Supporter New Relationship - Seeking Advice

[tac1212]

Hi all,
I recently started dating a someone with PTSD. He is young but retired from the military and was in Afghanistan. He's a great guy with a big heart that has been through a lot both from his military service and personal life. He has been very open and honest about what he is facing and trying to work through. He is in therapy. Since we started seeing each other I have witnesses both the anxiety/panic attacks and the wild super hyper go out and get crazy to ignore what I am feeling behavior. I know that I can not help him - and he doesn't want me to - he tells me not to worry about him but it is hard to not be affected by these episodes and I am starting to feel nervous around him - I don't want to say or do something that will trigger his anxiety or his escape mechanism. He has made it clear that he has feelings for me and wants me around. How do I provide a safe environment for this relationship to grow without putting myself at risk, emotionally speaking. Thanks.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum. :)

I would check out the supporters section. You will find some helpful people there who might be able to help you with the safe environment you want to make. Also, reading the sticky threads is a good place to start.

I wish you the best.

 

[tac1212]

Hi. Thank you. I will check out both those things.

 

[Legend]

Hey welcome to the forum, theres alot of great information here. I am quite new myself but have found this place to be honest and very helpful in every way.I have PTSD myself and can relate to your partner, it's very hard to understand from eather side. He is very lucky to have a great person to love him and support him, my wife has put up with alot from me. I wish you the best tac1212!

 

[Resilientbibliophile]

Greetings,

I don't know if he reads or can be discreetly nudged to apply himself in the direction of books that might illuminate aspects of what is a shared experience many veterans live with, but think about the following two titles (and a web document) if nothing else. Concious that little in a book is going to halt traumatic recall outright, please know that perspective afforded within the titles might ease the loneliness you each feel in relation to a dynamic that is unsettling at best, debilitating and destructive at worst.

For a solid and not overwhelming historical review of P.T.S.D. leading to C-P.T.S.D. please consider Judith Hermann's Trauma and Recovery : The Aftermath of Violence - from Domestic Abuse to Political Terror. Not a drugstore read, more academic in tone, and solid throughout. Very widely-cited, and something quite good to start with. Know that many P.T.S.D. works are very good at explaining the 'why's', but quite frequently leave the reader wondering as to what precisely to do to alleviate suffering. All I can guarantee is the underlying framework of what you are witnessing at such close range is not to be neglected and one must start somewhere. Only you can decide if the connection you share can evolve in a position direction, if the balance between you efforts to aid and understand are agreeably teamed with his own efforts to understand the dynamic and evolve forth from much which is shattering to endure.

Much more in an historical vein is Abram Kardiner's Traumatic Neuroses of War, from 1941 and later rewritten and updated to reflect experiences of the Second World War in 1947. A seminal work (much like Hermann's 1996 effort above), here we have a brave psychologist trying mightily to understand the traumatic recall dynamic witnessed in relation to countless Great War/First World War patients identified as psych. causalities as a new and broader war involving greater numbers of civilians engulfed the world. I found it comforting, complex for the language and concepts have evolved greatly since the time it was written, but nevertheless stimulating. So much knowledge was lost prior to the 'rediscovery' of P.T.S.D. in the midst and wake of the Vietnam War, and yet here we see some professionals doing all they may to come to terms with what individuals so-impacted were living with.

And finally, please consider visiting the RAND Corporation website to examine the quite fine range of materials concentrated there, with particular reference to the study titled 'The Invisible Wounds of War'. RAND is what is termed a 'think tank' which produces studies and policy papers, and concerning issues faced by veterans suffering so, has contributed much to ponder and reflect upon. I wish you and your man well...

M.K.

 

[tac1212]

Anyone out there? No word from him today. Fighting urge to reach out. Wherever he is, whatever he is doing is what he needs right now. Have to let him drive. Just hard.

 

[KP the nut]

Hi and welcome to the forum.