New Here And Just Trying To Get Through Each Day

[LilyOfTheValley]

Hi,

I finally hit the proverbial wall about a month ago and knew I could not "handle" my thoughts and feelings anymore. I did something I should have done years ago and made an appointment with a psychologist. Last week he refined his diagnosis to Complex PTSD. He told me that it is not officially recognized, but he has seen it before. It helps to have a name for this insanity I feel like I've been dealing with for so long (at least since I was a teenager, if not earlier) that I can't even remember what "normal" is.

I can't talk about the series of events that got me to this point yet, so please don't ask.

I'm here because the days between my weekly sessions seem like an eternity and I need to do something to help myself. I break every day down into a dozen or so milestones. I focus on just getting to each one (get up, get ready for work, drive to work, park, walk into work, etc.) and once I achieve that milestone, I focus on the next. I can't get myself to do anything beyond the basic necessities anymore. Thankfully I at least still have my job, although it is becoming increasingly difficult for me to function there as well. I feel like I am not living at all, just getting through.

I am paranoid about posting anything on the Internet, but I know I need to do this. The chronic anxiety is probably the worst part of PTSD for me, so please be careful in any responses until I get more comfortable around here.

-M

 

[tryintobreathe]

M,

Welcome to the forum. This is an excellent place for information and support. There are some great people here.

Jen

 

[Clydiechick]

Welcome

You are safe here, you don't need to be paranoid. We are all very supportive.

I am glad you have been diagnosed, no you can move forward. One step at a time is the only way to go.

Have a look around, I hope you find comfort here.

Clydie

 

[Deleted member 541]

Welcome to the forum......There is no need to post *your story* at any one time. You do it when you feel safe enough to... No pressure here, take your time. I suggest that you read what the forum offers, and then ask questions if you need....

 

[Boxersgalore]

Hi M,
I'm also new here and I feel your pain. Welcome.

K

 

[reallydown]

Welcome to the forum, M! No worries and no pressure. I was very hesitant to post anything here at the beginning, and to a degree, I still am. Even without posting anything, there is so much good info here. Take care, RD

 

[LilyOfTheValley]

Thank you all for the kind welcome.

I have been reading a lot on the forum today and it has been very helpful. I was struggling to comprehend the "Complex" part of PTSD. I read other sites and it was like it was just words - like I couldn't process what they actually meant. Then I came back here and read some of the threads on Complex PTSD. Someone (sorry I can't remember who at the moment) spelled it out in very simple terms. It completely clicked then for me. My traumas started when I was 10 and I have always been obsessed with what is "normal". I question every thought and action I have because I don't know if they are normal.

It was quite the wow moment, but it also scared the hell out of me. :(

I've given myself some time to come down from the panic that realization invoked. The more I learn about PTSD (and now CPTSD), the more things are starting to make so much sense to me. But, it scares me so much. It's like I feel like if all of the PTSD crap is removed from me, that there is really nothing left. It defines me- not in a way I want to be defined, but in the only way I know.

 

[anni]

Hi,

Yes, the anxiety is horrible. It does get easier to keep logging in, somehow, as time goes by.

I haven't been here all that long. It's only been since October, I think, but still haven't posted my 'story'. That's a process of healing for oneself, not a requirement for the forum. It's also what you wish, so if it's giving you anxiety, take it off your list of things-you-feel-you-must-do. That way perhaps your experience here for now will be just whatever gives you enough peace to continue your healing at this moment. The rest will come when and if it does.

Take care,

Anni

 

[gdf]

Greetings and welcome.

This is a well run, safe form with little pressure to tell your story. I joined in October last year and am just recently telling my story. You'll know when the time feels right.

Gina

 

[suzie q]

Glad you found the forum!!

What I like most about this site is that there many great articles about PTSD &CPTSD. Knowing what the problem is helped me tremendously by reducing my anxiety. Can't fight something that's invisible, right?

I hear what you are saying about not knowing what will be left once you work on the PTSD. My experiences gave me the answer of "a stronger and more educated ME."

I also wanted to find out what normal was!! I've found there really is no "normal". When we feel comfortable and serene about our current life, then that's our normal.

No one will push you to do anything on the forum you don't feel OK about. The only thing they ask is that we follow the rules and be honest. No one will judge or criticize you in anything you share as long as you stay real! See ya around...suzie q

 

[FightingLily]

Hello,
I am glad you found this forum. This is an insightful and safe place. Welcome!
FL