Relationship Need Combat Ptsd Supporter Input!

[kittiekittie]

Instead of giving all the details and excessive backstory I'll keep it simple.

ex-infantry guy, we aren't dating and I know it's not really likely for a number of reasons. He is medicated, not in therapy, is not fully aware of his triggers.

what works? what doesn't work? What are things I should never ever do?

I have struggled with civilian PTSD myself but due to many years of therapy I no longer meet the diagnostic criteria anymore and I think I sometimes honestly forget what it is like to really suffer. I catch myself doing or saying things at times I know I shouldn't once I've reflected on it (I always apologize). Nothing brutal because I like and care about him. I try not to pressure him and keep it lighthearted but every once in awhile he triggers me inadvertantly and I am occasionally reactive.

When this happens we talk about it, and it's okay after. I am trying to be more cognizant about this.

 

[akenawolf]

Encourage him to be in some type of therapy. Never allow wallowing or being sedentary. He needs to identify his triggers. Everyone's different but putting him in a situation he cant control is not an option. Such as not giving him options or putting him into a corner. Being direct, and straight forward is the best approach. Speak your mind, speak to his doctors as well if you're close enough to him. Being light hearted all time dances around the issues and if its time to take things seriously it needs to be.

 

[kittiekittie]

I've given him names and contact info for some top notch therapists in the area, but he just recently moved and I'm not sure what resources are available to him at his new location (I am a good 5 hours away now unfortunately). I am direct and straight forward when I need to ask/talk to him in a serious manner and he will take it seriously also. That said he has a lot of work to do, and he knows it but is still a little resistant. I think he might be more open to the idea when he's settled. I bring it up periodically, but he usually shuts me down.

 

[arfie]

If there is a do or don't list, I already don't trust it. PTSD is different for everyone. Treat that man like he is the only one of his kind on the planet.

 

[akenawolf]

Kittie you sound like a great caregiver to your friend. My husband used to turn into a deaf brick wall whenever I got angry or said something he didnt like just because he didnt want to deal with it and he didnt know how to. Tough love worked for me. I realize this may not be much help to you. Best of luck dear.