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Supporter New And Not Sure Where To Start...

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maggie1110

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My hubby was sexually abused when he was a child by his step-father. He told me about this around 21 years ago (we're going on 34 years married). Last June, he lost his job and has not been able to find employment since. This is when his symptoms surfaced and he could no longer keep them inside. Within 2 weeks of losing his job, our nephew killed himself which worsened his symptoms.

Having suffered depression myself due to chronic pain years ago, I thought he was just depressed because he couldn't find a job and the old abuse was just something that popped out because of the depression. Not true. He currently sees a therapist, has been diagnosed with PTSD, and is on Prozac. He does not like to take pills so he does not take them consistently at the same time daily. We are going to talk to the doc tomorrow about him getting off the meds to see if he will feel better since he thinks the meds are making him feel lousy ALL the time.

About a month ago, he passed out while cooking dinner and got second degree burns on his legs. Two weeks ago, he went on the roof and was checking out our chimney when he passed out and fell 20-25 feet, fracturing a rib in the process. The therapist and doc at the facility where he goes are concerned that there is a neurological problem in addition to the PTSD. I am on Medicaid and Medicare; he has no insurance. We have been to a doctor to begin finding out what additionally is going on with him. He is in the process of getting bloodwork done and getting an appointment to see a neurologist who will have to do an EEG. He fights me on the doc visits because we have no money, but we have to find out what's wrong with him.

In the meantime, I have been reading a book called Shock Waves which I have found very helpful, however, it isn't enough support. I feel very frustrated and angry at the situation, especially because he is sometimes mean/nasty, but mostly emotionally bombards me with a multitude of "stuff" on a daily basis. I have seen a therapist twice and we're going to set up visits every couple of weeks. I also want to find a local support group. My life is complete insanity. It's like I'm living the movie 50 First Dates because hubby can't remember from minute to minute or day to day what was said or what he/we are doing. Because he gets startled very easily, I have to be very careful when making any noise, coming into a room, or simply turning on a light. I have been very patient and supportive for nearly 9 months, but it's all wearing super thin at this point. Not sure what the heck I should be doing and I'm concerned what will happen when he comes off the pills since before the pills, he literally cried for hours and hours daily. He is in weekly therapy, but I don't think that's enough. He needs more, but I don't know what the "more" is. The mental health system is so broken, so I'm afraid that he won't get what he needs in a hospital, which he does NOT want to go into. I'm just lost and exhausted right now...
 
@maggie1110

It is hard to watch someone you love suffer. I am glad you found this place. Here there are plenty of people who can relate and support you in any way needed.
You can call me L.
I hope you find this place helpful and hope everything gets better for you.
 
I vowed to myself that I will not get into another relationship, because I am not up to it. I am a PTSD Sufferer, but also a PTSD Survivor. I have been through hell and back again with this thing, right now going through a med change. I hate those, as you get used to how you FEEL on one med, and then whammo, they switch meds on you for whatever reason, and suddenly you are acting all differently. I can totally relate to his not wanting to take the meds. I hate taking meds, but I know I feel worse yet without them, so I grudgingly take them.

One thing I have said many a time is that Meds can only take the edge off this thing, they never handle it totally. Therapy helps too, but again, it won't take care of all of it either. There are scars, wounds to deep to heal totally. I pray for peace of mind sometimes, and I ask God to take away my anxiety. He does when I ask, but as soon as I forget about God being with me and knowing what I am going through, it all rushes back in on me. Then I pray again and for a time it all goes away.

That may sound crazy, but don't knock it. It is better to not be alone with this monster in my mind. I cannot think of another way to describe it but to call it that. I feel like the little kid, afraid to let my daddy turn off the light(s) because the monster will creep out from under my bed and get me if he does turn them off. (Yes, I have always been afraid of the dark).

I've been in therapy for a dozen years or so and I still go, though not as often. I do have my therapist's email and home phone # too. I rarely call her, only once did I ever call her at home. She's OK with it, because she knows I am a responsible person and won't call her unless it is urgent.

There is no cure for PTSD the Drs. say, only treatment. You can be symptom free for years and then it rears its ugly head, usually during some kind of life crisis. I have one med I can take when things get really bad, but it is something I can take a smaller dose of to help me on other days. It also helps me to sleep. None the less, I do still have nightmares sometimes....
 
Welcome to the forum @maggie1110. We have a great supporter section, which is a great sanity-saver. It is nice to be able to talk to other people who know what it is like to love somebody with PTSD.

Have you read The Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Relationship: How To Support Your Partner and Keep Your Relationship Healthy by Diane England? It is a great starter book for PTSD supporters. It has sections on communications and conflict resolution, which I found really helpful. It's been dubbed "The Bible" in the supporter section.

I just ordered Shock Waves... you're like the third person who has mentioned that book. Time to check it out myself. :)
 
@maggie1110 Welcome to the forum!

Losing consciousness is serious and it is good that he is seeing a doctor. It is important to treat both the physical and the psychological as we are all human and one is not separate from the other. I hope they find the source and your husband finds recovery in all areas.
 
Thanks for your responses everyone! @Sweetpea76, I ordered the book you listed. I'm hoping it will have lots of info that Shock Waves doesn't have. My goal this week is to join a PTSD caregivers type of support group. I'm hoping maybe we can get him into a neurologist more quickly than the end of this month. The disorientation, slurred speech and memory problems are huge problems that don't make the PTSD any better.

On another note, we got a call from the doc's office about the Prozac and anti-anxiety meds he's on and they said he can just stop taking them cold turkey. Since he already took the meds today, he won't take anything tomorrow. I'm sure I'll be able to see a difference in him by the end of the week if there is one. The medical end of things is more concerning to me at this point as it could be mini strokes, Parkinson's, dementia... who knows?? He needs to see a neurologist asap.
 
@maggie1110 , you may want to look into conversion disorder as well. I pass out as well and it does not have an organic cause. It is caused by my PTSD. Not sure if this is helpful or not but thought I might mention it.
 
@shimmerz, not only is he passing out, but he also has slurred speech, memory loss, disorientation, and tremors. Are you affected by any of these? We're still waiting to get an appointment with a neurologist to make sure there isn't anything medical going on. Thanks!
 
Welcome to the forum.

I think each persons symptoms are a little different. Memory loss as in long term or short term? My short term memory is horrible. I used to disassociate a lot wich could cause disorientation I have body tremmors as I hold a lot of my trauma in my body.

I am glad he is going to see a Dr. One needs to seperate out what is medical and what is psychosomatic

I hope it all goes well and how scary for both of you.

Please remember to tale care of yourself during this time.
 
@maggie1110 , I did all of the above except slur my speech. I would be mute. I agree that its very important to make certain no physical issues occur. If nothing is found, I wanted to point out that these things can occur with PTSD co-morbid issues.
 
@shimmerz, thanks! I'm "glad" to know this could all be related to the PTSD. We'll see what the tests show once he even gets an appt...

@Nighthawk, thank you for your input as well. This really does help me to know it could all be the PTSD. The memory loss has only happened in the past few months. I have to tell him what we're doing about every 10 minutes. Same thing with things we've completed like dinner. 15 minutes afterwards he doesn't even remember that we ate at all. Very frustrating... As far as the tremors go, this is not new. He's been shaky for about 10 years now. It's just getting worse. I'm looking for other forms of treatment for him because I just don't think 50 minutes once a week with a therapist is enough for him. My life is pretty much a living hell for the rest of the week with an occasional good day thrown in here and there (very infrequently). Taking care of myself is much harder than I thought it would be. Although this group has tons to offer and makes for a wonderful outlet, I really am more of a face to face interaction type of person. I'm having such a hard time finding local support groups for PTSD caregivers/supporters. I'm involved with different hobbies (making cards, painting, quilting, sewing, etc) so that keeps me busy at times, but I can't do them all the time because I'm so exhausted from all this stuff.
 
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