Mlle. Victoria
New Here
Hi everyone! I've been lurking around these forums for quite some time but I've never really gotten the courage to join until recently. I'll try my best to be brief, as I tend to ramble a lot. So, a little about me. . .
I was surprised when my psychiatrist diagnosed with "mild PTSD" three years ago from bullying I suffered when I was in middle school (the gifted/talented dorky kid trying to fit in with the "popular crowd" resulted in some real ugliness). I knew I was suffering from serious depression (as an only child, transitioning to college was EXTREMELY difficult), but I never thought I'd hear those four letters come from her mouth. But, that's just when I got the official diagnosis; who knows how long I've actually had PTSD. Though, the more I learned about it, the more I realized it really fit. It was my Intro to Psychology class that gave me the courage to go to therapy to begin with. I went and got EMDR from a therapist in town as I was starting to spiral into agoraphobia, almost starting to look like OCD, and I desperately wanted to avoid it. I thought I was better when I was able to drive again and go outside without fearing being killed or harassed in any number of ways. . unfortunately, I had no idea.
And I tell you, it may be "mild" as I'm able to function quite in really, really uncomfortable situations, but it's still managed to screw my life up pretty good, and I never ever realized it until my last quarter in college when I took Intro to Abnormal Psychology (I owe that professor a lot). One day we watched a video about trauma narratives and although the actress's trauma was nothing like my own, it opened up a can of worms that I never expected. I've suddenly realized how I've lived with PTSD for so long that I've come to cope with it quite well, to the point of almost being normal. Except relationships -- and feeling lonely, rejected, unloveable, etc. just happens to be one of my biggest triggers; it's really a vicious, self-reinforcing cycle I've been dealing with for almost 10 years.
Anyway, I said I'd be brief so I'll wrap up. I've been having a rough time lately. I'm too scared to go to therapy even though I totally realize I need to do so (not to mention I won't have insurance anymore starting Sunday). The person I know as "Victoria" is so deeply rooted in this PTSD, having been traumatized/gone undiagnosed during some of THE most formative years of my life, that I'm not sure who I would be if I dealt with it. I hope this form will be of some help, as you all seem so compassionate and understanding.
So yeah. Thanks <3
I was surprised when my psychiatrist diagnosed with "mild PTSD" three years ago from bullying I suffered when I was in middle school (the gifted/talented dorky kid trying to fit in with the "popular crowd" resulted in some real ugliness). I knew I was suffering from serious depression (as an only child, transitioning to college was EXTREMELY difficult), but I never thought I'd hear those four letters come from her mouth. But, that's just when I got the official diagnosis; who knows how long I've actually had PTSD. Though, the more I learned about it, the more I realized it really fit. It was my Intro to Psychology class that gave me the courage to go to therapy to begin with. I went and got EMDR from a therapist in town as I was starting to spiral into agoraphobia, almost starting to look like OCD, and I desperately wanted to avoid it. I thought I was better when I was able to drive again and go outside without fearing being killed or harassed in any number of ways. . unfortunately, I had no idea.
And I tell you, it may be "mild" as I'm able to function quite in really, really uncomfortable situations, but it's still managed to screw my life up pretty good, and I never ever realized it until my last quarter in college when I took Intro to Abnormal Psychology (I owe that professor a lot). One day we watched a video about trauma narratives and although the actress's trauma was nothing like my own, it opened up a can of worms that I never expected. I've suddenly realized how I've lived with PTSD for so long that I've come to cope with it quite well, to the point of almost being normal. Except relationships -- and feeling lonely, rejected, unloveable, etc. just happens to be one of my biggest triggers; it's really a vicious, self-reinforcing cycle I've been dealing with for almost 10 years.
Anyway, I said I'd be brief so I'll wrap up. I've been having a rough time lately. I'm too scared to go to therapy even though I totally realize I need to do so (not to mention I won't have insurance anymore starting Sunday). The person I know as "Victoria" is so deeply rooted in this PTSD, having been traumatized/gone undiagnosed during some of THE most formative years of my life, that I'm not sure who I would be if I dealt with it. I hope this form will be of some help, as you all seem so compassionate and understanding.
So yeah. Thanks <3
