Need an Honest Opinion (PTSD)

[nonabug5]

I find myself in a quandry. I have played tug-of-war with my sanity for so long now that I have to ask myself if I am still gaining ground. Would it be actually better for me to stop talking about it so I can "level off". Is it possible for that to happen?

I began therapy almost 2 years ago. Prior to that I "sucked it up" for many years. My therapist finally got me to go to River Oaks in New Orleans this January. It was a good program. When I returned, I went to a partial day therapy program 3 days a week. That brings me to now......

I summoned the courage to ask for more help last week & they increased my hourson Thursday. Then on Friday, they told me I will be leaving the program next Friday. So, the big question is, do I go back at all? Partial or all day? At the moment, I feel defeated and rather thick headed. I'm not stupid, so what's my problem here??? I think I have had a weekend to start closing the ties and to go back for another week rips it open again. I honest to God think sometimes that I am beyond reach. I just want the flashbacks and all the other garbage to ease up. ---- My big question is this: If I spent time in a PTSD facility and did intensive treatment when I got home, & I am still losing time & having flashbacks,... Just what do I do now?
I think about things too much at times and may be blowing this out of proportion. I know I can be annoying as hell, but I honestly feel raw and overwhelmed, - vulnerable. I found myself reacting physically in anger to an old trigger. I don't behave like that! What's happening? I was so scared by it all, I asked for help last Wednesday.

Now I will leave the program this Friday. I openly ask for input, would you go back for the last week to be stirred up again? What if something more happens this week? :crazy:

 

[Deleted member 541]

It sounds as if you have had a ton of therapy in the past few years. So, I guess my question(s) would be....

What type(s) of therapy have you had?

Have you been taught coping skills?

What do you do, yourself, that will help you to calm down, get out of a flashback, and come back into the here and now???

 

[fin]

I understand your confusion and the internal struggle that you seem to be faced with at the moment.

I believe that you have to try to trust yourself more at the moment. I know that you must have had such pain, and I understand some because of the feelings you have written of here.

I hope that you can please allow yourself some compassion and understanding. Please be kinder to you, you are important understand that, and knowing that learning to manage PTSD is an ongoing process, I think will hopefully help you some also. I believe we have to maintain and learn new skills as we walk with it. They may feel like small steps that we take but they are good steps that will help you extend your abilities, day by day we can learn somehow . I know you can do this, I understand that you feel hesitant also. Perhaps relaxing will come easier somehow if you can maybe take this time for you.

Take this perhaps as an opportunity to try to learn more on anger management, it will hurt just as bad if it is internalised. I have read that it is unlikely we will become physically aggresive if it is not already in us, although again PTSD left unmanaged will affect us in many ways. I do know how scarey it can feel to fear we will not be in control of ourselves, please know you are not alone in this.

I hope that this can help you a little more, just please keep trying. I really believe you can do this and you will find the way. Take care of you please.

 

[TLight]

Good words from both Fin and She Cat.

Therapy is very intense, opening those wounds can be overwhelming for years and may make you feel like you shouldn't have begun working on this stuff.

I've felt that way many times.

Going out into the world and trying to function while undergoing this process is difficult, to say the least. I can't work right now and it's been a year. But I've had a lot of workplace revictimization.

You are the only judge of how quickly and how much therapy you can undergo at any time. Pay attention to your limits and do not be afraid to voice those to your care team. This is very intense work...........the most painful stuff you will ever go through. It is on line with painful cancer treatments for years..........we are no different, in fact, I think worse.
You can't turn back now.........this is what I've found. But you can pace and regulate so you don't get too overwhelmed.

 

[anthony]

Therapy is to learn how to effectively manage yourself... two years of it, doesn't sound like you have been doing much of the work yourself, instead listening to the same thing over and over, if not just put various different ways. No doubt you have said something like... "oh, do you mean like...?" in reference to something you already have learnt from a therapist.

Honest opinion as per your request! You need to start doing and less listening. You can sit in therapy your entire life and be none the wiser because you have had no real amount of time to actually put things into practice, to learn, to fall over and pick yourself up, instead of just relying on a therapist or program. IMHO... your thoughts on this are correct... spend a year or two alone actually putting into practice everything you know and see what happens.

Here is the killer honesty though. You have been in therapy for two years and still having flashbacks. That to me sounds like you haven't worked as hard as you say you have, because two years of therapy and you should have no little secrets, no unresolved trauma within your life as you could have talked everything about your past out by now. So what gives? Do you have secrets that you have not told your therapist? Are you leaving things out because you don't feel they are important? Do you simply not want to tell them because you believe you are capable of dealing with it yourself? Is it actually your present situation and life that is causing the stress, thus bringing in flashbacks?

Remember, if you deal with all your trauma, you actually deal with all the symptoms with the exception of what PTSD itself is... a residual amount of anxiety and depression that will manifest if left unchecked constantly.

 

[supergirl]

I would for sure finish your last week of treatment. For me, the last week was when i had the biggest changes. Everyone is different but I really think you should see it through...