livingnightmare
New Here
For me telling my story is difficult my father always told me while I was growing up that our problems were our own and nobody elses burden, but I can't just keep it all in anymore its destroying me. I guess there's no better place to start then the begining so here it goes.
It started when my mother and my father split up I was four my little sister had just been born. My mother began stripping and doing drugs so she really wasn't taking care of us. After a few months the school notified the state and we were put into foster care for a short time. The foster home I was put in had about 8 kids and none of them liked me at all neither did the foster parent she stood by and watched as all the other kids would kick me, hit me and push me into red ant hills. She would also send me today sometimes at 4 in the afternoon with no dinner which I didn't think was such a big deal at the time even now its not the worst thing to happen.
My dad stepped in and took my little sister, my older brother and myself. My mother at this point bailed on us and wasn't to be heard from for the next 12 years of lives. During which I was raped by my uncle (her brother) who told me he did it because I was a bad girl and needed to be punished. I was scared so i didn't tell any one at all. My father singled me out at a young age and told me I had to be a big girl and help him take care of my brother and sister. So I did, even though my father thought nothing more of me then a fat worthless whore (I was 7 the first time he called me this) at 15 he put me up for adoption because he couldn't handle my depression, from then up until I was 18 things weren't great but weren't bad. At 17 almost 18 I found out I was pregnant which again wasn't great but wasn't terrible. But a month and a half after I turn 18 I lost my son due to a car accident I was 6 months pregnant.
Losing my son hurt but I tried to ignore the real trauma of it like everything else. It got to me quite a bit more then I wanted it to and it still does. Again things went kinda quiet in my life for a short time. One year and eight months later my best friend invited my fiance and lover to hang out with her and her boyfriend. We had a few drinks, some laughs and my fiance and I got into a fight so he slept in the guest room and I was in the living room on the couch and sparring the details my friends boyfriend raped me while my friend and my fiance were asleep to deeply to hear my attempts to yell for help.
I became suicidal and was hospitalized, I was then diagnosed and told that I've probably had ptsd for a very long time. Four months after that I became pregnant and thought things were looking up but 9 weeks into my pregnancy I lost another baby. Now a month and a half later here I am and I feel like I'm losing control of everything. The nightmares and flashbacks are worse then ever and I feel like nobody around me understands.... I just want someone to talk to who understands what I go through everyday.
It started when my mother and my father split up I was four my little sister had just been born. My mother began stripping and doing drugs so she really wasn't taking care of us. After a few months the school notified the state and we were put into foster care for a short time. The foster home I was put in had about 8 kids and none of them liked me at all neither did the foster parent she stood by and watched as all the other kids would kick me, hit me and push me into red ant hills. She would also send me today sometimes at 4 in the afternoon with no dinner which I didn't think was such a big deal at the time even now its not the worst thing to happen.
My dad stepped in and took my little sister, my older brother and myself. My mother at this point bailed on us and wasn't to be heard from for the next 12 years of lives. During which I was raped by my uncle (her brother) who told me he did it because I was a bad girl and needed to be punished. I was scared so i didn't tell any one at all. My father singled me out at a young age and told me I had to be a big girl and help him take care of my brother and sister. So I did, even though my father thought nothing more of me then a fat worthless whore (I was 7 the first time he called me this) at 15 he put me up for adoption because he couldn't handle my depression, from then up until I was 18 things weren't great but weren't bad. At 17 almost 18 I found out I was pregnant which again wasn't great but wasn't terrible. But a month and a half after I turn 18 I lost my son due to a car accident I was 6 months pregnant.
Losing my son hurt but I tried to ignore the real trauma of it like everything else. It got to me quite a bit more then I wanted it to and it still does. Again things went kinda quiet in my life for a short time. One year and eight months later my best friend invited my fiance and lover to hang out with her and her boyfriend. We had a few drinks, some laughs and my fiance and I got into a fight so he slept in the guest room and I was in the living room on the couch and sparring the details my friends boyfriend raped me while my friend and my fiance were asleep to deeply to hear my attempts to yell for help.
I became suicidal and was hospitalized, I was then diagnosed and told that I've probably had ptsd for a very long time. Four months after that I became pregnant and thought things were looking up but 9 weeks into my pregnancy I lost another baby. Now a month and a half later here I am and I feel like I'm losing control of everything. The nightmares and flashbacks are worse then ever and I feel like nobody around me understands.... I just want someone to talk to who understands what I go through everyday.
