mcll]

Loveneverfails:

now it feels complete in a way I didn't think a single woman ever would feel.

This.

I also want to add that I think it was a wonderful thing that you did by adopting your niece and nephew, even after from what little I've read so far that you have been through. You have a lot of strength and don't ever forget that.

gizmo:

At one time I did not want to get married or have children, but I am so glad I did. My daughter is my friend. We are very close. And she helps me so much. She knows how to do certain things that I have trouble with.

This really touched my heart, thank you for sharing this.

And thank you to everyone who replied and shared their point of view on this subject.:)

 

[Violet03]

I didn't get to choose my daughter. I got her from being raped, but she is the most important person in the world to me today. Because she is in my life now, I get to be a better parent than I ever had. I get to almost live the childhood I never had through hers. She is almost 15 now and we have been best friends her whole life. I get to see her grow to be a healthy, successful, happy young woman. This past year since developing my PTSD, she has been the reason to fight for my life and not give up. I can't image my life without my daughter. I never regret the decision to keep her.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

You are such a fantastic mom. I am the product of a date rape and my mom hated me and blamed me for her bad life. Your little girl is so blessed to have you as her mom. I am amazed at your healing. You are a remarkable person. Big hugs.

 

[Violet03]

Thanks gizmo! I'm not going to say it was easy when I was pregnant, because it wasn't. I hated her when I was pregnant. (I would never tell her that!) but something inside me could not end her life, and then when she was born I told myself it wasn't her fault. I made the decision to be the best mom I could be. I make a lot of mistakes, but because we are so close we have really good heart-to-heart talks all the time. Since she found out last year I have tried to be there for her. I can't imagine what that must feel like for her. I didn't know the person so I can't tell her where she came from. It's hard for me when she has questions, but she is so important to me that I try to be as honest as I can for her age. I know she has some healing to do too. I'm sorry to hear about your experience. (((((((big hugs to you!)))))))))

 

[Rumors]

Great question! I love it!

I can honestly say I never knew what it felt like to unconditionally LOVE someone. You love your parents, you love your husband, you love your friends, but this is a love you have never known and once you have, you cannot live without it.

I love waking up and having a smiling face that greets me and is happy to see me. I love that I get to "teach" him all the things I wish I knew; self respect, honor, chivalry, pride, happiness, etc. I am honored to be able to have that opportunity and I treasure that with all of my heart.

I love watching him change and grow up, learn and experiment. It literally is like I am living vicariously through him.

It is an honor and a great responsibility but in the end is the greatest accomplishment of my life. If I have failed at everything else, I look at him and know that I at least did one thing right. My failures are washed away with his smile and for that I am grateful. Being a mom is awesome!

Being a mom makes me want to be a better person so that I can be a better mom. That is something you can't buy in therapy nor can you find in a bottle or bar. I am grateful!

Good luck! I know you will have a blast!!!

 

[Deleted member 12723]

My mom married her rapist. Both of their sets of parents forced them to get married. You can imagine what a hellish marriage that was. They stayed together until I was eighteen years old, then my mom abandoned me with my dad and brother to go and live with another man. I think she began to be happy at that point. Then she was killed in a small plane crash a year later. We were just starting to really talk to each other, so it was a huge loss to me. I loved her so much in spite of how she felt about me.

That is why I say you are amazing. Your daughter and you are great together. She probably will not need much healing because you are all she knows. It is hard to know I am the product of a date rape. My dad told me when i was in the fourth grade. I do not know why.Then his mom told me she forced my mom to lay down so she could feel her stomach to make sure she was pregnant. I cannot imagine how hard that was on her. But she never told me a thing. She only took it out on me.

You are a great mom. I am really happy for you and your daughter.

 

[Shellbell]

I had both of my children before the PTSD symptoms began. I thought I was 'normal' then. Of course I wasn't, I was in a huge amount of denial and avoidance about the severe and multiple trauma's I've endured.

I always wanted to be a Mum and be the opposite of my Mother. I wanted to be a fantastic Mum and do everything for my children that I didn't receive as a child myself.

I don't regret my children at all, I love them with all my heart. But now I have PTSD and I am being treated with medication for chronic PTSD and severe depression, I have times now when I think I am really selfish to have had children and that I should have realised sooner that I am too screwed up to be the kind of Mum I always wanted to be. I have 'Mummy guilt' some days, when I am tired, irritable and not coping well with their noise and energy. But most days I see that my children are very happy, secure, stable, safe, much loved and cherished children. They are beautiful, energetic, funny, full of character, endearing, happy boys.

Yes, my children have enriched my life enormously and I love them with all my heart. I am very blessed to have the privilege of being their Mum.