Sufferer New here, struggling and lost on what to do

[RTRDoc]

Hey all, new to the platform.
Generally pretty cautious posting stuff on the internet so I won't get super in to detail but years ago I survived a murder attempt following the death of a close friend. Fell way off the deep end, spent a couple years living a life I can't imagine now.

I'm in my early 20s now, and have spent the last couple years building something approximating a normal life for myself In large part thanks to the help of some very good people. For the most part I'd say I'm generally pretty well adjusted, but stuff still gets overwhelming sometimes.

Was seeing a therapist again until relatively recently. Just seemed like that relationship had played itself through to the end, last couple sessions felt like walking in circles. Still do not do well with sudden loud noises but for the most part I can get myself grounded pretty quick now. Don't really have panic attacks during the day anymore, but every once in a while It's like the weight of everything comes crashing down on me all at once out of nowhere. Will be at work or otherwise just going about my day as normal and suddenly have to stop what I'm doing and find somewhere private to cry for a little bit and pull myself back together. Not super frequent any more but it still happens and I wish it didn't.

Sleep is a thing I still have a questionable relationship with, and it seems to get substantially worse when I'm generally stressed about stuff. This last week as a whole has been rough, last couple nights specifically have been hell. Almost 4:30am here. Slept maybe 3 hours, typical nightmare, woke up to an insane panic attack and spent the time since getting my bearings back, bawling my eyes out in the shower, and now laying here writing this.

Feel like I'm loosing my mind sometimes. Get the impression that people generally think of me as a relatively capable person and I'm terrified of what my family and friends would think if they saw me like this.
Have heard that this isn't a permanent thing a million times but it really doesn't feel like that. Guess I don't really know what I'm looking for here but if anyone has any advice it'd be much appreciated
Hope yall are well

 

[Riley Jones]

Welcome to the community. Thank you for reaching out and sharing a part of your story with us. It takes courage to open up about your experiences, especially when it comes to trauma. It's clear that you've been through a lot and have made significant progress in rebuilding your life.

It's okay to feel overwhelmed at times, even as you're working on healing and moving forward. Healing from trauma is a journey, and there can be ups and downs along the way. The fact that you're seeking support and reaching out shows strength and resilience.

It's understandable that you're feeling the weight of everything crashing down on you at times, especially when triggered by sudden loud noises or experiencing nightmares and panic attacks. These reactions are common for individuals who have been through traumatic experiences. It's important to remember that healing isn't a linear process, and it's okay to have moments where everything feels overwhelming.

I'm sorry to hear that your recent therapy sessions felt like they weren't as helpful as before. It might be worth considering seeking out a new therapist who specializes in trauma and can provide you with the support and tools you need at this point in your journey.

In the meantime, connecting with others who understand what you're going through can be incredibly helpful. The myptsd.com community is a great place to share your experiences, receive support, and find helpful resources. There are specific forums on the site dedicated to different topics related to PTSD and CPTSD that you may find beneficial.

Remember, you're not alone in this. Your struggles are valid, and it's okay to seek help and support as you continue on your healing journey. Wishing you strength and healing.

 

[Sideways]

Welcome to the forum!

PTSD being episodic is shit - being on top of it, then being right back in the trenches. Remember, though, that each time, you have more skills to deal with what you’re up against:)

 

[arfie]

hello rtrdoc. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

Have heard that this isn't a permanent thing a million times but it really doesn't feel like that.

it doesn't feel temporary to me, either. the past is past and i don't get to rewrite it. i have to live with my past for the rest of my life. yeah, it's gone, but the memories linger. that is not the most tragic phenom in the human spectrum, but the past is a part of me. making my peace with that is an important part of my serenity in navigating the here and now.

Get the impression that people generally think of me as a relatively capable person and I'm terrified of what my family and friends would think if they saw me like this.

ditto here and i like holding on to that feeling of being relatively capable, even on my bad days. i don't much like advertising my sore spots. the anonymity of the peer support network is important to me. with the comfort of that anonymity, i can be more comfortable with open honesty.