Supporter Never Felt So Lost.

[Whiteoleander555]

I'm a 32 yr old woman in love with and living with a combat ptsd sufferer. Over the last year I have built a life with the man that I have been in love with in years. We finally just went for and made the necessary moves to build this life. While I have known since we met that he struggled with ptsd, I have watched as he slowly and painfully deteriated before my eyes. I have done everything I could think of to provide him with the support and love that I thought would help him but I know it's getting worse and as he continues to spiral, I find it mentally wearing more and more on me.

We are living in a PTSD nightmare that continues to move in cycles of anger, isolation, silence, picking up the pieces, pretending nothing happened, moving on.... just to see it happen again. He was recently hit with two discouraging job disappointments and he has not been able to pull out of it. I have tried to keep calm and not make the situation worse but i'm only human and I can't always control how upsetting it is to me. I feel like I'm in throws of a full blown breakdown. It takes everything I have to just make it through the day. I know the demon isn't who he is, this is something that he struggles with more than I can ever understand but it kills me to watch him go through it.

I contacted the vet center here and got the information about both of us possibly seeking counseling both separate and together. I know I can't handle this anymore and I know we both need this. My biggest problem is trying to figure out how to bring this up to him and get him to agree to go. This weekend was a terrible one with me losing my mind and my cool. Now we aren't even speaking. He hates me and wants nothing to do with me. Because I lost my cool and blew up, I feel like I have ruined my chances of getting him to go to counseling.

HELP!

 

[Sarah_1990]

Hello! I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. I am also dealing with a man who has PTSD from combat. However, after a year and a half together, he has pushed me away completely. Saying things like "I am not in love with you anymore. I am too messed up to be with you or anyone. I'm not happy because I push away people who care about me. I am a mess and I do not deserve anyone's time." Now he does not speak to me at all after seeing me for the first time in a few months last weekend...

So I believe I am just as lost as you. I also believe I ruined my chances at getting him to seek counseling. Here is the thing that we both have to keep in mind, and it is not good to hear. They will not get help if they do not want to. We cannot force them. And that is the ugly truth. That is something that tears me apart from time to time...

I have given my veteran all the information I could possibly get so it would not be stressful on him to look for treatment options. We can only hope that they take that step for themselves.

Veterans are very prideful people...

 

[Whiteoleander555]

I just can't believe that after everything it took for us to finally come back together (long story), we are at our breaking point. I know that I cannot emotionally support him without getting some kind of help for myself.

 

[Sarah_1990]

You two have broken up in the past? Was it over his PTSD? If you do not wish to share, that is quite alright.

But I agree. It is very emotionally draining to ride this roller coaster for so long. I would definitely consider getting help as well. I know I might have to as well.

 

[Whiteoleander555]

No it wasn't like that. We met when were both working as contractors in Iraq. He had done his time then gone home and gotten out the army. After a year or so, he came to Iraq to work and we met, fell in love and worked there for about two years. at the end of two years, he went home and back to his life there. Four years later, after staying in contact, we decided that enough was enough of denying how much we should be together. So we got back together and he moved to where I live about 6 months later. It hasn't been easy with the cycles of isolation and being pushed away but like everyone else on here, I have tried to stick it out knowing that I don't want to give up on him and us.

 

[Sarah_1990]

What was the roughest time he pushed you away? And for how long? I apologize if these questions are intrusive.

 

[KP the nut]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

You are with good company here, great information and support. If you haven't already, check out the supporters section.

 

[Whiteoleander555]

Thanks! Sarah, there have been so many I don't think I could just pick one. I think the hardest is going through it now that we live together. Nothing is worse than feeling the most alone in the presence of the one you love the most.

 

[dms]

Welcome! We ALL feel your pain. I've now slowly moved on from my PTSD friend, for the sake of my own sanity. However, I will always love, miss and pray for the happy, generous, silly and down right hilarious man, I use to know. Who by the way, won't talk to me either because he hates me in his mind. I initially when into a deep dark depression. Please seek therapy and save yourself or you will sink too!

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum. :)

 

[cattsrangels2]

Hi Whiteoleander,

I am so sorry for what you are both experiencing. It sounds like you're a beautiful person. Be sure to take good care of yourself. Eat right, exercise for stress relief and get a good therapist to help you through this. Not all therapists are good at dealing with PTSD. Find one who is. It took me a long time to. I don't have a loved one with it. I have it myself. Best wishes to both of you. My prayers are with you

 

[intothelight]

Welcome to the PTSD Forum! :)