Need Some Advice, Please

[Tanishq]

However, since you are here, you know that PTSD is not insanity, it's intensity.

I understand this.

 

[Tanishq]

I get compliments of people saying "You are so strong" "I'm so impressed by you!" .... and to me it doesn't make sense.

Hi Phoenix,
Some friends do tell me this. It overwhelms me so much and sometimes I question are they give me just bleh?

 

[all_akimbo]

Safenow,

This very same thing happened to me when I first started talking to people who "got it". When someone said I was strong or brave or amazing even, it was PAINFUL. It made me cry. It went against everything I knew about myself and most of all it made my shame fight harder for my soul.

You are not alone. It will get better. I support you in your attempt to take in these positive messages about yourself. I know it is hard.

I pray that someday very soon it doesn't hurt so much and that your shame and guilt will STFU and give you some peace. I pray that your light continues to grow and shine. I pray that you do not become discouraged.

You have helped me more than anyone I've interacted with here so far. Your kind words and support yesterday meant the world to me and have given me courage to try to write my story. I needed someone to help me, I needed that encouragement and you offered it without any strings attached. I am very grateful to you.

I read some of your diary and I have to tell you that it makes complete sense that you would feel this way. When we grow up in chaos; when we are used to screaming and yelling to communicate or used to abuse as our basic way of receiving interaction, it feels very foreign when people are kind to us. That's what abuse does to you.

I won't say any of those things that are causing you pain right now here. Just know that I am here to listen if you need to talk. Please don't give up. The positive self talk and positive external talk will get easier to absorb with practice and when you are ready to take more in, I have some for you that I am holding back because I don't want to make things worse for you at the moment.

((((((((((safenow))))))))))

-aa

 

[Mercy]

The sharing it is the hard part. Because the majority of people in this world either don't believe it's possible, or they feel we should just "get over it".

Some may say I am making it all up or I have a good imagination. Not being believed is a huge rejection. If we include all the abuse and then these many versions of Shut Up, no wonder it is hard to allow ourselves to take in the good stuff. I remember I had to take tiny steps like let myself taste what I was eating(weird), Hard to let the beauty of a sunrise be there for me too. It really belonged to other people because I was worthless garbage.

Thank yous and compliments must be lies. There must be a trap hidden somewhere.

We have a hard time sharing the bad stuff. I think when we do share the bad stuff it makes some room in us to store the good things people here say. There are not traps. There is kindness and good intentions. They are real too.

I pray that in the time that you have you can let in the good stuff and the good words spoken to you. You have been through the worst, now is the time for the best.

((((((((((Hugs for all of you who would like some))))))))