General Need advice & tips regarding a friend with ptsd

[Calista portier]

Forgive me for the long post. But please read needing some help.

I need some help on how to support someone who suffers from ptsd. I would like tips on what to say and what to do to show a friend who suffers from ptsd that I care , I'm here for them I support them. I'm not sure what to do because I have never dealt with someone who has ptsd any advice would be helpful.

I have a friend who has ptsd stemming from when he was in the marines. A year ago he lost his wife & mother to his child . Prior to that he had a terrible car accident that nearly took his life. I think these events may have made his ptsd more difficult on him. He has times where everything seems good he's in a good mood he will call or text me all the time etc. then from 1 day to the next he gets extremely distant just about shuts me out he will completely ignore me. For a while I thought it was me I felt bad thinking I had said or done something. Until he would tell me I'm not really talking to anyone, I'm not in a good mood, I want to be alone, I need time to think . He always says he will be fine he will get through it. I have realized it's not me and perhaps it's his ptsd. I don't know what triggers this.

When he gets distant like this what can I do or say as his friend to support and encourage him ?

Should I ignore him?

I want him to know I care and he can come to me but he gets so distant. Any tips and advice would help . Thank you

 

[Deleted member 30036]

I think that giving him a call/text during the distant time's just remind him that there is someone there that or drop by and see if he wants to walk,run or work out or simply do something might help :)

 

[Calista portier]

He actually lives far away from me we live in separate states so what I've been doing every day is sending him a quick text message letting him know that I'm here for him if he needs anything and that I hope he has a good day I just don't know if you know thatS good enough.

 

[Deleted member 30036]

Sounds to me like your doing your best the choice is his and its something he needs to decide on his own

 

[Calista portier]

Is it normal for someone who suffers from PTSD to act the way he's acting right now ?

I don't know for sure if it is his PTSD that's causing him to be distant at the moment but I'm assuming more than likely that it is

 

[Deleted member 30036]

Yeah fairly common

 

[Sweetpea76]

Isolation seems to be a pretty common coping mechanism. Don't take it personally, it's about him and his stress levels in general and not you. Sometimes a lot of little texts can be stressful. He may feel pressured to answer the more they pile up.

My vet is an isolater too. Usually if he doesn't respond I'll give him a little space. Like a single text "hey, I'm here, hit me up anytime, no pressure" is good enough. He knows I don't take it personally. It takes the pressure to respond off, and he knows my feelings aren't hurt.

 

[Deleted member 40995]

Sometimes we isolate, its not your fault, its just a way we cope sometimes. It sounds like you are doing the right things, really just being there for him and giving him someone to lean on or talk to when he needs is the best thing. Not pressuring him or bringing anything up unless he starts talking about it first, and if he does talk about it, just being there to listen and offer some compassion is what he needs :) If he is being distant/isolating, maybe a friendly text or something just to say hi and let him know you care, but don't try to make him talk about it if he isn't bringing it into the conversation. Sounds like you are already helping just by caring about him though, thats one of the most important things to do :)

 

[Calista portier]

Thank you. I feel better knowing at least I'm doing the right thing and that it's not that I have done or said something to make him not want to talk. I want to learn more about ptsd so that I can better understand him and help be a better support even if he doesn't open up to me or shuts down at least I can try to be a good supportive friend.