New Here, First Ptsd Relationship

[Pofene]

Hello All,

I never post on forums, and don't even know if this will help. But I literally have no one that can understand what is happening. I just recently started dating a combat vet. He is now 34, and was in the Military from 18-22 years old. He has been out a while now. First time I have ever dated anyone in the military and he has PTSD, depression and is a recovering alcoholic. When I first met him, he mentioned he had PTSD and a head injury from "being blown up" a few times. He made it sound like it was nothing that wasn't under control and everything was all good. He is also a counselor for other combat vets that are going through PTSD, so alot of people look up to him. So i figured all was good.

We have been dating only about 3 months but he was the most caring affectionate guy and really got me to let my walls down very quickly. He would literally text first thing in the morning, and check in until bed time. We would also hang out all the time, and he was respectful and wanted to wait for being intimate because he wanted it to be special.

Up until a few days before this started, he was loving and affectionate and told me all the time i was what he wanted. Then one nigh he mentioned that he was starting to feel agitated, and having bad vivid dreams, and a few days later told me he decided to stop taking his medication (paxil) He said he was only on a low dose, so he was just going to stop cold turkey. He has a therapist and a doctor that he goes to regularly, so i was surprised he wasnt going to talk to them first about how to stop. I told him he should be weening off Paxil, but he said he knew what he was doing.

Cut to a few days later... He started acting different. No morning text and when i checked in later that afternoon, he had said that he was feeling off since he stopped his meds, but that we were fine and nothing was wrong with us. I tried to understand and give him space, but when i didn't hear from him at all the next night, i reached out and when i did , i mentioned that i was upset and he hung up on me and blocked me on his phone immediately! From that moment on, it has been hell. He has completely shut me out. I wrote him on facebook just asking for a simple answer if he didnt want to be with me. He read it, but didnt respond. I am currently blocked on every aspect of social media. Facebook, instagram, his phone, and he even blocked me in Linkedin. I finally got ahold of him a few days ago, and he said he is emotionally numb. Wouldn't give me any other explanation. He also told me i wasnt crazy but that he has to deal with this alone.
The next day, i was able to google his instagram and he posted a photo of him in his room that i could tell a girl in his bed took. I called him and he lied and said it was an old picture when i know it isnt.

Is this normal PTSD behavior or is this him just lying to me to get me out of his life??? or is he drinking again??

 

[Uvu]

Instagramming bedroom pics? That's not all that classy. If he's with another woman then I'd let this guy go. I guess it's not cheating because he told you he wanted to be alone, but jumping into something with another woman is a reflection of his character, not PTSD.

This is not normal PTSD behavior. We aren't on whole bed hoppers who jump from partner to partner when symptoms flare. If anything, on whole, we jump because we want to be alone. We aren't typically jumping to another.

 

[Puseku]

Instagramming bedroom pics? That's not all that classy. If he's with another woman then I'd let this guy go. I guess it's...

Thanks, I guess I had a feeling he was lying about his Condition being the reason he left me out of nowhere. Sounds like I was right.

 

[Ehuj]

If you go through the forum for supporters and read all the posts by women newly involved with combat vets with PTSD, this story is basically identical. I mean, there must be millions of this exact same post on this forum, just by different people, all dealing with the same situation. Is this normal for PTSD? No. But it is typical for men who use PTSD as an excuse for crappy behavior. Three months is not a very long time at all, to be fair, and even if he seemed affectionate and caring and texted you routinely, that doesn't mean he was really devoted or ready for a serious relationship. This is probably not something you want to hear, but I have known quite a few combat vets with PTSD who would constantly start new romances and feed the woman a bunch of nonsense, all just to have the fantasy and escape. Then after a couple months they'd move on to some other woman and do the same thing. Sure, there are probably some insecurity issues and fear of commitment involved, but that shouldn't excuse it. You should move on.

 

[Fedum]

If you go through the forum for supporters and read all the posts by women newly involved with combat vets with PTSD, thi...

Thanks for the reply. You don't think him getting off his meds has anything to do with it?

 

[Sanamu]

I think his decision to go off his meds was a sign that his behavior was about to change, and possibly a sign that he wasn't thinking rationally, but i don't think going off the meds itself could have altered his behavior this much. Put it this way, going off the meds wasn't the cause, it was a sign or symptom of something already brewing. I've gone off meds and it tends to cause anxiety and depression, but certainly doesn't make you block someone on all social media, act hostile and jump in bed with someone new. It's more likely he was already veering down that road when he decided to scrap the meds (otherwise he would've been more responsible about it). How long had he been on the meds?

 

[Nudavor]

I think his decision to go off his meds was a sign that his behavior was about to change, and possibly a sign that he w...

He had been on them about 6 months - but been a "survivor" of PTSD for years. He counsels other combat vets himself.
When I asked him on the phone when I finally did get ahold of him if he still cared about me he said "I don't even care about myself right now so if I said yes , that would be a huge red flag" - such a different person.

 

[Katori]

Well, my bet is that he's drinking again, but I don't think it had anything to do with the medication. Seems pretty likely that he relapsed and drank, which is probably what caused the bad dreams and agitation. And yeah, the rest of what you describe sounds more like an alcoholic who's fallen off the wagon than anything else. (Trust me, I'm in recovery myself and spent years in a relationship with an alcoholic). For an alcoholic, drinking even just once while in recovery can pretty seriously alter brain chemistry and cause a return to self-destructive behaviors. BUT that doesn't excuse him, and I would caution you against falling into the trap of thinking he is some poor wounded animal that needs saving. He made his own decision(s) here, as an adult, and he's made it pretty clear he wants to be alone. If I were you, I'd just be thankful that I only wasted three months on him and was able to get out before the relationship became too unhealthy.

 

[Temub]

Well, my bet is that he's drinking again, but I don't think it had anything to do with the medication. Seems pretty lik...

Thank you. It's a shame. He was the first guy to get me to let my guard down in a few years. But again your thoughts sound about right.

 

[Daru]

I'm a guy girl has PTSD and identical to what happened with me

 

[Unopu]

I'm a guy girl has PTSD and identical to what happened with me

What happened?? Ya I'm still struggling pretty bad

 

[Webe]

What happened?? Ya I'm still struggling pretty bad

Me and my friend were talking and texting and for a month and a half got super close as I say closer than close. We shared "emotional intimacy". One day she told me she was raped and has ptsd. After that text she became more distant day by day than all of the sudden she needed space and would lash out. She got rid of me on social media sites and wasn't happy at all. She also sees no help and doesn't manage her ptsd at all which makes me to be the villan.

Would say that what you are going through is normal ptsd behaviror on his part.