Need Some Advice

[Avenger35]

Hey guys, sorry I haven't been around for a little while been doing a little traveling for my son's baseball season. Anyway, I need to pose a question to all of you. I have a good buddy that is suffering, untreated, from PTSD. He refuses to seek any help of any kind. I understand the fact that getting help has to be his idea and nobody can do much for him until he decides he is ready. My biggest concern is his wife, she is trying to help and trying to be strong for both of them and stay by his side but these last few weeks have been proving difficult. He has told her that just being around her pisses him off and he has taken to drinking quite heavily. He has dumped all of his usual friends and leisure time activities and has closed himself off from everything and everyone except where he works. I have a bad feeling that he has reached the end of his rope and if she doesn't remove herself from the situation she will end up badly hurt or worse.... She doesn't want to leave, shes loves him dearly but, I'm afraid for her safety. Even me, being a long time friend and fellow soldier can't seem to get through to him. Everytime I bring up anything about what he's going through he shuts me down. What would your advice be for her? Stick it out or run like Hell??

 

[Spock]

There are a ton a options but off the top of my head since we're on this site can you get him to watch the video:
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If that seems to work, then try to get him to watch it with his wife before he chases her away.

 

[Jimmy1]

Hey Avenger, unfortunately there is not much you can do, you are caught between a rock and a hard place. The best thing she can do is to leave for a while and hope he starts looking for help, but If you suggest to her to leave for a little while and he finds out, you will be mud to him. All I can suggest is for you to take up an over watch position and if things do go down that track then step in and offer advice.

Be his friend and hers, tell her you will be there to support and give her all the tools but ultimately it's her decision. With regards to him, be there for him too, tell him some stories from this forum, especially if you know of some guys on here from his time in service. For instance, if you do get to have a conversation, change subject and say something like, 'There was a guy on the forum I chat on that was where we were over there, and he was', 'Sorry mate, you don't want to know' and change the subject. Or just tell him straight, tell him that he is ruining both his life and your friendship and don't come around for a while.

Sorry I can't help much more mate. Sometimes the beast ruins a lot of things.

Jimmy

 

[Sleeping Dragon]

If your good friend turned on his wife, you and the rest of his remaining friends and family, he may need more help than all of you can give by yourselves. If his wife honestly beleives she is in danger she needs to leave.

Please don't misunderstand. I'm not suggesting you simply abandon him. Call the VA. My councelor at American Lake, Washington intervened in cases just like the one you described. But, that was with vets. who were already in the system. If he's not they may not be able to help. But, it's worth a phone call to find out. They may have suggestions on other agencies in your area.

Jimmy's advice is good. Try to stay close. If you can go to him with another combat vet. that he knows, the two of you may be able to reach him if the time is right. What you describe certainly sounds like he needs some professional help.

If none of this works I know a couple of folks who have contacts nation wide. They may know someone in your area who you can contact. Please let us know how things work out.

SD

 

[Zipperhead]

No one can make him get help until he accepts he needs it. Best thing for her? Find a safe place. Maybe that will make him admit he needs help.

 

[Jimmy1]

She has to make that decision for herself. I helped a mates wife one day to get out safe. They are back together now but they don't talk to me, they saw it as interfering, wtf.

 

[Barberian]

At my first command I was on an anti/counter terrorist team. One of my collateral duties was to patrol housing as Military Police. We were told again and again, that the most dangerous situation we will probably ever roll up on short of a terrorist attack is a domestic dispute. They may be trying to kill each other, but the second you start to interfere, they will both turn on you and try to kill you.

My advice? Stay clear unless there is a clear and present danger to someone of being harmed or worse. Involve the police, social services, whoever you can before charging in to save the day unless it's time critical.

 

[Chin Strapped]

She should leave and hopefully he will find some sense and sort it. Easier said than done.... marriage disaster stories a plenty on here no doubt.

 

[Sarg]

In the old days before police intervention they used to beat hell outta each other. And don't tell me the women are out gunned. My wife's aunt waited for the uncle to pass out, tied him securely to the bed and beat hell outta him with a broom handle til he could hardly walk the next day. He never touched her again.

Sarg

 

[Avenger35]

Thanks for the help guys, pretty much re-enforced what I've been thinking all along. I can't help him unless he wants it and the choice to leave or stay is hers alone... But if things get out of control I'm willing to intervene if the situation calls for it.

 

[Jimmy1]

Thanks for the help guys, pretty much re-enforced what I've been thinking all along. I can't help him unless he wants it and the choice to leave or stay is hers alone... But if things get out of control I'm willing to intervene if the situation calls for it.

Spoken like a true mate. I know so many people who would sit back and not say a word.

Can you at least give her these links to follow.

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And mate, if she is in serious trouble, can you ask her if she would like a private Facebook group to join for spouses of veterans with PTSD. I have a good friend who leads it. If so, PM me and I will give you my FB name.

Cheers

 

[Avenger35]

Hey guys, just checking in. First off, I'm happy to report that after 15 months I'm finally receiving my compensation! And on another note, in reference to this thread I created, my buddy has agreed to seek help! His better half stuck by his side and weathered the storm. I guess all that talking paid off. I was sure relieved when I heard the news today. Thanks again for all your help and advice.