Need Advice From Those Who Have Children

[Britt.f7]

A smile from your baby = bliss.

B x

Bilby, I remember one time when my first born was very little. He slept in our bed and was sleeping near me. I was going through a horrible time. I was quietly crying. Tears streaming down my face...wondering how I was going to get through this, when, all of a sudden, he turned and snuggled into me. My tears stopped. It is obviously something I will never forget.

 

[maddog]

To read the words of those of you who truly love and treasure your children, despite your adversity and the struggles they bring, has brought me to tears tonight. I don't know why I needed to comment, I just wanted to say... thank you, to those who care enough about their children to fight for them, through the tough times and in spite of the terrible times. You restore my faith in humanity.

Maddog

 

[Debbet]

Shellbell, you hit the nail on the head. I have tons of mommy guilt but my kids are fabulous as everyone keeps telling me. My children have kept me alive and made being alive worth the pain. I am often afraid of what having a PTSD and depression sufferer as a mother has done to them but realize that no parent is perfect and as long as they KNOW that they are loved then we are doing (mostly) okay.

 

[Debbet]

maddog, when you have seen some of the worst you want to give the best you can to the ones you love.

 

[Anna]

Having my oldest child changed me completly.

I was completly self destructive and did not look after myself properly. It gave me the strength to become independant and break away from my family who at the time contributed to my troubles.

I became responsible and started to care for myself more. It was not just about me anymore. I had someone more important who I had to care for. It enriched my life completly.

 

[Britt.f7]

I became responsible and started to care for myself more. It was not just about me anymore. I had someone more important who I had to care for. It enriched my life completly

This is so true. I probably wouldn't have pushed for my doctors to find out what was medically wrong with me as much, if it weren't for my boys. It was important for me to be able to give them some answers and to make mommy well if possible.

When I went through my bouts of depression, or this last years complete darkness, I think I tried harder to get out of it then I would have without my boys.

They changed the way I looked at my parents and how they treated me as a child. If my parent's thought it would shed the light in their favor, they were wrong. If anything my children showed me how vulnerable you are as a child and how important they need the adults in their life to behave like adults and care for them.

 

[Anna]

They changed the way I looked at my parents and how they treated me as a child. If my parent's thought it would shed the light in their favor, they were wrong. If anything my children showed me how vulnerable you are as a child and how important they need the adults in their life to behave like adults and care for them.

Hell yea. I agree 100%. I have often questioned my parents many times since I have my own children and have been left in awe by their neglegt. I know now it was ignorance that caused so many wounds. You know there was this good saying in a film I watched where a man said "Ignorance can cause as much damage as evil".

 

[nimkekaa]

I had my biological children before I remembered everything I had been through. I repressed years of my childhood for good reason. So I didn't get to weigh all my options properly.

I am very glad that I had my children when I did though. I might not have had any if I knew what was ahead of me to heal from. My children saved my life. I knew that I could never hurt them and therefore suicide was never an option. I would rather suffer any pain then put them through the pain of dealing with the aftermash of my suicide. Without them I truely believe I would have killed myself or ended up into major drugs and alcohol.

That said I think that I have done a great job parenting because of some of the pain that I have been through. I have also fostered many children and many of them felt that I just "got them". I think that I was much more willing to listen to my children because I was never listened too.

But someone on here gave me advice that we don't have to be perfect. And she was right.

I had a friend that made a comment about being perfect that has always stayed with me. She said that children learn from their parents. They learn to make mistakes and how to handle their mistakes from how their parents deal with similar situations. If as a parent we were perfect then our children would not have any way of knowing what to do when they made a mistake. Also we all want to be like our parents so we would be settting them up to try and be perfect.

So for the welfare of my children I am NOT perfect and make sure I point out to my children when I handle things wrong (especially with them) and then appologize and talk about how I wish I handled the situation.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I used to beat myself up so bad about not being a good mom. Both my daughter and my stepdaughter said I was a very good mom. I finally feel that I am a good enough mom. I broke the generational cycle of abuse.

My own daughter is the best mom I have ever seen. She is amazing. I am so happy for the way her and her children love each other.

 

[therapybankrupt]

Do not expect anything! Love them unconditionally. If your lucky they will grow up and do the same for you!

 

[ptsdsurvivor]

As a survivor of child abuse and someone with complex PTSD in my 30s, I have been struggling with questions about having children. Thank you all for sharing your experiences of challenges and encouraging moments. You are so inspiring.

 

[Jlso111187]

My children have been a huge part of my help. If it wasnt for them I would have no reason to get out of bed everyday. I couldnt imagin life without them.

When I am sad they know it and say the darnest things to try and make it better. They know mommy has bad days and they try not to trigger it in anyway.

I love them with all my heart and would die without them.