Need Support

[EvenStrongerNow]

So, I tried to take a different career path because I wasn't getting anywhere as a hair dresser. It was so unstable. Every job interview was like a damn cattle call and it was super competitive.

I tried getting into being a production assistant. I've done a few things.

I got some interviews. And then nothing. These are like easy jobs. M-F and stable. The interviews went so well too.

I feel discouraged. When that happens, I will go weeks before getting enough motivation to try again. I didn't used to be like this. I worked all the time since the age of 15. I always had a job, but I have never been at a job longer than 8 months in the past.

I live in Los Angeles. It's really tough. I've tried applying for different things, a wide variety of assistant type jobs. I never get interviews.

I guess I just need support. I start telling myself that I'm a lazy person and that I'm not good at life like other people. I watch my husband go to work every day. He makes lots of money! I feel like I suck.

 

[franciemarnie]

You can't compare yourself to other people. I know that's human nature, but it isn't a fair comparison unless they are your clone who went thru everything you have.

I know how it feels to be discouraged with jobs and life. We have to work with what we've got and who we are at any given moment.

You are a great person and no doubt talented who also has a sometimes debilitating disorder You're time will come I promise as long as you don't give up.

Take time to restore and when you're ready, try again. Be kind to yourself please.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

That sounds awesome! But, really? That's okay to do?

It's really hard to be kind to myself. A week ago, I was so motivated and I had gotten to a point where I was like, oh well. I'm just gonna put myself out there. I'm bound to get something. I got 2 interviews. And I was motivated to do the same this week so that if I didn't get a job out of those, maybe I could get more interviews to take the place of any discouragement that might result. This week....I have tried to put myself out there at all :/

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

What do we do with PTSD and work? Are there jobs I can get that are understanding about the disorder? *sigh*

 

[franciemarnie]

I know it can be hard to be kind to yourself. When I couldn't come up with positive self esteem or self talk, I would try to do things that were good for me - like resting when exhausted, eating well but also having a treat afterwards, watching a favorite movie. Anything to restore me because then I can think better.

The good thing about following your heart or doing what you are good at or passionate about is that it gives back energy and contributes to a sense of rightness about life.

That said, it took me a while to find a job that allowed me to do what I was good at. But the crummier jobs with low wages on the way there always taught me something, if only motivating me not to give up looking for the right fit. I enjoyed the work I ended doing although with PTSD, it was exhausting by week's end a lot. But doing the work I was good at gave me the energy I needed to sustain me M-F. No one ever knew I had PTSD. They just thought I was intense!

Where there's a will, there's usually a way, but not necessarily according to our preferred time lines.

 

[mamachick]

Yes, be kind to yourself. I know this is discouraging. I go through the same thing with almost everything in life, including jobs.
Before ptsd, I was never like this. I did not get discouraged so easily. I even asked my therapist if I could be bi-polar once and she said that I am not. I have no history of it.

I will get all motivated about a job, or selling my house, or anything. I will work really hard, stay positive for awhile, then bottom out. It takes me weeks to work up the motivation again. I do this with my house a lot. I get things in good order working hard for days, then I have a plumbing leak and the ceiling comes down, I just go to bed for weeks. It is part of ptsd.

You are likely seen as over qualified for some of those jobs. They think that you will take them and leave as soon as something better comes along. Its a delimma. You are worthwhile and we should not measure our worth by what we are paid. I know how you feel and am sorry. Allow yourself to heal for as long as it takes-rejection is tough.

 

[Candleflames]

The job market in So Cal is a hard one. We moved years ago because the jobs even being offered were so bad and then hundreds of people would apply for them.

Give yourself some props for landing the interviews you have gotten. That by itself is impressive. If you need time in between pushes then take it, just treat yourself well during that time. You'll get there.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

Thanks so much for relating to me. It means the world to me. In recent weeks, i have accepted PTSD. I have been able to remind myself of it now when I have bad days. Now I just have to work on believing that and you haha

It took me 3 years to accept PTSD. I kept forgetting about it for some reason! It is tough during the times when I forget because I am telling myself everything opposite of having PTSD. That's probably because subconsciously, even though I can now accept the diagnosis, maybe there is still a part of me that doesn't because accepting this as the new norm is terrifying!

I've never said this before to anyone.....but....I am terrified and feeling like my future is going to be cut short or something. Does anyone else feel like that? I used to be so full of life and dreaming constantly about all the things I am going to do, all the potential I have, etc.

And now, it seems bleak. Every once in awhile, I will have moments of clarity and my old self will pop out again, but it doesn't sustain. However, I must remember I am still processing. I have not talked about it all yet. I just started going to my T consistently even though I've been seeing her for 3 years.

It is just all so terrifying. I'm almost 30 and I want to have babies so badly. I somehow feel that I don't deserve to because my performance hasn't been worthy :(

 

[ashdawn8287]

Hey strongernow,

My dear, quit being so hard on yourself, I know how hard it is to not think those negative thoughts but counteract them with positive thoughts even if you don't believe them.

You will get work and it will come to you when it is suppose to. My grandpa (he work at State Farm human resources) always told me, "Applying and looking for a job is harder than the actual job." I always think that when I am trying to find work and can't.

For me and my PTSD it is a lot easier to do something you really really ENJOY to do. What are your passions? And almost 30 psssh that is the new 20!!!! You have more life experiences now then you ever have before. Use those life experiences and do something great for yourself.

Don't judge your performance based on other people. Yes YOU DO deserve to have children and have a career and life is weird but it always turns out good. Just keep your head high and do not blame yourself.

Also, what helps me is keeping myself busy (Not working yet but looking at jobs I enjoy) during the day. It sucks in the summer when I am not in class. So I do things for myself all day long. I like yoga, cleaning, walking and playing with my animals, reading, watching funny things or old tv shows, make a list of stuff to do to keep you busy and I agree with fm take it easy and be kind to yourself.

You are doing the best you can. DO NOT get hard on yourself for not getting the jobs you have already applied and interviewed for, just keep on looking and relax. :)

 

[franciemarnie]

Things will change as you process the trauma. The sense of a foreshortened future is a symptom of PTSD. I remember the feeling. Don't believe it! You do have a future and there is time for babies. People have them in their 40's too.

When we are younger, we have a lot of energy. PTSD didn't really begin to settle in big time for me until college tho the signs were there long before in retrospect.

But one thing at a time. Trying to imagine your future when feeling bleak and fatigued or contemplating the perceived lack of a future - tho natural - will get you nowhere.

Focus on healing. Be good to yourself.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

((((<3)))) all of you. Thanks so much.

 

[Candleflames]

So you think "I'm not even 30 yet" and I'll think "I'm not even 40 yet" instead of thinking "oh my gosh I'm almost..." Maybe that can get us out of thinking about the time that's gone. There's plenty of time for careers, children, vacations or more schooling. We'll get there.

It's possible to be a great mom even with PTSD. It just can take a little more effort. I have 3 amazing kids so it can be done. I however have not had a job in 16 years and didn't finish college. I'm working on changing that.

The changes each of us wants to make happen in our lives, as different as they are, can happen. Tell yourself that and then tell yourself again and again. Eventually you'll believe it and it will be true.