Never told anyone


You are right that it seems easier said than done.I have found that in this life,I have never been given anything.I always had to work hard to move forward.You must be patient,it won't turn around in a linear fashion.It took me 5 yrs of effort, and somewhere along the line I started to love myself again.Maybe it is for the first time in 56 yrs.That is the target one must reach,and once you finally get there,the healing can begin.You are worthy,and deserve it.
I just kind of feel like if I haven't been able to bring myself to live life in the first 39 years, what's the point?


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I made a decision that just maybe,I may be wrong in my assessment.It was that simple.And I was wrong.I am 56,so 20 or so good years are better than none,in this life.Think of how many people die before age 20?You may have 40 yrs left,it really depends on the path you choose.I still do things that give me pleasure, mostly by myself,but I am ok with that,for now anyway.I never meet anyone when I look for someone anyway.I am doing my best to not pin my happiness on anyone else anymore.Someone else cannot make you happy,if you yourself are very miserable.I fell for antiques,so I collect mid century objects,make art frames, have a 72 olds 442 conv every summer for 34 yrs.I learned how to do stained glass 2 yrs ago and am now making a cool lamp.I was where you are, and you still have lots of more time than me left to find happiness.Other than the car,I did it all in the last 20 years while I was sick.
If you have nothing to do to pass the time,your mind will torment you.Start small in any direction that YOU choose, you may surprise yourself.I hope it helps.