Need Some Dating Advice....

[missy8888]

You Go Girl!!!

I am glad it went well. and if he messaged you right after... he is definately interseted!!!!!! I am soooooooo happy for you!!!!!:occasion:

 

[TLight]

Congrats Pandora!
Take your time, pay attention to your gut.........and enjoy the attention. I'm been seeing someone for 3 months now and we are in love, but practical and mature about it also...........I wish the same for you someday........loving support and affection are extremely healing............I hope he's a good man! But have your eyes wide open and most importantly.........know in a place deep within you that you are a valuable, intelligent, beautiful woman entirely worthy of the best of treatment..........and when it comes your way...........accept it........take it all in.........make up for lost time and the love that we never received. You deserve it girl.

 

[Tinyflame]

TLight is very right pand. :smile:

And remember, -when he compliments you, -just say, "Thank you" - don't minimize it.

Don't worry, just enjoy each day.

P.S- read you didn't feel well, re: migraines, etc. -Know an "awful" stomach- that I can relate! (actually, -migraines, too).
I guess, if you have to "get sick" better it's over a "good" reason than a "bad one".
I think that will dissipate.

 

[A-RON]

Male Perspective...

Hi Pandora,

Well I can tell you that being open and upfront about it can certainly place you into a derogatory standing with your date's parents, but that's from the male perspective. I think it also makes the other person feel like you just want to talk about you. Honestly though, if what you need at the moment is to talk about you, it's what you need. Maybe it was never meant to be. Maybe you'll be perfect together. Whatever will be will be. Just go with the flow. Don't force it. Oh yeah, and I'm quite unsuccessful at romantic relationships, so I wouldn't take my advice (but I think it sounded good).

Aaron

 

[pandora]

Even though the date went well and he wanted to take me out again, I decided not to pursue anything as my life is too hectic and physically I am not too good for anything right now..we still talk over facebook, a bit. I was proud of myself at even attempting to go and making it through without a panick attack!!!!

But.....friday night I was looking at another facebook friends profile, this is the woman my ex-husband just moved in with and is now engaged..all in the last 6 months. Anyway i saw that my friend had posted a message on her profile..I sent him a message asking how he knew her. It was his EX....my husband is living with his ex...now that is a small world!!!!!! Way too weird for words!!!

 

[fin]

Pandora, I think you were very brave to go. It is such a collossal step, and you took it. Be really proud of yourself, because when the time is right for you, you will be able to do it again.
YaY you girl!!

 

[midi]

Wow, that is weird! Well, you did it, and hey, baby steps are giant accomplishments!

Aye, Fin, you got a good point about bravery! I've had one short affair in nearly 4 years and boy, was I scared at first!

 

[fin]

hey midi....I have been alone now for nearly 8 years.

I still hope....but haven't found the bravery yet to get back out there at all.
I wonder if I leave it too long will I ever be able to.

I can still remember some things....like being held-gently, softly.
It is just too lonely. And I can't really imagine it being any different for me now.

Get back out there I say....be brave. YaY everybody

 

[Mariposa426]

Hi Pandora,
I guess I'm interested in how the dating experience progressed for you. It's been a while since your last post. It's a topic I am interested in because it seems I've been fairly successful at avoiding dating and relationships altogether. The stress, the anxiety, the fear all combined have prevented me from experiencing healthy and successful long term relationship. The anger that derives from my inability to trust and make an intimate connection with another eats away daily. I wake up angry. I go to sleep depressed. Last night, I accepted the invitation to go out on a date with a guy who is both interesting and fun. It was extremely difficult to 'show up' for the date but I am extremely proud of myself for doing so. The PTSD messages which are all negative.. seemed to be at bay for at least the duration of the date.. although I wasn't able to eat dinner.. more or less just pushing the food around, I was able to converse fairly naturally and finally the physical manifestations of this disease seemed to subside. At the end of the date, he asked me if he could take me out again sometime. The PTSD messages say that somehow I fooled him.. that he didn't notice that I am not worthy. This is about 24 hours later. I have been in a downward spiral ever since. He sent an email saying how nice it was to get to know me. The PTSD messages respond telling me that he is lying. It's an internal battle it seems. I wish it wasn't. I am proud of myself for going out finally.. But today, 24 hours later, I'm feeling terrible. If any one has any thoughts to share on this.. including Pandora.. I'd love to further discuss. Thanks.

 

[Deleted member 541]

HI and welcome to the forum....

It's mostly about telling those negative voices to shut up, and to turn them into positive ones. We are our worst enemies when it come to the negative voices, because we listen to them.....Others don't see us, as the negative voices scream at us, and yet it's those very voices that we allow to run our lives.

It's time to shut them off, and replace them with positive ones... A bit hard to do, but with patience, and effort it can be done.....

 

[Mariposa426]

Thank you She Cat for your reply.. and thanks for the welcome, that was sweet. I've been looking for some online PTSD for a while.. so it was great when i sort of stumbled across this site. Your advice is good advice.. and I thank you, although easier said than done as many PTSD sufferers might agree - the ability to drown out those loud negative msgs. My 'date' and I exchanged emails.. which seems he's still interested, but my stress response has kicked in and I find myself overeating.. I guess to numb my senses. I'm not feeling very well as a result. My 'date' will be out of town (a planned trip - which i knew about prior to our first date) for two weeks which buys me some time.. either to turn up the volume on the positive msgs in my brain.. or to talk myself out of ever seeing him again. Why is this so hard?!
Thanks,
Mari

 

[pandora]

sorry..I missed this post. I have spoken to him over the email..mostly ansered some medical questions about diabetes. He wanted to go out again and i told him I just have too much going on with my son, my pain levels and the decompression as well as a move in the near future. I do not want to start something that I know i do not have the emotional stregth for right now..he was quite understanding.