General New At This And Learning....

[Veteransgirl08]

Hello all :) This is my first post and Im not sure where to start. I want to keep this brief, but hopefully you can enlighten me on what is happening in my life. I met and fell in love with a Vietnam Veteran. He is a wonderful man and treats me like a queen. When we met, our life together was romantic ( in all aspects) After about 5 months it was like a light switch went off. Everything came to a screeching halt. The tenderness was still there but that was about it.

He was reluctant to talk about what he was feeling but did share that he suffers from seasonal depression. He has been through the program and has been on antidepressants for over a year. Drinking has been common place in our home. He feels he doesnt deserve me or love in his life.

We live together and I have assured him that Im not going anywhere. He is without doubt the love of my life and I just dont know how to help or what to do. I have been giving him his space and maintaining a loving attitude, which is an easy thing to do. We arent kids and have seen enough life to be realistic about pretty much everything lol I have gently encouraged him to get back into support. Does this happen often and does it pass? I miss him terribly. We have been together for almost a year.

Any advice or suggestions will be truly appreciated! Thank you :)

 

[Nonie]

Hi Veteransgirl, Welcome...

I was in a relationship with my bf who is also a vet; Iraq and Afghanistan. All i can tell you is that it takes a lot of time and patience with your vet. Learn has much as you can about ptsd, and hopefully it'll give you some great insight on what it's like for our vets.

I've known/dated my ex since 4 years ago...it's been a tough road, and still been tough. We broke up last year, on my call. I thought we needed time apart, and no added pressure of a commitment. He knows i'm still here for him though.

Let him know you're there for him, and show your support. Don't smother him, and don't push him to do anything. This is something they must choose to do on their own time. When the pressure builds up, they push us further away. I think you're doing good by giving him space and letting him know you're there for him.

 

[Shoka]

Hello Veteransgirl,

I just wanted to offer a little insight on Seasonal Depression, which I have been diagnosed with. Try getting a "Light Box". I used one for the first time this winter and it was a HUGE help. It was much better and more preferred than the wellbutrin I had been on the winter before. Also, any time outside during the winter is better than 100% time inside.

I always try to schedule a few trips into warmer, sunnier weather in the winter, it usually gives me the extra boost I need to get through. Cutting way back on alcohol consumption is huge during those darker months too. Also he could ask his doctor to check to see if he has a vitamin D defieciency. I will be looking into that this winter as I will have a new baby at that time and may not be able to sneak away to a sunny beach like I used to.

Hopefully, on the seasonal depression end of things you will see a return to his more energetic positive self as the sun returns to your section of the world. What you describe does sound alot like SAD (Seasonal affective Disorder). Read all you can about it and for sure, stay on this forum to read about PTSD.

Shoka

 

[Vickym]

Hi veterangirl08,

This happens my bf and I have been together for 1 year and 9 months now. Like you things were amazing the best ever. They love like no other is how i like to put it. Just like with you one day the switch went off.

You will have great days because the are great and you will have nasty awful days. This is very common. The best thing for you would be to get into a support group at a Va see if he can get you in it will be free since you are his care giver.

Best of luck!

 

[Nicolette]

Hi Veteransgirl

What you write about is somewhat common and if you read through the Carers section you will identify with what has been written by others.

The cruel reality of PTSD is that while you can support a Sufferer they themselves are the only ones who can change their situation.

I would strongly recommend trying to get your boyfriend to go and get help in the form of a psychiatrist or therapist...someone who he can talk to and feel safe enough to process his trauma with.

For yourself, I would read as much as possible to learn about what you are dealing with and I would also make sure you took good care of your self.