New Relationship! New To Ptsd! I Could Really Use Some Advice!

[Jessica52655]

Wow... actually you are very encouraging to me... I just want to find out as much as I can.... I'm not saying this is going to work for me but I'm just saying the person I saw is worth loving for sure.... and I think he deserves somebody who won't give up on him.... not saying I'm the right person for him cuz its way too early to know that but we can't just give up on the hereos of our country!

 

[Deleted member 27524]

Jessica our stories are all to similar. I met my marine two years ago and I'll just say this.. All I hear is how much he wants to be with me, how much he values me more than he shows, how he's crazy over me, how I deserve better, how I just
"get it" , how I'm the only person he has 0 control with. Then there is a whole other side to him as well. Two years in and he still won't have sex with me. It's like he just can't let himself lose control for a second to be vulnerable and he tells me he already let me get to close. I've never loved someone so hard and I'm pretty sure he'll never be able to give himself to me fully. Good luck:)

 

[Jessica52655]

Wow! 2 years into it....you must love him alot...
Do u have regrets?

 

[Deleted member 27524]

Well that's a tough question as I should probably say yes I regret meeting him and going through this entire thing but I won't say that.

I'm 33 years old and I've been in relationships and I've been married and still yet I've never cared as deeply for a guy as much as I do "D". Why do I care so much? Heck I dunno. I suppose in a way for myself I sympathized with him. After being in a really abusive marriage and sort of shutting down myself for about 6 years, I didn't wanna be hurt anymore so I suppose internally I built up this "wall" I guess you could say. The funny thing is, is that I didn't even know the wall was there until it was gone one day. I "felt" again. Strangest feeling ever! I often tell D that I was broken and he fixed me. Six years of pushing any guy who got near me away and I met D and it was gone before I could even help it. I hated him for making me want him so much.

When he told me about his ptsd of course I didn't know what it was but I started researching it and it overwhelmed me. However I knew what it felt like to have been hurt and I dunno I just refused to walk away from him. He's cursed me and treated me ways that I can't even process at times but below that is a loving and caring person who would never want to hurt anyone. He isolated for 11 days just recently and made contact with me on day 5. I didn't quite register that's what was happening at the moment but when he did come back he was very remorseful and kept apologizing for making me worry. I wasn't angry at all. Maybe I should've been, but I wasn't. I truly know the man he is and I know he'd never ever hurt me on purpose. I get upset and push him too. I'm not perfect!

What I find most interesting about D is he can lay anything at my feet and would as far as financial things go. He's pretty secure in that area and very giving but I simply don't give a damn about any of it. Yet he can't quite give me the one little thing I want that money just can't buy. I know he cares because I feel it. In two years I've watched him transform from this big 6'4 firefighter who showed me NO affection to a guy who is just so darn soft and snuggly at times.

He may never get "there" but I can't say I'd have passed up getting to know this awesome person or the feelings that I never knew you could have for someone. I wouldn't trade that love he put back in my heart for anything.

I do wish I'd taken better care of myself through this process. It can be mentally draining. The push/pull is confusing at times. In fact as I'm typing this I'm pretty sure he is a bit withdrawn and I'm not sure I'll even hear from him today but he's been under a lot of stress lately. So I plan on taking care of number one today and going for a run and some Christmas shopping. Sitting around worrying isn't gonna solve anything. Just makes you more crazy!

 

[Jessica52655]

Wow! It is crazy how much I think i can relate to you only I'm just at the beginning! But I understand exactly about the wall! I had the exact same thing going on until I met him! I would love to talk to you more! Maybe we can help eachother!

 

[whserenitynluv]

How could you not have regrets?
This discussion is interesting to me because not only have I kind of relapsed in the sense of distraction, but I pushed the one who has my soul away. The problem is this guy had no idea that I would have given him anything, but I never showed up. My sense of trauma ruined the whole thing. Instead of saying to him that the deep things I played it off like he was just another guy. Nobody in the world has moved me like him, but because of that, my brain took a huge detour. I found out recently that it was a good thing because he wasn't interested, so probably not saying anything but the minimal was good. My connection to him is something I pray about having with someone, and I pray that I can get myself to a point were I have no throat issues. When that day comes, he will know without a doubt from me that he is the most incredible human that walked the planet. Uncodependtley, you guys are very lucky to have this in your life, and if he is worth it to you, don't give up,just make sure that he is getting treatment. I do have regrets from my behaviors,but it is from that I am in treatment now. If I could turn back time and replay some events I would for sure. Your guy has deep remorse and lack of understanding and I'm sure he asks why all the time, and it's frustrating when you ask why because he says I don't know. He doesn't know. All he knows is reaction to fear. Just rambling

 

[Amalia]

I don`t think we should ever give up on anyone - and tbh the role they have played in society is secondary - they are suffering, pure and simple. However, my boyfriend has aged years since being with me.... that`s all I know x Again, best of luck.

 

[Deleted member 27524]

My guy just returned from a short isolation period of two days. I suspected he may withdrawal because it was the anniversary of his fiancées death 12 years ago.

He said "you've been great and I'm sorry you want someone so F'd up". This made me feel sad. I said "are you okay" to which he replied that he felt better today. I said "okay well I'm not gonna question it, I'm just glad your doing better now". He said he figured I was ready to quit and walk away. He said it was okay if I had lots of questions and I said to him "naa I'm good and I get it, you forget I read a lot but thank you for always coming back to me" and he said "I'll always come back to you". He always apologizes so much. Little moments like this is why I keep holding on.

For the first time ever I have come to the realization that he doesn't want to hurt me and to hear him tell me that he's sorry I care about such an F'd up man just makes me cringe. I told him that I'm not sorry I met you, your my happy place and we'll get through this together!

 

[Jessica52655]

:-)

And honestly there are l pots of men out there who haven't been thru such traumatic things who treat women way worse and never apologize

 

[blkcherry]

I Have been dating a 50 yr old veteran for 9 months. We have been living together for three months. Trust issues he had is why we decided to live together. Its very hard for me. After one month we sleep in different rooms. We hardly ever talk everything i say or do is wrong he dwells on the negative things in life. Things he used to do he doesn't anymore. If I ask him about his counselling he gets angry. He is not supportive( just found out my dad has cancer). I know he can be a good man but he only admits he is ptsd. He dont think its interfering with his life. I never know what mood he is going to be in. I've been reading up on ptsd. I'm at the point of giving up. He is just not the same man I dated for six months. I've cried many of nights. Sometimes I feel scared.I wish u the best everyone dedeserves a chance. Just be carefull an take it slow get to know him be sure its something u can handle. I wish this man understood how I feel. We are separating first of the year. I really dont feel safe.