Undiagnosed Need some advice, my first post. emotional abuse & neglect.

[Deleted member 37474]

I wanted to at first, but then I got sick of it, and thats part of why I moved out last summer. I wa...

Yes. Anything to get you away from this role in your life would really help, I think.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

As of now I am stuck in this job, I currently hate

You are never stuck in a job. Look for another job, preferably one that pays more, while you are working. Don't do what I did and wait until you are fired to leave. Start looking now for one. There is always a better job that can use your skills that is a better job and will pay you more.

 

[Deleted member 42665]

You are never stuck in a job. Look for another job, preferably one that pays more, while you...

I am, I literally apply for jobs every single day... so yes I am stuck, I can't force someone to hire me, so for now, its this crappy job until I get another

This is getting off topic of my original question....

 

[whiteraven]

I am 35 and never been kissed, been on a date, or had sex. I am completely scared to be close to guys even in a friend sense because my mom will question them and lecture me. I, however, feel more at ease talking to guys and tend to open up more to them. I have a male therapist and I am comfortable with him, it's not that I am embarrassed of this topic but more just that I hate this about myself.

The other thing this is tied to, my so called "friends" I do game nights with, one of them knows and makes jokes constantly and tells everyone. I am always mocked for it. I just am not sure if it's important information or if it's something I can just avoid saying because it's hard to admit out loud to people. Any advice?

I had never had consensual intimate contact with a male partner until much later than you, so I totally understand that feeling of hating this about yourself. I was also really embarrassed by the topic and never brought it up to ANYBODY. In hindsight, I wish I had talked to my therapist about it. It left me feeling completely "abnormal," different from everybody, and it was a huge preoccupation for me.

If in fact, the only reason you've never been intimate is because of your mom, then it seems your focus should likely be on finding a better job and getting the heck out of that house (which, I understand, you are doing. Kudos!). Or, maybe, start working with your therapist on strategies to deal with your mom (which means talking to him about this issue).

Also, I just wanted to mention that NO friend would mock you or joke about this. Sorry.

And yes. It sounds like this is important to you. And that's what's important here.

 

[Deleted member 42665]

I had never had consensual intimate contact with a male partner until much later than you, so I tota...

Oh I know my "friends" are crap. Its all I got right now, friends are hard to make and keep. I luckily only see this one who always does it, once a month or every other for game nights. However, she always jokes in front of everyone and I laugh along but it just really pisses me off. I hate how awkward I am around guys if its not family or a professional. I feel like somehow mom is stalking me and I will get screamed at or called names, disowned etc if she finds out, I've had to hide so much in my life out of fear of her knowing, like stupid things, for example... if I talk to a guy online, super casual chat.... I never ever would tell her and then sometimes my friends would be around and mention his name cuz I would tell them and I had massive anxiety and had to stop it.

I almost think somedays she wishes I was gay, because it's clear she doesn't want me with a guy

I know he is gonna help me work on dealing with her, he wants me to get back into my home in October when my renter moves out, so he and I wrote that as my big goal. Working on trying to find a job that pays better than my current is tough but I do it.

I think eventually it will come out anyway... I am feeling so overwhelmed emotionally with all kinds of stuff, and I am probably just gonna end up rambling or screaming in session soon

 

[whiteraven]

I am feeling so overwhelmed emotionally with all kinds of stuff, and I am probably just gonna end up rambling or screaming in session soon

I'm sorry. I can so completely relate to that!

 

[Deleted member 42665]

I'm sorry. I can so completely relate to that!

it's frustrating and i wish i was going 2x a week again, i may pass out with these emotions waiting until friday, sigh...

 

[joeylittle]

@DogLover33 - have you been diagnosed with PTSD?

 

[Deleted member 42665]

@DogLover33 - have you been diagnosed with PTSD?

No, I just came here because it was about mental health, thought it had a lot of interesting topics

 

[Deleted member 42665]

ADMIN

Also, sorry, the thread got off topic, that was NOT my intention at all, mom and I and my friends, I don't have PTSD so moving the thread to that forum seems weird, you can just delete the thread if you want...