Need Advice From Those Who Have Children

[JustBe]

I always wanted to be a Mum and be the opposite of my Mother. I wanted to be a fantastic Mum and do everything for my children that I didn't receive as a child myself.

I have times now when I think I am really selfish to have had children and that I should have realised sooner that I am too screwed up to be the kind of Mum I always wanted to be.

Wow Shellbell, you could have plucked those words right out of my heart! I think that often!

 

[Shellbell]

I think it's a common feeling sometimes with Mum's with PTSD. But someone on here gave me advice that we don't have to be perfect. And she was right. Some days, we just need to be good enough and also learn accept help, which I have. It's okay to not be perfect.

 

[Traumagirl]

It's hard to admit it, but if I didn't have all the stress and noise of my three atypical children, I would be better by now. My daughter's Down syndrome and my boys' ADHD make my life so difficult much of the time. I can't help wondering what they'd be like if God put them with different parents. I guess this doesn't help much. I don't know.

 

[JustBe]

(((Traumagirl)))

I have often thought my boys would have been better off with stable parents, but selfishly I enjoyed and still cherish every moment of their childhood (now the teenage years are a different story!).

Recently however, now that they have grown and are living their own lives, my PTSD exploded and I was forced by illness to quit my job and work on me.

It was easier to distract myself for all of those years with raising my boys and keeping them safe.

 

[Shellbell]

@ Traumagirl, that must be very hard.

I find it difficult some days and my boys don't have ADHD, Down's Syndrome or any other challenges that make parenting far more difficult and therefore affecting your PTSD healing.

I hope you have support. ((((hugs))))

 

[Deleted member 12723]

(((Trauma girl))) I really feel for you and my heart goes out to you. You have your hands and heart full to overflowing. You also have a husband who has cancer and is recovering and trying to heal.

You just have alot going on in your life. The little I know about you is that you are a beautiful human being with a very kind and gracious and loving heart and this will serve you very well.

You are a good wife and mother. You just have so much going on. But you have love and that does so much good for your future.

I hope you have good support too like Shellbell said. I think everything will turn out well for you because of who you are. Big hugs.

 

[Traumagirl]

I am overwhelmed by your responses. Thank you SOOOO much. Thank you for being part of the support I so desperately need.

 

[saffy]

You get to watch them grow and laugh and play and learn and win and fail and you love them totally unconditionally. You have the chance to prove that a parents love for their children is possible on such a level that opens up a whole world of new thinking.

Im glad I had mine, it was hard at times I know, but totally worth it. Watching my grandson grow is like watching a little miracle.

Saffy :)

 

[Britt.f7]

I wasn't sure I wanted children. Then my husband and I decided to have them. The moment I had my son I was filled with more love then I ever could have imagined. He has taught me to be a child again.

Now, it hasn't been without struggles. My depression got worse during each pregnancy (two of them). My sons have had to deal with my reoccurring bouts of depression and anxiety through out their lives. Sometimes I think they would be better without me. But they have never told me that. They are teens now and have turned into compassionate young men.

We do the best we can and love them as much as we can. I have been open with them about my past. Well, not until I knew they were old enough to understand.

They have brought unconditional love to me. I only hope they feel that that is what they get from me.

 

[Bilby]

I have 'Mummy guilt' some days, when I am tired, irritable and not coping well with their noise and energy.

I hear you with that one, Shellbell. But I also try to remind myself that no matter what I do, it seems to come with the territory of being a Mum, that there is also guilt.

I have suffered from Major Depression since childhood and having the responsibility of another life gave me a very important reason to live.

I have never heard anyone else say that they have had major depression since childhood. I have the same problem, Movin'On. And you are spot on - they are a very important reason to live.

My depression got worse during each pregnancy (two of them).

This has happened with each of my pregnancies also, Britt, as well as during the post-natal period. It can be very difficult to manage at times.

Being a parent is the very hardest job in the world - one for which you get absolutely no training and the pay is terrible, but it is also THE best job in the world - the most rewarding, the most challenging, and something that can make you truly appreciate the value of the very simplest things in life. A smile from your baby = bliss. The love you hold for your children is one that is truly indescribable - there isn't a single thing you wouldn't do for them.

B x

 

[discarded]

I accidentally fell pregnant with our 4th child, 10 years after our 3rd. It came as a huge shock and my husband was away on exercise when I found out and I had to wait until he contacted me to tell him. I struggled for the longest time on whether to go ahead with the pregnancy, our lives were on track, we had 3 wonderful kids and I was now working full time for the first time in our married life. I questioned God continually as to why this child was given to me now when my life was so settled. And now I know why. Through my darkest days of depression, one of the downsides of my husband's PTSD, she is my reason for living. My 3 oldest all adults now and not dependent on me anymore. But she needs me, her father has rejected her for now due to his illness and I could not ever let her down as well. To all of us she is this wonderful gift and my saviour.

 

[Beautifully Broken]

I believe my daughter saved my life. I have suffered from PTSD and severe depression since I was a young child and to be honest before I had her I prayed to God just to give me a reason to live. I never thought having a child would bring me so much happiness. She is the one thing that keeps me on track, motivated to succeed, and to keep pushing to be a better person. It is the hardest job in the world, but as many people have said it is also one of the most rewarding as well.