Hey there. I am a 37 year old Army veteran who suffers from PTSD. My story is complicated and hard to tell (as I am sure most of yours are as well) but I will do my best.
I was "officially" diagnosed with PTSD in Oct 2014. However I have since discovered (by requesting my Military Medical Records) that I was actually diagnosed in 1999 following a horrific car accident that myself and a fellow Military Police officer both witnessed first hand and worked. The abbreviated version of the story is that we were off duty, headed to a bar late one night to pick up a fellow soldier who had drank too much. We witnessed a car on the highway in front of us get struck by another car traveling the wrong direction on the divided highway (drunk driver). We were first in the scene and it was probably the most destructive accident I have ever encountered. The level of human injury was unreal and by the end, I found myself giving CPR to a trapped driver, who ultimately was revived, only to have the car burst into flames while he was trapped in the car. I was unable to free him and he burned alive. After days of not being able to sleep, I sought help from an army counselor, was given Ambien and sent on my way. Fast forward 15 years, I sought help for recurring nightmares and inability to adapt well to life in general and was privately diagnosed with PTSD. After requesting my records, I discovered that I was diagnosed at the time of the accident with PTSD by the Army, but it was never followed up on.
Prior to my time in the Army, I was abused (physically) as a child by my step father. I am sure that this is also a contributing factor.
In the years since my military service, I have found that I have had a difficult time socially interacting and trusting people. This has led to multiple (over 40) job changes and a failed marriage.
I feel alone and directionless. Most of the people on my life have since written me off. I am very unsure how to proceed and how to begin rebuilding a life. My depression deepens as time goes by, and I seem to withdrawal from regular life only to make my situation worse and worsen my depression and anxiety.
Although I can evaluate myself and see the patterns of behavior and feelings, I feel powerless to change it. And it seems the more I fight the feelings of distrust, guilt, and loneliness, the worse they become.
Thank you for taking the time to read this brief introduction. I hope that by reading your stories and interacting with some of you I will be able to gain a little more understanding and possibly find some direction.
I was "officially" diagnosed with PTSD in Oct 2014. However I have since discovered (by requesting my Military Medical Records) that I was actually diagnosed in 1999 following a horrific car accident that myself and a fellow Military Police officer both witnessed first hand and worked. The abbreviated version of the story is that we were off duty, headed to a bar late one night to pick up a fellow soldier who had drank too much. We witnessed a car on the highway in front of us get struck by another car traveling the wrong direction on the divided highway (drunk driver). We were first in the scene and it was probably the most destructive accident I have ever encountered. The level of human injury was unreal and by the end, I found myself giving CPR to a trapped driver, who ultimately was revived, only to have the car burst into flames while he was trapped in the car. I was unable to free him and he burned alive. After days of not being able to sleep, I sought help from an army counselor, was given Ambien and sent on my way. Fast forward 15 years, I sought help for recurring nightmares and inability to adapt well to life in general and was privately diagnosed with PTSD. After requesting my records, I discovered that I was diagnosed at the time of the accident with PTSD by the Army, but it was never followed up on.
Prior to my time in the Army, I was abused (physically) as a child by my step father. I am sure that this is also a contributing factor.
In the years since my military service, I have found that I have had a difficult time socially interacting and trusting people. This has led to multiple (over 40) job changes and a failed marriage.
I feel alone and directionless. Most of the people on my life have since written me off. I am very unsure how to proceed and how to begin rebuilding a life. My depression deepens as time goes by, and I seem to withdrawal from regular life only to make my situation worse and worsen my depression and anxiety.
Although I can evaluate myself and see the patterns of behavior and feelings, I feel powerless to change it. And it seems the more I fight the feelings of distrust, guilt, and loneliness, the worse they become.
Thank you for taking the time to read this brief introduction. I hope that by reading your stories and interacting with some of you I will be able to gain a little more understanding and possibly find some direction.
