Relationship New Here: Help/ Advice Please!!

[Dinanite]

Hi guys,

Just looking for some advice/wisdom from any sufferers or carers with insight. I’ll need to explain a bit first though.

My girlfriend for the last 9months has both Depression and Complex-PSTD, from what I could gather at first it was only depression, so I focused my efforts on understanding that but its only now I’ve realised that her depression is only a branch off from the real problem C-PSTD.

She had been taking anti-depressants when we met and then after about 3 months wanted to come off them so we both agreed it was the best thing for her as we thought they were giving her bad side effects ( I know now it was c-pstd) After coming off the antidepressants she got worse and now I realise she’s currently going through uncontrolled depression and c-ptsd as she isn’t in therapy, which I’ve gathered is a very bad idea.

Alot has gone on, she had a bad car crash at Christmas, left an abusive relationship for me (they had been together 5yrs – it was a very abusive relationship/emotionally) then out of the blue she just left in March, her family had giving her lots of stress. Her friends didn’t want me with her as a close friend of theirs had interest (they (she and this guy) had a similar jaw operation which had caused her lots of issues/big root to her problem overall). He had his operation over the Christmas and I fully encouraged her to become friends with him as I felt it would benefit them both. He was trying to get with her etc, etc, I’m guessing you guys know where this is going to go.

I know it was easy for her to get close to him as he had the same jaw operation but I feel it’s just an avoidance/denial coping mechanism. Her family have no interest in her problems of depression and c-pstd. They dismiss and do nothing about it, she’s not told this guy about the c-ptsd/wont have an episode infront of him and from what I’ve been told he is very very simple minded (lower mental age than his own and not very intelligent). Her friends don’t know about her c-pstd and don’t understand/support her depression they just leave her too it. It’s been very difficult to deal with this and be constantly made out to be the bad guy but having found this site only two days ago the picture has immediately become clear (triggers, anger, mood swings, avoidance, running away, external relationships, etc).

So given the background is this serious denial, she isn’t seeing a councillor or taking medication and seems to think just regulating her lifestyle will do the trick. She has no idea this is a life condition.

I have no idea whether to confront her with this as she seems to have absolutely no idea what she’s dealing with.

· Should I try make her realise what c-ptsd is?

· Can anyone tell me the difference between c-pstd and pstd?

· Is c-pstd more severe than pstd or just a different form?

· Is denial/avoidance very common?

· Has anyone had experience where the sufferer has turned to someone else as a coping mechanism?

· What treatment is available apart from medication and how long does it take?

Sorry for the extremely long post, I’ve only seen the bigger picture in the last day or so!!

 

[Deaf Global Nomad]

Hi Dinanite,

It is possible that your girlfriend has PTSD or even C-PTSD. Obviously you really care about your girlfriend and understandably you are trying to figure all of this out for her. Denial of the real issues, especially the traumatic cause of it, can definitely be a characteristic of PTSD or C-PTSD. So confronting everything that you have learned may actually do more harm than good. Does she realize that she is struggling with something? If she does, would she be willing to see a professional to diagnose and possibly treat her? Maybe you could accompany her if she feels safer having you take her.

Take a look at Anthony's write-up of PTSD and C-PTSD, including the professional debate going on. Anthony's write-up under the wiki section on the site summarizes the issue quite well.

If your girlfriend indeed has PTSD or C-PTSD trauma therapy is very helpful, and may be necessary. However, having it forced/suggested when you're not ready, it might be counterproductive.

The length of treatment depends on a number of factors, including how severe the PTSD and C-PTSD is, the type of treatment, how open the person is to treatment, what the trauma is or traumas are, how able your girlfriend is to confront her traumas, etc... I have been in therapy most of my life, as a kid and as an adult. Only now that I feel safe am I able to discuss certain issues at all, let alone in detail. Treatment per se can be quite the roller coaster ride.

I hope this helps at least a little...

Take care!

 

[Froggie]

Hello Dinanite,

Deaf Global Nomad pretty well summed up your questionning. One thing for sure is that carers/supporters ALSO have to take care of themselves as they can loose who they are while just axing on the sufferer. As for me (sufferer) it took medication and therapy. Every person is different and sometimes there has to be some change or modification in the medication to get some decent results. As for now, 2011, there is no cure. The best one can hope is that with therapy + meds, one can come to have sufficiant coping ressources and regain some empowerment in their lives.

You might suggest your Gf to visit this forum under a pseudo name. This may make her more comfortable and better understand what she is feeling and living. Whatever you do, do not push a PTSDer into something as they will revert to a flight mecanisme and push that person out of their lives.

 

[Dinanite]

Thanks for the info guys!!

Just to clear up, yes she has already been diagnosed with depression and C-PTSD, this was over a year ago after surgery on her jaw to correct an overbite and protruding jawline. Afterwards she had a breakdown and was diagnosed with post-operative traumatic stress or something which led to the C-PTSD.

I think considering she has done no research on the illness, not seen a councillor since her initial diagnosis and has no full idea the extent of her C-PTSD bringing it all to light at once may prove both unsuccessful and like Froggie mentioned this most likely will result in a flight mechanism response.

I think maybe suggesting therapy may be the best approach at this stage as I’ve already found one locally. But I should probably approach with care (I now fully understand the whole walking on eggshells concept).

In terms of introducing her to this website I think it would be detrimental to her, she’d probably go right off the deep-end if she knew the full extent of it, its only now looking back I realise all the times she was having dissociation episodes, being triggered by certain films or topics of discussion, stress filled events
.
Thanks for the input guys, anything is greatly appreciated!!!!

Any advice in forming boundaries without provoking a stress response in terms of how much I’m willing to take abuse-wise. Up until now I’ve actually been taking a hammering but not made much of a fuss as I knew why and understood so I just said nothing and let it go. I don’t know how I should bring this to light, her behaviour and how much of it is controlled by this (80% IMO). How do sufferers generally come to the realisation of what the illness is? Is it a gradual realisation over time or just like someone switching the light on?

Also, is blame a common thing within a relationship, whereby she continually/frequently blames me for her stress despite it having nothing to do with me?

 

[Nicolette]

Wow Dinanite... .I had to look up your details as it sounded like you were talking about my sister.

All of what this person is doing is common for uncontrolled PTSD. Things generally only change once they reach a point of acceptance and desire to be better.

I would suggest if you are looking for advice re boundaries to read the sticky threads at the top of each supporter section which are relevant.

Good luck.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

God bless you, and the love you have for your GF! She is a lucky woman, and hopefully she will somehow see that she needs help. Show her unconditional love, and moral support, but don't let yourself get physically injured! If she believes in prayer, pray with and for her!
Blessings & Prayers sent your way!